Do you know anyone neurodiverse?

[CaramelGhost]

Do you know anyone neurodiverse? Serious question. A few years ago I could have named a few acquaintances. People I recall from school. Random colleagues that I might suspect but didn't know enough about, for example. But no one I spent time with or knew of really

But here in 2025 I am on the waiting list for an autism assessment and I am looking around at people I thought I knew and so many things are clicking into place.

I am sure my OH is autistic, which I had not considered until recent years. He performs well at work but can come off as rude and cares little about what people think, feels no pressure or desire to fit in and therefore sees no benefit to being assessed (I can cope with that, he loves me very much)

I don't have friends and only talk to colleagues. Since starting work there 5 years ago, I really struggled to fit in but there was enough people I could count on 1 hand where I didn't feel the pressure to "perform" as such....since then they have been diagnosed or are awaiting diagnosis for ADHD or autism. Something we would never have discussed years ago but I felt a "calm" with them since day 1. (Out of hundreds of people I work with)

Catching up with a couple of my cousins recently, 2/3 of them divulged they have been advised to pursue autism assessments. At which point, i admitted I had been advised the same.

I am trying to wrap my head around if "everyone" is on the spectrum or do I just naturally gravitate towards people on the spectrum and my cousins are facing similar challenges because of the genetic link? None of our parents are diagnosed and seem normal "enough".

What's it like in your circles?

My dd is Autistic, she was diagnosed when she was 8. I'm pretty sure my DH has ADHD, he was diagnosed with "hyperactivity disorder" when he was a kid (early 80s) but his mum refused to accept it so it was never pursued.

Didn’t take long for this type of ignorant comment to rear its head. How disappointing.

My daughter struggled with friendships towards the end of primary. I was really worried about the move to secondary but she found her ‘tribe’ I would say most of her friends are ND, looking back the friends she clicked easiest with in primary also have since got a diagnosis.

she is awaiting diagnosis.

I work in IT, quite a few of my colleagues have ND children and I would also say some
probably are themselves.

I think my granddaughter is autistic but as a mother or mother in law I keep my mouth shut.
She will only eat at her own home or my house or her mums brothers home.
Takes her own cutlery everywhere.
You couldn't take a chip of her plate.
Even ask for a crisp and it's a no.
She has her own cup/glass.
Won't share a bed. Won't go on sleepovers unless its to mine with her cousins.
Started college and she is struggling over things out of her control.
During school only had 1 friend.
Fortunately at college she has made quite a few friends.
Out of 5 grandchildren she (don't tell anyone)
Is my favourite. She shows her love for everyone.

In my family, just about everyone! I think autistic people are often understandably drawn or attracted to one another so both my parents' extended family are also very heavily ND and then of course my siblings and I are, and our children and on it goes!

My DC, my brother, my DSS. DC of two of my close friends.

Lots of people. I am neurodivergent myself and have met plenty of others through groups I go to.

Yes

Inadvertently somehow the majority of my social circle is either neurodiverse or mentally ill 😬 (or a mixture of both!).

I think I gravitate to similar people because quite simply I can be myself around them and they understand and accept me as I am 🤷

I don't know about officially but I'm pretty sure both my brother and I are abit 'weird'. Both in our fifties, neither really makes friends or have ever had a relationship. Although I probably function better because at least I managed to live on my own and cope with life.
My poor parents though, it is a shame they never got a normal child! 😂

I’m a social worker and I cannot, no word of a lie, remember the last time I worked with a family who’s child/ren didn’t have a diagnosis, awaiting a diagnosis or felt they needed a diagnosis.

I believe in these particular cases the symptoms of trauma are overlooked, as is experiencing significantly poor parenting (abuse and neglect levels) and don’t shoot me all at once but having a child with additional needs/disability/SEN or neurodivergence is handy when it comes to housing and benefits. I have written many supportive letters and applied for enough fund sources to know.

I’ve always suspected my exH has autism - very socially awkward, very bad at “reading the room”, body language and picking up on mood changes of those around him.

My DS (8) was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 6, but all the classic signs were there long before that. He’s an incredibly clever little boy and does wonderfully at school even though he often appears to not be paying attention shred of attention - he’s taking in every word his teacher says. I’ve always described him as a very “bouncy” child 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 From the moment he could roll over as a baby, he’s pretty much never stopped moving. Even sitting and watching a film as a family, DS will always choose to sit on the floor so he can move around and wriggle as much as he wants without disturbing anyone else. Trampoline might be the best purchase I’ve ever made for him!

DH’s best friend is currently undergoing an adult assessment for ASD. He’s in his late 30’s and may be the most intelligent person I’ve ever met. He is a fount of knowledge - he always says that if he hears a snippet of information about a particular subject, he then feels the need to find out everything he possibly can about it. As a result - he’s a wonderful person to have on our team at a pub quiz! 😂

Yes! I'm ADHD and probably ASD as well. Youngest dd is ASD.

DBro definitely ADHD but never diagnosed. DF almost certainly ASD but no diagnosis.

Nephew ASD.

I have friends, children of friends etc who are ND as well. I tend to connect with ND people for whatever reason.

