‘Bullying’ at work … am I handling correctly?

[workplacebullyingornot]

I don’t even know if I am being bullied, my colleague (25 years in the job) seems to think so.

Very challenging 6-8 weeks, I’m being treated like shit by a few colleagues. Came to a head this week where I was pretty much berated for two hours by two colleagues.

It transpires I’m being talked about behind my back and all sorts.

I’ve been going to work in tears, panicking silently when I’m there, coming home exhausted and then spending all weekend asleep or watching TV because I’m so tired. It’s massively impacting on my mental health, I’ve been to the GP and diagnosed with depression.

I have emailed my chain of command, my day to day managers as well as service leads for support. I’m reasonably newly qualified, I’m feeling a bit out of my depth. Every decision I make is pulled to bits and I’m treated as if I’m trying to make people’s lives more difficult.

I don’t know what to do. I’m terrified I’m making a mess of my job, and I’m considering quitting. Yesterday I had to sit in a meeting of 10
people where it started again, two of my managers intervened and said ‘right, this isn’t x’s fault, this isn’t even x’s job’ and then I had a second meeting where three senior colleagues expressed concern that I’m being treated badly and too much pressure.

I was horrendously bullied as a child and again in my first job, my self esteem is shot and this is bringing back memories.

I’m being very professional at work. No tears, trying to use active
listening and compassionate leadership etc, trying to work out the best solutions and I never speak with aggression but I’m not being met with the same tone - I’m being talked to like I’m stupid and not worth being there.

The last person in my role left very suddenly and I’m starting to realise exactly why!

Who can I go to independently for advice? I’m worried about this and the effect on me.

Please tell me you're in a union, you need a rep immediately to step in. Let this be a lesson to join one next time as it sounds like you aren't in one - they generally don't help with issues existing before you joined. Otherwise I'd be looking immediately for a new job. You can raise a grievance but it sounds like a toxic workplace that won't be fixed by one person's actions.

I'm really sorry, I've experienced workplace bullying myself and I know it's awful.

Ok that's unacceptable! Being bullied in an open meeting is good as you have witnesses too.
Print off your dignity policy and bullying at work policy (or anything else that's relevant), forthright it and underline anything that's happening to you. Then write it all down, dat was etc, who was in the vicinity so can be called as a witness if necessary. It sounds like they e been challenged already by senior staff so it's just now you highlighting the events and HR / management investigating
Good luck!

I’m in a union yes - clinical role so I have the union we have to join, plus professional insurance etc etc.

Do you have a hr department and access to policies on bullying? It should guide you in what to do.

Start writing everything down so you have an accurate record of what these people are saying and doing.

When you have emailed your chain for command for support what have they said? They should be trying to help you with this. If they're not then the next step would be potentially raising a grievance. Have you spoken to your union for advice?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It doesn't sound like an issue you can fix yourself because the problem lies with them and not you.

Ah OK, the thing I thought was a union isn’t a union, so maybe I need to join Unite.

Thank you, my supervisor (not my manager) has asked me to write her a statement in case a complaint is made against me, so I’ll get that done and go through the dignity policies with her. We have them on all the walls in the building, etc. It’s just a matter of people following them!

So the first thing is to write an account of what’s been happening, when and who’s been involved including witnesses. Then get a hold of the relevant policies - bullying, grievance, dignity at work etc. then speak to your Union, this is what you pay them for.

In terms of being newly qualified yes more experienced colleagues might check your decision making but that should be from a place of support, in a respectful way helping you learn on the job. I can’t imagine having 2 hours in my day to berate anyone even if I wanted to. Senior staff being supportive is good - but it needs a bit more than a challenge in a meeting.

It honestly depends on how much you need this job in particular and how much energy you have to stand your ground whether you stay or go, but in my experience it never really gets better.

Thank you, my supervisor (not my manager) has asked me to write her a statement in case a complaint is made against me,

Why does your supervisor think a complaint might be made against you?

It sounds horrible.
Is it a couple of individuals? Are they the same level as you in terms of the qualifications? Or perhaps very experienced people but a lower level in terms of qualifications. I find that sometimes those people can have a chip on their shoulder and be very unpleasant.

I was in a health/social care setting and joined new from elsewhere as a senior practitioner in my profession. There was someone who'd been there years but never done her qualification so got paid less. She was horrible and if I asked her something (local procedure type thing) she was very "you should know that, you're the senior" 🙄
She warmed up to me in the end but was exactly the same with anyone new that was above her.

It doesn't sound like your supervisor is being very helpful if they're suggesting you should be worried about a complaint against you.

The ACAS website is a good place to start for advice too if you're not actually in a union.

