To think that women would enjoy Mothers Day more if they managed their expectations and were grateful for the simple gesture.

[Theteenagerera]

Just that really…

Year after year the boards on here are full of disappointed women who feel like enough hasn’t been bought, done and prepared for Mother’s Day. No restaurant was booked, there wasn’t an expensive gift, all they got was a mumbled greeting from their teen at midday…

But really the beauty of Mother’s Day is within the small simple things, the commotion of 4 people trying to be quiet in the kitchen proudly presenting you with a granola bowl and a pot of tea, looking over the homemade nursery card which still have the tea bag stuck in the inside and bit of paper with a hand print stuck on the front which is hanging on by a thread but becomes more treasured year after year of course the bags of chocolate which has been unwrapped and delved into by little (or not so little hands) before you can say thank you.

We are having a Chinese tonight (treated by my folks that are visiting) and also a few pints in our local pub (my request) but already my small moments have been my favourite this morning. My eldest daughter who appeared blurry eyed from a night out this morning after walking the mile home so she could spend her bus fares on a £1 bunch of Daffodils for me and DH making me a cup of tea in bed while everyone else was sleeping and listening to the birds and bumble bees outside in the sunshine.

Appreciating these smaller moments of kindness and love on Mothering Sunday makes it a much happier and content day.

Ages ago now, but both adult children of a colleague told her separately after M day, that they had sent a card ‘but it must have got lost in the post.’
Her kids were hopeless workshy scroungers anyway, but it was salt in the wound for her to have both of them fail to bother, and then lie about it. I felt so sorry for her.

Who says that's what I do? I have a lovely, appreciative family who go out of their way to show their affection. But I've been on MN long enough to know that lots of women do find themselves in the unfortunate situation of being treated like a doormat / servant.

You have completely missed the point, which is that some women live in a household populated by lazy ungrateful oafs who do sod all the whole year round, and then can't even be bothered to buy a card or make a cup of tea for their mum. Not only that, but there are many women with kids far too young to do anything for Mothering Sunday and who necessarily need the input of their dad, who can't be arsed.

Me neither ! I mean I've wished my mother happy mothers day. My DC have wished me happy mothers day too. They've offered to cook dinner which is nice, but will likely be a team effort anyways
I would rather they unstacked the dishwasher and did chores than bought me a card !

We don't do Father's day at all - dh says it's just about commercialism and he hates it.

I normally claim no washing up, and that's fine and sorted. But I know they appreciate what I do for them through the year so I don't really feel they need to do stuff, which would feel artificial because they had to rather than the spontaneous "thank you" or the little present they get because they saw it and thought I'd like it.
Dd has just asked if I mind if she goes and meets her friends this afternoon, and it was sweet she asked but I don't mind at all.

My family have always kept things low key and so have DHs. Card, flowers or chocs level gift, maybe a cup of tea and bit of cake with nearest child. This is the first year without MIL and the third without my Mum. It's been ok, cards and small gifts, DC with us for family dinner.

Some of the ads I've seen on TV and social media are pretty cash grabby, raise expectations nonsense. The Pandora one is gross - kids of 5-7 years of age saying 'my Mum likes hearts'. There is no way a child of that age should consider gifting something like that even if it's their Dad who's had to pay for it. A handmade or shop bought card they have written in means much more.

Also - lol - this mum can't stand heart shaped jewellery. The epitome of naff.

I agree with you, OP. The mothers' days that I remember are the ones where my daughter gave me a hand made card, made me toast for my breakfast, picked a bunch of flowers from my garden, and told me she loved me. I never have, and never will, understand why there is an expectation for fathers to organise a meal out, or to buy presents, and I hate the way mothers' day has become so over commercialised over the years. When I was a young child, I don't remember even seeing mothers' day cards in the shops - it was a day for making your mum feel loved and special.

But do you really think ‘bending over backwards to do everything for everyone’ for 364 days a year can be put right by a bottle of perfume (bunch flowers, charm bracelet whatever) and lunch out in the busiest day of the year when the service is slow and the food mediocre ? Surely it’s better to have a life where everyone shows care and respect throughout the year - and a bunch of daffs is fine ? When DC was younger we used to regularly go out for a Sunday lunch - but never on Mother’s Day.

I think has a lot to do with social media - lots of overly gushing posts and photos of massive bouquets of flowers as a giver and receiver. It’s like a competition sometimes!

My son has complex special needs and he volunteers in a cafe a few days a week. He gets a free slice of cake of his choice to bring home each day. He picked and brought my favourite home for me on Friday it made my absolute week. I'm easily pleased 😂

That’s really sweet, what a thoughtful lad

These threads moaning about women just not being appreciative enough of very little effort scream ‘cool girl’ to me. I don’t need any appreciation, just shit on me, because I’m a cool mum.

This is what needs addressing though.

If I was the only one bending over backwards to do everything for everyone for an entire year, there's not a Mother's Day card on the planet that would stop me divorcing the lazy shit I'd obviously had kids with 🤷‍♂️

Women don't have to be martyr's

My family do lots of little things all year to show me I am appreciated so I don't need a big fuss.
I just want the 4 of us to be together (although if DH chose to spend the Day with his Mum I would be ok with it). The Dc are older teens now so its very precious to me.
Card, bunch of flowers and a cuppa is enough for me
I do agree that like most events/special days these days SM makes it a big deal and sets people up for disappointment

“Yeah”, says a woman who’s been surrounded by family all day, “you lot who’ve been sidelined and ignored should just be grateful for any little scrap. Losers.”

