For those on their own or simply don't care... Mother's Day! Again. I know!

[TheBuffetInspector]

I'll go first... Me... Me! It's all about me, because I'm a mother!!

So... 🤣 I simply give no shits as I've always been a single parent to a now 28 year old (DS) and a now 16 year old (DD).

To be fair to DD bless her, she's always written something, all gushing, hearts and flowers and it brings me to tears.

However there has been many a year that, in spite of her prep, I've been sat downstairs catching up on Saturday nights TV when she wanders down lunchtime-ish, looking for some food and a drink.
Off she pops back upstairs, it could be another 2 hours before I hear the inevitable "Shit! Sorry Mum! Coming now! Would you like a cup of tea?!"
"No thank you, I have gin."

But the thought was always there, during the build up and advertising ❤️

My son, however takes it to another level and then some.
Previously I've had - "Mum, can I borrow a fiver please?"... 🙄 For what, I wonder?
Hand over £5.
Baring in mind he was an adult by this stage... (I'm thinking card and daffs, I don't ask for much).

To My Wonderful Step Mum on Mother's Day.
With Step crossed out 😂
£1.35
No daffs.

"Yeah sorry, by the time I remembered, that was all that was left"
Uh-huh.
"and the rest was bus fare"

It's pretty much legendary now 😂 do I mind? Of course not. You can only blame the parent really.

Actually to be fair, he did take me and his little sister out one Mother's Day. We went to KFC and then to a sports bar place and played darts 😂😂

I wouldn't change a thing. I know they love me.
It's not like I'd write on an open internet forum and tell everyone about their little foibles!

Okay,

Please tell me I'm not alone 😂

@gillefc82 isn't that just typical. Your dad too though?

I'm lucky, I speak to my Mum every day and see her at least twice a week. She knows how much I love and appreciate her. She also knows I'm 'child' free, responsibility free until after school Monday when DD will be home, so she knows I'm going to be an absolute lazy cow today.
Read and sleep? Bliss!

I've only just seen this 🤣🤣 brilliant! Or not?

That's hilarious.

Yes - the relationship dynamic between my DM and DF is a whole other topic for another day but his lack of effort was neither surprising nor out of the ordinary sadly.

Your plans sound fabulous! Out of curiosity, which book are you reading and is it one you would recommend?

Hope you have a lovely, lazy responsibility-free Sunday! 💐

Thank you so much ❤️ I hope you have a lovely day with your Mum.

I've just started the entire series of Jack Logan books again by @JDKirk It's been over 5 years since I began reading them. I love them. Lots of dark humour. Book 5 of 21.

I don't his username is valid any more, but if it is @JDKirk I have a bone to pick with you regarding Neish and Logan

So it's all very serious stuff 🤣 can't be having interruptions of food and flowers!!

Yeah kids only think of themselves at that age (your DD, your son should know better than to let you down too) but I wouldn’t be having swearing in my house. It’s a matter of respect. Many will most likely disagree with me, it’s how I was brought up and how I’ve brought my now 13 year old DD. I haven’t sworn in front of her, she knows not to do that at home too.

I have been procrastinating about going to bed while watching crap netflix...my two will not even remember tomorrow is mother's day, but their dad does usually make the effort to take them to tk max for a candle or something. I've sort have been promised that DD will take the cat so she doesn't wake me up at 6am but it's unlikely. I'll just try to sleep in and then go and see my mum to take her flowers and chocolates because she is an absolute diamond.

Both mine are autistic and thought for others has to be encouraged, but I know they love me and in their own way they do appreciate me. It'll have to do!

Just another day though really. Except I'm fitting a new side gate to out house as I decided today was the day to get that done 🤦

My children have never let me down.

I don't care one jot about what you think, what you allow in your house or what words you allow your daughter to fucking utter.

It's all a load of cunty bollocks.

Fuck me, fuck, there I go again!

@Icantpeopleanymore happy side gate fitting!

I might have to get outside and do something as was gardening today and I've got sunburn on one side of my face 😭 I need to go out and well, burn the other cheek - boom boom 🤣. Oh dear.

