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Original poster

SIL has been really daft, hasn’t she?

31 replies

Mearse · 01/04/2025 10:47

SIL, mid 40s, had owned her home for 20 years. Only a very small mortgage left on it. Has two children but never married their fathers, one of them lived with her for a couple of years but left.

8 years ago she met and married a guy. She fell out with dh for a long while when he brought up protecting her house for her and her children. This man was the love of her life, he was never going to leave her, dh was the devil for suggesting that she protect herself financially for the future.

Now, he’s left her. MIL says it’s all fine as the house is in her name, she owned it before she met him, but he’s sent SIL some messages saying he’s taken legal advice and will be after a share of the house in the divorce.

So, now she is panicking. Dh has booked her an appointment with a solicitor for later this week and will go with her, but honestly, he’s so annoyed that she wouldn’t even discuss protecting herself when she first met her soon to be ex husband.

OP posts:
NormasArse · 01/04/2025 10:49

A good solicitor should sort that out. Did he pay towards the mortgage at all?

DenholmElliot11 · 01/04/2025 10:50

Yes, he's potentially entitled to half the marital assets. She's been very silly indeed but you see it on here all the time.

That's money could have been used to set her kids up on the housing ladder. Now she will have to give at least some of it to him. It's a shame. Women don't seem to understand that MEN COME AND GO (your SIL had two different partners who each fathered a child, plus probably a few boyfriends before them, then the husband, then probably dating one or two others) but KIDS ARE FOREVER.

Hollyhobbi · 01/04/2025 10:51

Does she have any children with this man?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
stayathomer · 01/04/2025 10:54

Sorry op but I hate your title, especially if you’re happily married. Your sil has been too trusting and yes probably rushed in but it’s a horrible thing. She is in a good position if she owned and did put him on the mortgage though

Original poster
Mearse · 01/04/2025 10:56

Hollyhobbi · 01/04/2025 10:51

Does she have any children with this man?

No, they had no children together.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mearse · 01/04/2025 10:57

stayathomer · 01/04/2025 10:54

Sorry op but I hate your title, especially if you’re happily married. Your sil has been too trusting and yes probably rushed in but it’s a horrible thing. She is in a good position if she owned and did put him on the mortgage though

What’s wrong with asking if she’s been daft? Dh asked her about it when he moved in, she fell out with him for daring to ask.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mearse · 01/04/2025 10:58

NormasArse · 01/04/2025 10:49

A good solicitor should sort that out. Did he pay towards the mortgage at all?

She said no. He paid for the food shopping.

OP posts:
ZoggyStirdust · 01/04/2025 10:59

If he’s posted on here he’s have been told never to move in to someone else’s house without being put on the deeds.

well… if he posted as a woman. A man would be told to suck it up.

Tiswa · 01/04/2025 10:59

Yes she has been and yes it is a marital asset to some extent - she needs proper legal advice asap

Gettingbysomehow · 01/04/2025 11:10

DenholmElliot11 · 01/04/2025 10:50

Yes, he's potentially entitled to half the marital assets. She's been very silly indeed but you see it on here all the time.

That's money could have been used to set her kids up on the housing ladder. Now she will have to give at least some of it to him. It's a shame. Women don't seem to understand that MEN COME AND GO (your SIL had two different partners who each fathered a child, plus probably a few boyfriends before them, then the husband, then probably dating one or two others) but KIDS ARE FOREVER.

Edited

No he isn't I do wish people would get their facts straight. If she owned the house before she met him and her name is on the deeds not his he isn't entitled to half the house.
This was my situation and my ex husband got nothing after a 20 year marriage. Much to his disgust.
Dont come on here to ask legal questions, she needs to see a solicitor.
All kinds of rubbish is posted here. Pensions and savings during the marriage can be taken into account.

RedSkyDelights · 01/04/2025 11:14

Gettingbysomehow · 01/04/2025 11:10

No he isn't I do wish people would get their facts straight. If she owned the house before she met him and her name is on the deeds not his he isn't entitled to half the house.
This was my situation and my ex husband got nothing after a 20 year marriage. Much to his disgust.
Dont come on here to ask legal questions, she needs to see a solicitor.
All kinds of rubbish is posted here. Pensions and savings during the marriage can be taken into account.

Edited
Show quote history

It's more complex than that.

In my friend's case she owned a house prior to marriage, he was never on the deeds, never lived in or contributed a penny towards it.
It was still considered a marital asset.

SIL needs proper legal advice, not the anecdotes from internet randoms.

Cyclebabble · 01/04/2025 11:17

Your sister needs to take legal advice ASAP. Relevant facts will include did he pay the mortgage? did he pay bills? What was his contribution to married finances generally? If the house was largely paid for entering into the marriage, I would be hopeful.

