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Original poster

OCD and my unused spare room

37 replies

ThatLilacHedgehog · 30/03/2025 23:00

So I have a spare room since my son moved out for uni and have been given strict instructions to leave his room untouched and to keep out, the door is closed pretty much all the time, I checked it for the first time in a while today and the room hasn’t built up much dust but I noticed it was really warm in there and walked into a cobweb.

I’m wondering can the warmth cause damage to my sons belongings and if there is a spider in there could that eat through his fabrics?

OP posts:
Allthesnowallthetime · 30/03/2025 23:04

I think spiders don't eat fabrics

Silvertulips · 30/03/2025 23:08

I think you need help.

Hoydenish · 30/03/2025 23:11

The window needs to be on trickle vent and why is the room so warm? Turn the rad down to background.

I am ignoring the clothes-eating spider scenario.

sploshsplash · 30/03/2025 23:12

He wants you to leave it untouched? No window airing, hoovering?

Neversayit · 30/03/2025 23:13

What has this to do with OCD?

Ponderingwindow · 30/03/2025 23:17

The room needs ventilation and the occasional dusting and hoovering just like the rest of the house. While it isn’t truly a spare room and I would respect his personal belongings, you are still allowed to maintain your home and even use the space if desired.

WhatMe123 · 30/03/2025 23:25

I asssume op has ocd and js now having intrusive thoughts about a spider in her spare room. 🤔

Endofyear · 30/03/2025 23:27

I would be regularly opening the window to let in some fresh air and also hoovering and dusting. Your son shouldn't get to dictate to you how to clean and care for your home, as long as you're not going through his personal things. Spiders won't harm the fabrics and are in fact beneficial as they eat any little flies etc.

Neversayit · 30/03/2025 23:28

WhatMe123 · 30/03/2025 23:25

I asssume op has ocd and js now having intrusive thoughts about a spider in her spare room. 🤔

Perhaps. I thought it was moths that ate fabric, not spiders (hence mothballs and so on)?

Have you been diagnosed with OCD OP?
It can be very debilitating I know.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 30/03/2025 23:45

I think you need to keep a window open a tiny bit for ventilation.
It’s not really up to him to demand you keep the door closed. It’s your home
You certainly don’t want damp in there.

Pinkbendyman · 30/03/2025 23:49

I second other PPs - open the window and prop open the door, even if it’s just for an hour or so a day. Rooms need good ventilation to prevent damp and humidity.

Spiders won’t cause any harm to soft furnishings.

ChangingHistory · 30/03/2025 23:58

How often is ds coming home? Is he being a dick telling you to stay out of his room or is there more background to it eg you've not been able to stop yourself sorting his stuff, throwing away, etc?

Turn the radiator down, crack open the eibdiw a touch and tell him he needs to wipe down all the surfaces and vacuum every time he's home if he doesn't want you in there.

DiscoBeat · 30/03/2025 23:59

I don't think spiders eat fabrics but moths do. It needs airing and light occasional cleaning though, so he can't expect you not to go in to do that. And maybe put some moth repellent in the wardrobe and on the carpet if it's wool

Original poster
ThatLilacHedgehog · 31/03/2025 00:19

sploshsplash · 30/03/2025 23:12

He wants you to leave it untouched? No window airing, hoovering?

Yes he doesn’t want me in there, it’s not dusty though

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 31/03/2025 00:23

I don't think your son should be bossing you about. Tell him he has Easter holidays to get rid of his private stuff or lock it up (porn? Knive? Drugs?) then you'll be using his room as a guest room when he's away as it's YOUR HOME

MarieKlepto · 31/03/2025 00:35

What a little bully! In your home, that you pay for, you can't cross the threshold of a room, the door of which has to be permanently closed? Can't check for mould, moths or mildew, can't ventilate? You are not even advocating that he now needs to accept his sporadic visits require him to double up his bedroom as a guest room/office/whatever. He needs an entitlement check.

Original poster
ThatLilacHedgehog · 31/03/2025 00:49

MarieKlepto · 31/03/2025 00:35

What a little bully! In your home, that you pay for, you can't cross the threshold of a room, the door of which has to be permanently closed? Can't check for mould, moths or mildew, can't ventilate? You are not even advocating that he now needs to accept his sporadic visits require him to double up his bedroom as a guest room/office/whatever. He needs an entitlement check.

You’re true! Just don’t want to break his trust. Do you think it’s likely the closed off room would have developed any problems being vacant?

OP posts:
WhatMe123 · 31/03/2025 07:03

Well op you should be going in tjere to open a window and clean as that's protecting the property isn't it
You own the home you can scare for it. I'd take it to mean don't re decorate it all etc but I'd have tidied up if it was my child

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 31/03/2025 08:21

Silvertulips · 30/03/2025 23:08

I think you need help.

Really?? Could you be any more rude?

Original poster
ThatLilacHedgehog · 31/03/2025 10:02

WhatMe123 · 31/03/2025 07:03

Well op you should be going in tjere to open a window and clean as that's protecting the property isn't it
You own the home you can scare for it. I'd take it to mean don't re decorate it all etc but I'd have tidied up if it was my child

I think I will start going in there to do a little spring clean. Do you think having the room closed off without ventilation would have caused any damage? Thanks again.

OP posts:
Neversayit · 31/03/2025 11:15

No, I think it’s fine OP.

You seem very anxious. Are you getting help with that?

Sorry, that sounds blunt, but I mean it kindly. I am a worrier myself and have a relative with OCD.

I’m not sure if you’ve been diagnosed with the latter, but I know it can be hugely debilitating. Looking for reassurance can be one aspect of it and doesn’t really help long-term unfortunately.

I really hope you can access some support with everything.

Heronwatcher · 31/03/2025 11:31

There won’t have been any damage. Every room has a degree of ventilation and if you’ve had the heating on it won’t have got damp. Heat itself won’t damage anything- it’s damp/ moisture that’s the issue.

Going forwards though, as others have said I’d turn the radiator right down, go in and open the windows every few days and do a basic clean (hoover and dust) every couple of weeks. I’d leave the door open too.

That’s not breaching trust (you’re not rifling through his drawers or searching his pockets), it’s basic housekeeping and property maintenance (if you don’t go in there for months what if there is a leak or something). If your son doesn’t like it, he can rent himself a studio for uni holidays or put his stuff into long term storage.

I’d also suggest a visit to the GP as I do think most people wouldn’t be worrying about this.

StartAnew · 31/03/2025 11:37

ThatLilacHedgehog · 31/03/2025 00:19

Yes he doesn’t want me in there, it’s not dusty though

Show quote history

I would turn the radiator down to minium, leave the door slightly ajar and open a window now and then, and run the hover and duster round every couple of weeks. A spider is no problem.
More of a problem is that you feel your son can order you about like this. Fair enough if he wants you to knock on his bedroom door when he's at home, and you shouldn't ever go through his paperwork or possessions, but other than that it's your house and up to you what you do by way of cleaning and ventilating the room.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 31/03/2025 12:24

Aww I understand you’re anxious because of your OCD. Having the door closed wouldn’t have caused damage in a short time.
He has no right to ban you from entering a room in your own home
Turn the radiator off and open the window to let air in
By telling you not to go in, I’d take it as not to open his drawers and wardrobe which is reasonable if he’d asked you nicely, but he didn’t.
you pay the bills, he doesn’t.

WhatMe123 · 31/03/2025 12:34

Lack of ventilation can cause mould and condensation yes but all fixable with done good airing out get that window open 😁😁

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