🙄🙄🙄

honestly op. I have had a lovely Mother’s Day but I am a bit nauseated by you on this thread.

I was very grateful for the slice of toast my 4yo lovingly attempted to butter and spread jam on for breakfast.🥰

My 2yo was ecstatic to give me a plant they'd potted themselves and pulled all the flower heads off at nursery. 🤭🥰

The excitement in their eyes and voices this morning to do something nice for Mummy was lovely and absolutely enough 😍

I guess the real question is why you're bending over backwards for everyone all year round if others aren't making a comparable effort for you?

My DH does next to nothing for mother's day, birthdays or Christmas because they mean nothing to him and he knows that I don't refer to them as a measure of how much he values me. Why would I, when he bends over backwards all year round to pull his weight and be an equal partner?

My dd, as it happens, has always been really thoughtful on these occasions, but it wouldn't bother me if she wasn't because she makes an effort all year round and doesn't ever take what I do for granted.

If people are putting up with shit all year round, I can't understand how a bunch of flowers and a card on mother's day is supposed to compensate for that.

I get that people may have no choice to put up with ungrateful children, but why are people staying with partners who show no awareness or appreciation for all that they do?

I think mothers should get the Mother's Day they want. If that means getting showered with presents and taken out for lunch, then that's absolutely fine by me. And if they view it as a Hallmark holiday and would rather pull their finger nails out than celebrate, then that's fine too.

My confidence as a mother and my ego in general isn't dependent on some daft commercialised nonsense on one day of the year. It's so odd that what began as a church event has become some sort of thing that the atheists get their knickers in a knot over. It's empty, performative, meaningless and a bit desperate if you ask me. A card and a bunch of daffodils is nice when they're in nursery, but being in silent competition with your mother in law and spending the day seething over her demands for attention whilst your teenagers spend the day ignoring you isn't my idea of fun.

I’m not bothered about stuff or a mug that say mum and not mummy, I appreciate a family to spend the day with, a DM who is still alive and a sunny day.

I agree.

I do think if Mother’s Day is the only day in the year you are allowed to put your feet up, I’d be speaking to my OH and kids and making sure that my needs are also met throughout the year.

Im quite lucky that I never feel burdened with all of the house work, and when I do feel under-appreciated, I’m vocal about it. So when Mother’s Day comes around, it’s not really about being spoiled to death, usually it’s a day where anything I say goes but it’s about being with eachother and also appreciating our own mothers.

Single mum here. I got nothing for mother's day as usual. People who have a partner who makes the effort to arrange something should count their blessings rather than moan that it wasn't expensive or glamourous enough.

I mean, there is an extent to which what you are saying is always true of all people at all times - it is easier to achieve happiness if you learn to look for wonder in small, every day things.....

What I am deeply troubled by, in your post and the numerous other similar ones I have seen todayz is the suggestion that this need for modest/limited expectations applies specifically to women, and even more specifically to mothers. That expecting any form of celebration beyond the very humble, modest and cheap (tea in bed is mentioned a lot for example - really, a hot drink bought to you in bed is meant to be a once a year event we are massively grateful for?) is somehow unseemly and indecorous.

It's this kind of social conditioning - to stay in our tiny box and always put ourselves lat, suppress our own needs , hat underpins the atill-going-strong power of the patriarchy. Can you imagine a group of men constantly advising each other to limit expectations on their special celebratory days, and frankly shut up and be happy with a card with some stuff stuck on it that your child was compelled to make at school, and someone stocking w teabag in boiling water, adding milk snd bringing it up to you?

Sorry, but the whole thing smacks of telling women to get back in their box, and be grateful for what they have.

The number of posts implying that getting a lie in for an extra ten minutes and someone else making some toast for you in the morning, is an extraordinary once a year only luxury, also really worrying me if accurate. Women seem to be living, if their own free will, in crueller, harsher, more exploitative conditions than those endured by prisoners in the Victorian era.

If it's true, and you are living like this by choice, please stop doing so. It's insane. Many of the women complaining of these conditions live with partners - and it seems these partners contribute nothing in any form at any point. So many posters saying they do everything on every other day of the year, which I find frankly terrifying. If this is the case, leave, it's not normal or expected these days to live a life of Cinderella-like surgery because you are a mom.......

@Theteenagerera

Ah, a well-meaning sentiment, but let's cut to the chase here. Mothers, like anyone else, deserve more than to be placated with a few small gestures wrapped in the thin guise of gratitude. It’s not about "managing expectations" it’s about demanding the respect, recognition, and celebration that is owed, not just to mothers, but to all individuals who devote themselves selflessly.

The idea that women should simply "appreciate the small things" reduces an entire day to tokenism. Sure, a handmade card with tea bags stuck inside is charming in its own right, but the expectation is the problem.

Expecting a day of grace, appreciation, and joy shouldn’t be reduced to mere crumbs, where we settle for tepid tea and a lacklustre greeting.

You see, the small gestures are meaningful, yes, but they shouldn’t be the crux of the conversation. What is needed here is not just a few "meaningful" moments but a larger, systemic shift. We need to stop treating motherhood as a mere role and start valuing it as a vocation.

A vocation that deserves, at the very least, as much as the flowers and pints are worth, but also the respect and equal weight that we give to every other sacrifice made in society.

The truth is simple gratitude is nice, but equality, recognition, and sustained appreciation are the real currency. It's not about managing expectations it's about raising them, and setting the bar higher for all of us, on days like Mother’s Day and every other day of the year.