Do you know anyone neurodiverse?

[CaramelGhost]

Do you know anyone neurodiverse? Serious question. A few years ago I could have named a few acquaintances. People I recall from school. Random colleagues that I might suspect but didn't know enough about, for example. But no one I spent time with or knew of really

But here in 2025 I am on the waiting list for an autism assessment and I am looking around at people I thought I knew and so many things are clicking into place.

I am sure my OH is autistic, which I had not considered until recent years. He performs well at work but can come off as rude and cares little about what people think, feels no pressure or desire to fit in and therefore sees no benefit to being assessed (I can cope with that, he loves me very much)

I don't have friends and only talk to colleagues. Since starting work there 5 years ago, I really struggled to fit in but there was enough people I could count on 1 hand where I didn't feel the pressure to "perform" as such....since then they have been diagnosed or are awaiting diagnosis for ADHD or autism. Something we would never have discussed years ago but I felt a "calm" with them since day 1. (Out of hundreds of people I work with)

Catching up with a couple of my cousins recently, 2/3 of them divulged they have been advised to pursue autism assessments. At which point, i admitted I had been advised the same.

I am trying to wrap my head around if "everyone" is on the spectrum or do I just naturally gravitate towards people on the spectrum and my cousins are facing similar challenges because of the genetic link? None of our parents are diagnosed and seem normal "enough".

What's it like in your circles?

DD is at Uni and is struggling with the workload and the lack of support. She's been seeing a therapist and after the first session she shared with us that she's AuADHD - I think that was the description. I'm an empath with MH issues that have been with me since late teens on and off and have supported her through some bad times due to her absent father's behaviour towards her (emotional cruelty) but he was like it with me also - we left him 16 years ago. I've been bullied my whole life in different situations - job/family/friends etc but have always stood up for myself and have outed them all publicly.

The way DD describes her issues with AuADHD - it's like she's describing me - the last diagnosis I had 10 years ago was bipolar and I 💩 myself, my partner disagrees with the diagnosis saying that if I was bipolar he'd know. Well I never noticed DD acting strangely but is that because she's my daughter and I'm used to her as she is - stroppy late teenager but really kind & considerate, hilariously funny? It really is mindblowing how professionals spot these things and identify traits. I would say I'm AuADHD too when it comes down to it, or are these conditions reclassified these days?

As my kids say, you smell your own. 😉 The people I've felt comfortable around in my life are definitely wired in a very similar, neurodivergent way to me.

I’m neuro diverse & my only friend is too

Two of my children, DH, several in-laws, a couple of nephews/nieces on my side of the family.
Several of my friends, many of my children’s friends.

It makes sense that there are clusters - genetic components and people seeking those like themselves. I am not, but with partner and children who are neurodivergent, I am clearly happy to have close relationships with ND people.

Back when my second son was diagnosed at 2 I would have said I only knew his half brother and cousin who were also neurodivergent - obviously it wasn’t called that then - they were diagnosed with Asperger’s, my son with Autism and global development delay. Then my youngest was going through the diagnostic procedure and as I answered all those questionnaires I kept thinking “but I do that, and that, and that” and he was diagnosed with autism and adhd. And was sooooo much like me as a child. Eventually I got a diagnosis of autism, but I haven’t done anything about getting an adhd diagnosis (because it means talking to people, and I’ve done enough of that)

i only have a few close friends, one from my school days - she’s got adhd, and two others who are autistic and have adhd. Like attracts like!

I do have imposter syndrome and think that actually I’m not autistic and don’t have adhd, I’m just lazy and stupid and unorganised and should just sort myself out and do the things I’m supposed to do as an adult and stop overthinking it all and stop getting anxious about every day stuff other people get on with. So the stuff about how it’s overdiagnosed makes me think that yeah, maybe it is, and I don’t have it, it’s just excuses for not doing all the stuff I should be doing in life.

This is really interesting. I think my dh is on the autistic spectrum and I think I have adhd. Neither of us are diagnosed and I don’t see the point in getting a diagnosis as we aren’t that severe.

My dad (autistic)
Sister (autistic)
Nephew (autistic)
Me (ADHD)
DH (autistic)
DD (AuDHD)
About 70% of my cousins on my dad’s side (autistic/ADHD)
6 colleagues
most of DD’s friends

I could go on………

I have felt different my whole life - I haven’t been diagnosed but I’m sure I’m neurodiverse. My family are always pulling up on things I do such as hyperfocus, tunnel vision, socially awkward, overwhelmed by big crowds, can’t do small talk, I light my house with lamps and can’t do main lights… a few other stuff that I called “being an introvert” but now I don’t know anymore.

