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Original poster

Gutted and livid at same time

56 replies

DennyDoll · 01/04/2025 01:27

My daughter is 29, and having a baby in July . She was over the moon and I'm so excited to become a grandma for the first time . She's been with her partner coming up to a year (I know right?) but he seemed great, good looking, good job etc . Since becoming pg though , he's turned into the bf from hell 😢 He's easily led by his mates that she thought he'd got away from but they seem to lure him back to the fold with alcohol and cocaine . He turns into a monster .. comes home paranoid and aggressive towards her . Not physical but verbal . I can't believe she got herself pg with him but he was perfect before . I'm so so upset for her . 80% of the time he's fine but that 20% of dickheadness has ruined everything. He'll lose everything and he'll have to pay for sure and probably won't get much time with the child at this rate but she never wanted this and its made her so sad. On Saturday they had the best day together , shopping for the baby , lunch, flowers etc then at home about 9pm he got a call from one of his cronies and off he went with his bank card and he knew what he was doing. She was heartbroken and came to mine as she knew he'd be back later wasted. she went back the next day, he was on a huge come down so in bed all day and he's sulked ever since . Why do some men sabotage their lives like this ? I'm so worried for her

OP posts:
nopenotplaying · 02/04/2025 09:41

If you don’t put the father’s name on the certificate won’t that mean you can’t claim CSA?

Fern95 · 02/04/2025 10:14

She needs to leave to be truly safe. My partner used to use cocaine and told me that he's horrified looking back, mostly about how aggressive it made him feel towards his family (parents and brothers). The come down can make some people very agitated and unpredictable. For context my partner is a lovely guy who got upset once when he accidentally elbowed me 🫣

Snoopdoggydog123 · 02/04/2025 10:52

nopenotplaying · 02/04/2025 09:41

If you don’t put the father’s name on the certificate won’t that mean you can’t claim CSA?

No, she can still claim. It would then be OK him to prove he's not the father.

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Relationship problems
VoltaireMittyDream · 02/04/2025 18:24

Shitmonger · 02/04/2025 03:35

I dream of the day that women who call themselves feminists and yet insist that women are never responsible for their own actions and choices achieve self-awareness and release that they too are misogynists. One of the most insidious types of misogynist, in fact, because they encourage women to remain powerless, not take control of their own lives, and to repeat the same mistakes.

OP, it sounds like she has a great support system around her and that you are ready to step up and help her. When she seems ready, it would be a good idea for her to have some therapy. It sounds like she knows that there’s no future with him which is one of the hardest parts to get through but she will also need to protect her son from having to be around his father while he’s high on cocaine or coming down from it. Good luck. It won’t be easy (unless he helpfully pisses off) but you’ll all get through it together. 💐

Women are absolutely responsible for their own actions - I totally agree with you. What I don’t agree with is the tone some people take when addressing concerned mothers of abused adult women - ‘well you’ve brought this on yourselves, haven’t you? With your low standards?’

We could be a bit more compassionate rather than judgemental when we’re helping women to use their power, is all I’m saying.

We could also do with some recognition of the fact that it can be fucking hard to be a heterosexual woman surrounded by shitty men. Not all of us have decent men in our orbit. And when this is the case, it can be hard to believe they actually exist and aren’t some sort of elite progressive unicorn fairy tale.

And then to be shamed, essentially, for not holding out for one of the good ones when you’ve literally never met one IRL, feels like shit.

Yes! Women are in charge of their decisions. No, not all women start off with a level playing field when it comes to relationship choices. So can we just be a bit more genuinely helpful and and less fucking smug and condescending when someone is in a tough spot and asking for help?

That’s all I’m saying.

Redburnett · 02/04/2025 18:26

Why do so many women make such unwise decisions when there are options?

VoltaireMittyDream · 02/04/2025 18:29

Redburnett · 02/04/2025 18:26

Why do so many women make such unwise decisions when there are options?

Why does anyone make unwise decisions when there are options?

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