Original poster
Mearse · 01/04/2025 11:33

Cyclebabble · 01/04/2025 11:17

Your sister needs to take legal advice ASAP. Relevant facts will include did he pay the mortgage? did he pay bills? What was his contribution to married finances generally? If the house was largely paid for entering into the marriage, I would be hopeful.

Dh has booked her an appointment with a solicitor later this week, he’s going to go with her.

OP posts:
Mauro711 · 01/04/2025 12:04

@Gettingbysomehow absolutely not as black and white as that. My exh also owned a property before we got married, I was never on the deeds/mortgage but we lived there together for a few years once married. Our marriage ended 22 years later and it was very much a marital asset to be split equally between us. This was in England 3 years ago.

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 01/04/2025 16:37

Mearse · 01/04/2025 11:33

Dh has booked her an appointment with a solicitor later this week, he’s going to go with her.

Show quote history

She needs separate advice, not some lemon he's got in his pocket. That would be compounding the silliness.

She will end up giving him a nominal sum but it will likely be a small fraction and nowhere near 50%

Arrange to see three or four solicitors and you go with her if she needs support. Do not let her just listen to one lawyer and sign on with him whatever you do. If I had done that, I would not have my own home now. I kept asking the questions until I heard what I wanted to hear and I paid the ex 22k and done and dusted.

He had spent it all in a month. I didn't care. :)

Ddakji · 01/04/2025 16:39

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 01/04/2025 16:37

She needs separate advice, not some lemon he's got in his pocket. That would be compounding the silliness.

She will end up giving him a nominal sum but it will likely be a small fraction and nowhere near 50%

Arrange to see three or four solicitors and you go with her if she needs support. Do not let her just listen to one lawyer and sign on with him whatever you do. If I had done that, I would not have my own home now. I kept asking the questions until I heard what I wanted to hear and I paid the ex 22k and done and dusted.

He had spent it all in a month. I didn't care. :)

Show quote history

Not her DH, the OP’s DH, her brother.

Topseyt123 · 01/04/2025 16:46

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 01/04/2025 16:37

She needs separate advice, not some lemon he's got in his pocket. That would be compounding the silliness.

She will end up giving him a nominal sum but it will likely be a small fraction and nowhere near 50%

Arrange to see three or four solicitors and you go with her if she needs support. Do not let her just listen to one lawyer and sign on with him whatever you do. If I had done that, I would not have my own home now. I kept asking the questions until I heard what I wanted to hear and I paid the ex 22k and done and dusted.

He had spent it all in a month. I didn't care. :)

Show quote history

She's getting separate advice. It's OP's DH who has made the appointment with the solicitor and will be going with her (his sister).

Optimist2020 · 01/04/2025 17:04

@Mearse Your SIL is a very silly woman. Your DH tried to warn her but she was a fool in love. Your sil husband will be able to claim a share of her home, even if he hasn’t paid towards the mortgage . It’s now a marital asset.

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 01/04/2025 17:10

Topseyt123 · 01/04/2025 16:46

She's getting separate advice. It's OP's DH who has made the appointment with the solicitor and will be going with her (his sister).

Show quote history

Ahh thanks for that. I nearly got stitched up by my ex so I'm thin skinned about shizz like this.

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 01/04/2025 17:15

Ddakji · 01/04/2025 16:39

Not her DH, the OP’s DH, her brother.

Show quote history

Thanks. I misread it :(

Snorlaxo · 01/04/2025 17:16

Your MIL is wrong about it being all ok because she owned it pre-marriage. Other countries have pre-nups to protect pre-marital assets for cases like this.
Assuming you’re in England btw - laws about pre-marital assets may be different elsewhere.

FortyElephants · 01/04/2025 17:18

ZoggyStirdust · 01/04/2025 10:59

If he’s posted on here he’s have been told never to move in to someone else’s house without being put on the deeds.

well… if he posted as a woman. A man would be told to suck it up.

Rubbish. It's don't PAY towards the mortgage if you aren't on the deeds. For goodness sake.

IsItAllRubbish · 01/04/2025 17:21

Christ what a wonderful SIL you are! Splashing her personal business on the internet so we all know how wonderful you are and what a dipshit she is! Poor woman, have a bit of compassion.

Endofyear · 01/04/2025 17:22

Yes the poor woman has been foolish in some people's eyes but I'm not sure what she could have done to protect her assets. She married him in good faith, presumably thinking they'll be together for life. It's sad that her marriage has ended and she's probably feeling pretty low right now. She needs your support, not I told you so. I'm glad your DH is helping her get some legal advice.

DoYouReally · 01/04/2025 17:32

Yes, your SIL was incredibly foolish but if she had two failed relationships and thought this was her happy ever after I can see how it could happen.

Your DH sounds like a decent man- advised her initially, booked the solicitor and going with her.

Yes her STBXH has a potential claim on her house but a lot of things will be taken into consideration- lenght of marraige, contribution, ability to house himself, earnings etc. It is very much a case by case basis but a good divorce solicitor is worth their weight in gold.