But you know what, I don’t actually want a diagnosis - I’ve accepted that my quirks make up my personality and are just me. I’d say 50% of people I know are neurodiverse - and when they tell me about their “quirks” I can often relate - a few family members have recently been diagnosed as adults. Some have continued with their lives whilst others have actually been held back by the diagnosis.

I think that as humans we have always been on some spectrum and I think for a long time society have created a persona of what and who you need to be to fit into the requirements of having a normal life - kids, a certain job, a certain level of ambition etc. I think when you fall out of this “persona” and maybe you’re abit quieter , socially awkward, struggle with ambition - we need to find a category for it.

That’s my theory - and I think that we are in a place where I’m sure all of these diagnosis are correct, but there is also a spectrum to being ND.

No. But I’ve started to notice more traits in myself.

but with these things the more you read about it the more you think you have it. It’s like reading your horoscope and convinced you’re a typical Capricorn

AuDHD? It means dual diagnosis / self diagnosis of autism and ADHD.
i don’t think self id is particularly valid. People tend to go for adhd or autism as they don’t have the full range of alternatives to consider. however I appreciate wait times etc are a barrier.

Loads! But ND is genetic so very much most of my extended family. Also I gravitate to ND friends. I’m too eccentric for people who don’t have a bit of genius and chaos in their lives. We also forgive one another more easily (or just don’t notice!) the social slights that are offensive to middle England.

#Phase2 AuDHD - yes that's it. Autism likes order & peace whereas ADHD is chaotic & impulsive - so she understands why she thinks and feels like she does. It makes sense to her.

Loads of people I know have self diagnosed as ADHD or class their kids as undiagnosed ADHD and are on waiting lists for diagnosis. Probably about 40% of people I know are either diagnosed or undiagnosed with possibility neurodiversity. The number is ever growing.

It’s way higher than that.

it’s a spectrum so there are many many adults on the high functioning end who have no diagnosis but have realised in the last few years they tick all the boxes.

id say it’s about half the people I know - this will be higher than yhe norm because it goes in families plus ND folk tend to appeal to each other.

Was on a call today where they suggested 1 in 7. I think the reality is probably between 5-10% but of course it depends where you draw the line...

Actually diagnosed by a qualified professional? A few with autism or ADHD, a couple with dyslexia, not loads.

I don't think "neurodiverse" is a helpful or indeed a scientific term though. It's become virtually meaningless and implies there is a large body of people (the nueurotypical) who are all the same.

The National Autistic Society is now saying the number is higher than 1 in 100 and more research is needed. If I based it on my personal contacts it would be about 1 in 20 but I’ve been working in the field of autism for over 20 years.

Most people I know, honestly. Some have a diagnosis. Some don't, but it's pretty obvious. My kids don't have a diagnosis, and haven't even looked into getting one because they don't really need one, but if be pretty surprised if either of them turned out to be nutritional. Most of my closest colleagues at work have been diagnosed with autism or ADHD, and a huge swathe of my friends were diagnosed after their children were diagnosed. I think we tend to hang out together.

You know those of us who are learning this about ourselves always have been?

Neurodiversity also includes things like dyspraxia, dyscalculia, dyslexia, sensory processing disorder etc so I think we all probably know someone.
For me, my DF is clearly autistic but incredibly high functioning and professionally very successful.
DH is dyslexic and probably has ADHD
DS1 has dyslexia, dyspraxia and ADHD
DS2 has dyslexia and autism

Lots of friends’ and colleagues’ children have something.

I mean, I used to work in asset management so pretty much everyone there. I reckon probably 50% of portfolio managers are ND.

Myself and 2 of my daughters are dyslexic. That is ND. Many forget this when they speak of ND.

Sister is autistic I suspect both father and brother are too but neither are diagnosed

Mother was dyslexic 2 uncles are. 5 cousins.

So yes lots.

I have a sibling with severe LDs and autism in their seventies. Nobody else in the family. Never met anyone like them growing up apart from when I went to their special school for events.

Ah that's interesting. I think also I am muddling up my stats and thinking just of Autism. But sounds like that is higher too.

Me, DH, DS, DF, DGM. And plenty of my friends, diagnosed and otherwise.