Alright love, as you were 😂😂😂

Shouldn't you be in bed mother?

Not at my age, no. Should you be?

No, because I don't need to be present for a 13 year old later on today.

I hope she hasn't got anything special planned for you.

It'll be wasted when you're zombie like.

Poor girl.

Hahaha, nice try assuming, wrongly 😂 Aren’t you vile? Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree 🤷🏻‍♀️ yep, I can make assumptions with no prior knowledge too have a great day

It's quite bizarre you commenting on this thread full stop.

Apples, trees and now I'm vile. Truth hurting? Nevermind. There's plenty of other threads for sanctimonious spewing.

No worries. Again, have a great day

Myself and every other poster were having nice chats and the odd laugh.

All very civil and lovely.

Until you. Nevermind. Have a lovely day. A wonderful one.

Thank you.

Both kids in touch before 9 ❤️ I can safely go to sleep now 😂. Enjoy your day all 🌷

I am bracing myself…

Oh bum... You've caught me by surprise 🤣

Book 2 I think, I'm going to have to do some quick research...

Bum?!! Where is my inner Hoon?

Righty ho, Mr Captain @JDKirk ...

The Killing Code. Book 3, Chapter 42 (I'm just setting the scene in case you've forgotten).

DCI Logan (the big fella in charge) gives DC Neish (our immaculately gelled buffoon) his first ever heartfelt praise and does so publicly for all to hear.

With me? I'm kind of hoping not.

And what does he call him?

He calls him DC Tyler.

Correct, you read that right.
Not DC Neish.
Not DC Tyler Neish.

DC Tyler.
Which, as I'm sure you know, is not the correct way to address his DCship especially with it being such a momentous occasion.
I personally feel let down for DC Neish.
I'm feeling his pain. Although nobody seemed to notice.

Oh fucking hell, I didn't expect you to reply did I? I can't even bear to open my kindle now that my OCD has been outed to all and sundry!

Happy now? It's a good job my adult kids aren't here on Mother's Day isn't it? They'd have to witness me having a fucking breakdown now you've forced me to reveal my pettiness. Clutched it from my inner turmoil and turned it outward. Will somebody think of my Grandchild?!

So yeah... That was all, nothing major.

It's quite a good series of books you've got going for yourself there. You should branch out, maybe do a spin-off.

I am so mortified!
You can unbrace now.

@TheBuffetInspector I am reeling from this. I’ve let you down, I’ve let myself down and - most importantly - I’ve let DC Tyler down.

Neish, I mean. DC Neish!

I will endeavour to fix it as soon as I can, and apologise that you had to deal with this. It is wholly unacceptable.

Glad you’re enjoying them, though! You are SURELY aware of the Hoon and DI Filson spin-offs, though, right…?

I dont do any holidays at all.

Dear @JDKirk ,

Thank you for getting back to me regarding this travesty. One of your own making, I should add.

It brings me no pleasure having to take down one of my favourite writers and leaving them reeling in my wake.
That said, on this Mothering Sunday, I'm glad that I've been able to steer you on to greater things. Rookie mistakes do not a book sell said God.

DC Tyler Neish will be so proud to have his blatant slur amended. Like I said to the random stranger I was chatting to last night, these books are full of joy, pride and Maypole dancing. I have read all 20, it was only when I was struck down by almighty Gozer last week that I decided to revisit.
I think you'll agree, that it's a good job I did.

SURELY in capital letters?

Of course! I'm a right sarcastic wanker!

I am a fucking arsehole 🤣 My daughter has been laughing so much at the screenshots I've sent. She's well aware of the Hoon insult generator. Practically weaned on it!

You, sir, have made my day!

Oh and I'm already on your email subscription list, so don't think you're quids in with some other muppet to spam.

Oh... Fucking brilliant!

Is July really the closest new offering? Ach.

You're amazing and I thank you. Your writing makes me laugh so much. Palmer as a stand up...!

Just purely marvellous.

I've never left you a review on Amazon, just so you know. I figured with 19K, you might be entering in to smug git territory. Well you're not Stephen King are you? Must try harder.

Fucking love it. Thank you so, so much.

Truly.