Yes me. Diagnosed with autism and ADHD. It’s really common for neurodivergent people to befriend each other as we communicate in similar ways. Also as there is a genetic element, it’s likely that you grew up in an ND family and so are naturally drawn to people who behave in ways you are familiar with. Just because you’ve gravitated towards ND people doesn’t make everyone ND because they aren’t.

I'm neurotypical....well I am dyslexic but I personally don't consider myself ND as in every other way I am very NT. I have two good friends who are autistic and I have good friends who are NT. I suspect my daughter is autistic and my ex I'm pretty sure is. Current partner seems very NT. So it's a real mixture for me.

The symptoms of trauma and the symptoms of autism can be very, very similar but need different handling. I assume you've seen the Coventry Grid? I wish all social workers were fully aware of this.

I work in a similar field (although not a social worker) and I see similarly high levels to you. My own take is that there probably is autism / ADHD in these families, and that there is an entire generational history of people with unmet needs trying to raise children with unmet needs who go on to have more children with unmet needs, that autistic bluntness riles up social workers while ADHD dopamine-seeking leaves them vulnerable to substance misuse, unmet needs (and neglect from their own parents) leaves them struggling with emotional regulation, and undiagnosed difficulties lead to poor mental health - and hey presto you have the 'toxic trio' of substance misuse, domestic abuse and poor mental health.

If we are now able to identify the needs of the children in this cycle there is a better chance of breaking it, so all power to them in getting that diagnosis. I don't think it's as cynical as wanting housing or benefits (or not exclusively, anyway).

I'm in my 50s with a 19 year old DD. I was an older mum but had 4 nieces/nephews who are now late 30s with their own children and can honestly say I've never noticed or come across ND, Autism/ADHD until now. In our family it's been me who's had the finger pointed at them because of MH since I was late teens. In my defence, I'm the most caring, compassionate empathist, loyal to the core and would never hurt anyone because I've been hurt so much. I've brought DD up with my values and we've talked endlessly when needed to try to strengthen her will, mainly due to my emotionally abusive ex - he is abysmal.

Now with her AuDHD issues on top of struggling emotionally due to bitchy school bullies and her cruel father, I wonder if it's all trauma-related but she says not - her brain is just wired differently.

I grew up gauging people on whether they were genuine or not - I got bullied at work a few times for being too quiet, too outspoken, refusing to bow down when i'd been set up in a trap (twice) and overheard the saddo's talking about me like it was my fault. I find people too much now, I avoid them at all costs.

My niece is profoundly autistic. Non verbal and developmentally delayed. She will never live independently.
A friend is self proclaimed autistic. She does say things like ‘oh that’s my autistic brain’, which I find a bit annoying.

I agree. I think we find each other.

I was diagnosed with adhd in 2023 and with autism in July 2024. I'm early 30's

My childhood best friend is on the waiting list for adhd and my college best friend has already been diagnosed with adhd 😅

As n adult I have 3 close friends, all 3 of them are defietly ND ( undiagnosed but all their kids are SEN and similar to their parents )

I've met hundreds of people in my life and after realising I was ND it's been quite ironic to find that the people I have felt most at ease with, are all ND too

This.

Two of my 5DC are autistic and children and adults with extra needs tend to gravitate towards me and I'm NT. It's happened since I was little for me but I think it's because I'm calm and friendly and I've always been very approachable so children and adults usually see me as a safe space.

I was lucky enough to work with children that had extra needs in the past and generally the children that other members of staff struggled with were the children that were brilliant with me.

Both of my DC that are autistic had more friends that were NT growing up so I think it depends on the individual wether they gravitate towards other people the same as them or to people that are different.

@northerneast You know those of us who are learning this about ourselves always have been?

That’s got nothing to do with what @OnePearlHelper said. They said virtually everyone these days is said to have it. They are not saying people didn’t previously and now suddenly do.

I have a child, now adult, who was diagnosed in childhood with ASD (although not called this when they were diagnosed, was before they lumped different categories under one umbrella), ADHD and a few other things. All of their friends have ASD at minimum.

However, at this point, it’s become obvious that the majority of the population seems to be either self-diagnosing themselves (correctly or incorrectly) with every ND condition going. Take Mumsnet for example, hard to find one post where an OP wife doesn’t start by announcing they suspect their DH is ND. Then everyone thinks their family, friends, neighbours, colleagues are ND, because now, any little quirk an individual may have, any non conformance to what a person wants to see in others, absolutely any struggle at school no matter what it is, or any shitty behaviour whatsoever is considered to come under the umbrella of ND by the vast majority of people. It’s a runaway train out of control. That’s not being ‘abelist’, it’s just a reflection that obviously the majority of people now are NOT ND. The way most people are viewing it, ND would become the new NT and the NT people would be the minority outliers, which is absurd.

My brother is autistic, my bloke has ADHD (and from following the process when he got diagnosed I have a strong suspicion that I have too), a workmate has ADHD, and several of my friends' children are autistic.

Yes, I do.
I know one diagnosed with ADHD and OCD.
5 undiagnosed with ADHD.

My own take is that there probably is autism / ADHD in these families, and that there is an entire generational history of people with unmet needs trying to raise children with unmet needs who go on to have more children with unmet needs

I would agree with this.