‘Bullying’ at work … am I handling correctly?

[workplacebullyingornot]

I don’t even know if I am being bullied, my colleague (25 years in the job) seems to think so.

Very challenging 6-8 weeks, I’m being treated like shit by a few colleagues. Came to a head this week where I was pretty much berated for two hours by two colleagues.

It transpires I’m being talked about behind my back and all sorts.

I’ve been going to work in tears, panicking silently when I’m there, coming home exhausted and then spending all weekend asleep or watching TV because I’m so tired. It’s massively impacting on my mental health, I’ve been to the GP and diagnosed with depression.

I have emailed my chain of command, my day to day managers as well as service leads for support. I’m reasonably newly qualified, I’m feeling a bit out of my depth. Every decision I make is pulled to bits and I’m treated as if I’m trying to make people’s lives more difficult.

I don’t know what to do. I’m terrified I’m making a mess of my job, and I’m considering quitting. Yesterday I had to sit in a meeting of 10
people where it started again, two of my managers intervened and said ‘right, this isn’t x’s fault, this isn’t even x’s job’ and then I had a second meeting where three senior colleagues expressed concern that I’m being treated badly and too much pressure.

I was horrendously bullied as a child and again in my first job, my self esteem is shot and this is bringing back memories.

I’m being very professional at work. No tears, trying to use active
listening and compassionate leadership etc, trying to work out the best solutions and I never speak with aggression but I’m not being met with the same tone - I’m being talked to like I’m stupid and not worth being there.

The last person in my role left very suddenly and I’m starting to realise exactly why!

Who can I go to independently for advice? I’m worried about this and the effect on me.

If you've only been there a couple of months I'd walk away for the sake of your own mental health. Anything else is going to open up a lot more stress and hassle for you and likely not go anywhere.

I was horribly bullied in one job I had, and could not go to the manager as she and the bully were friendly and even went on holiday together. I did keep a record of it but made active plans to get out. I did get another job which I did very well at but the bully still kept spreading rumours about me being useless at this job and saying that my new boss was looking for ways to get rid of me! I told my new boss who was furious and actually phoned the bully and gave them the most glorious mouthful. Meanwhile the bully started on the person who had been appointed to my old role and made their life so hellish that that they attempted suicide. That was beyond horrific and the bully lost their job. Work place bullying is a truly toxic and damaging thing that does terrible damage. My advice for what it is worth, is to make a note of every little thing, every remark no matter how innocuous it seems at first as it helps to build a picture. While you are doing this, make plans to get out, unless the bully (or bullies) leave it will only get worse.

If other managers expressed concern about the way you are being treated in the meeting and you then had a further meeting to discuss the issues were any decisions made on actions to be taken or was any follow-up agreed?

Join a Union and speak to your FtSu (Freedom to Speak Up) Guardian. Keep a diary each day of any incidents, no matter how small and make sure that you have a copy of the hospital's Grievance Policy.

I am so sorry that you are going through this... Staff can be vicious if this is not nipped in the bud, which is what your managers appeared t obe trying to do at your recent mtg.

I'm an HCP and my professional body is affiliated to the TUC.
You may be similar.

You & this job are not a good fit. Look for a company culture that is a better fit for u.

You are worth more than putting self thru this. Find a different job.

The chances of management actually dealing with the bullies is very low. I would find a new job.
In the meantime:
Write every incident down
Go to the 'Freedom to Speak Up' team
Join Unison. If you pay to a professional agency for your profession, you may already be in Unison.

The problem with bullying is that if you formally bring this issue up. The bullies can make your life hell. Moving jobs is the safest thing to do especially so early in your career. Sadly, this is the true NHS in places. I've had to deal with this a few times in my 30 years in the NHS.

This is why you always join a union when you start a role. Join but they may not help you, some have a 4 week period, others a 6 or 8 where any existing conditions are not covered. There can be some discretion but you won’t umher ‘formal’ support and you definitely won’t get legal help if it is needed. Join and see what they can do or how they can help. Even an informal discussion or them supporting in the background is worth the money.

do get relevant policies - code of conduct, grievance, bullying and harassment and read them. Write down ever incident and explain how it made you feel. Also write down who you have discussed it with and when. If managers are aware, what are they doing about it? If nothing then they are complicit.

potentially prepare a grievance against them, but be aware that it is an awful process for all involved and there are always unintended consequences.

I think you should go to your union immediately with this because they can provide you with some proper support with no obligation to take things further if you choose not to. This sounds horrendous and I’m very sorry it’s happening to you.

Oh you poor thing. Healthcare is rife with these types of people and push so many out of their roles. Keep a diary and speak to HR .

I was bullied at work for a number of years by my manager at the time. She gaslighted me into believing I was terrible at my job and the fault was all mine.

By this point I’d been at the company about 20 years and in a job I’d been doing for 15 years and no other manager had anything but praise for me previously. I was so confused. This manager was very clever - what she said to me in private wasn’t reflected in the same way in writing.

I can’t tell you how badly this affected my health and still does in the sense that I’m just not the same person. It’s a long story but it affected every part of my life. I did speak to the union and they did consider it workplace bullying, but my confidence was in pieces and I was gaslighted to the max - I was too afraid to make an official grievance for fear of it making things worse.

Anyhow, I had the opportunity to move teams and later, departments which removed me from the problem but three years on now that I’m in a better place, I regret not being strong enough to take it further formally and standing up to her.

It turns out that she was also doing it to others and they were also too afraid to speak up. But later, people actually did start to speak up, and I had my time to explain to senior management what I’d experienced.

Anyhow, some things I learnt; write everything down - I have a file and inch thick which I still have … be brave and report it - I wish I had x