Because the decisions they’re asking me to make directly impact on care - so they can say that I’m not doing my job. I’m not qualified to make those decisions, so I haven’t been, but they can argue I should be. If that makes sense, it’s a very complex situation and I can’t give much details on mumsnet.

What I don't understand is if senior people agree that you're being bullied, what are they doing to stop it?

I think they’re band 6 - I’m lower band 5, but we have different jobs altogether. In terms of experience in the workplace though they have years on me, which I respect (they know a lot more than me about aspects of the care setting we work in) but I’ve got my degree for my role, so I do know what I’m talking about; I’m being treated like I’m stupid.

AAAGH PUBLIC SECTOR!! Always the same story. I'm so sorry op it sounds horrendous

Speak to hr and raise a grievance?

I’m wondering this too?

OP you had two managers intervene on your behalf in a meeting, and then three senior colleagues advised they are worried about how much pressure you are under? So who is questioning your abilities/decisions and bullying you - is it your direct reports? Higher ups in other departments?

You should absolutely flag this with hr as soon as possible. I’d give them the statement you are writing, I’d begin a record of your treatment and ask the people who have raised concerns about your treatment to write supporting statements.

Sounds like it’s NHS. I’ve worked in some toxic environments over the 30 years I’ve worked in the NHS although thankfully not now.

I would be looking to change my job to a more functional workplace as this won’t get better. In the meantime document everything and have a look at your dignity at work / bullying policy.

I found previously that pointing out bullying and that you are keeping a record has made people back off quite effectively but life is too short to work with unpleasant people. It’s relatively easy to side step in the NHS so I would definitely consider doing that. Good luck!

OP, to me it sounds like the people bullying you are professionally Jealous. Am I right in thinking Unison would be your Union.? I would contact them. I really do wish you well and I feel very sad that professional people who should be caring people are treating another person so badly. Like others on here have suggested keep a diary of what is going on. Have you got meetings set up with your line manager or HR.? I really do wish you well .If you are not in Unison I would urge you to join.

My son walked out of a job because he was being screamed at by a supervisor and when he tried to be professional and spoke to the manager, he was fobbed off with 'oh it's a misunderstanding'. Turns out the person he was hired to replace actually left because of bullying from the same woman! Why are these people allowed to get away with it time and again?

I don't quite get this either.

You need file a formal grievance for the behaviour. Document who does it, who was there when it happened. The things that are being said about you behind your back and who is saying them.

once your grievance is in go back to your gp and get signed off work while the grievance is investigated. You need to find out your rights and work with someone who can guide you through the process. If you have legal cover on your home insurance (which cannot recommend enough) I suggest using it. If not , citizens advice can help and acas can advise.

This sounds horrid for you and must be really stressful. I'm guessing you are an AHP, Nurse or similar. I'm surprised your professional body can't help. Most professional bodies offer professional support plus act as a union. There is likely to be a workplace rep for the professional body, seek them out for advice.
It sounds like you work for NHS.
Keep a log of everything including witnesses.
Discuss with your supervisor, they should be able to support you with this and point you in the direction of the Grievance policy / Bullying policy.
If your supervisor can't help or is doing the bullying, go higher.
Ask for a workplace stress assessment, your manager should do this, Occupational health can advise, a conversation with Occupational health about how you are coping may also be helpful. If you have Employee wellbeing too, speak to them for psychological support and coping strategies.

Be cautious, if senior colleagues are challenged for their behaviour towards you, they may push for a capability procedure against you. This is awful if it happens, you would have to prove you have the skills they think are lacking, they have to prove have given you the opportunity to learn those skills.

Most importantly look after yourself, healthy eating, exercise, healthy lifestyle, build your social support. Take your lunch break away from the toxic people. Do something you enjoy every day.

It's tough, and will continue to be, for a while but things should improve. You have worked hard to get your qualifications and registration. You are at the beginningof what should be a rewarding career. They don't have the right to take that away from you.
Good luck

I would seriously consider putting in a formal grievance if your managers don’t address this informally with the staff and the situation changes. Sounds like the work culture is very toxic and they have been getting away with it all too long. That’s the responsibility of the leadership team to address.

if it is affective your health I would also consider going off with work related stress, it sounds like it’s impacting you to that extent.

please look after yourself

I knew it would be NHS, bullies thrive there unfortunately. Document absolutely everything, ask your professional body for support.

Please please join a union asap and get them to help you with this. This is CLASSIC NHS stuff, everyone thinks all clinical staff are angels but there are some horrors out there. You need to raise this formally with HR with the support of your union. Write everything down - dates, times, who said what, who else was in the room. it's the only way to deal with people like this. I am really sorry this is happening to you. Please do not blame yourself.