If you have ADHD, does this resonate with you?

[DaisyDooordont]

Yesterday DH was getting the table set for dinner and had a bit of a moan at me about a pile of picture frames I’ve had on the chairs/table for a few weeks. He’s basically just sick of seeing them just sitting there and having to move them around to use the table – fair point.

We’ve recently moved and I explained to him that I really wanted to get the pictures/frames up on the walls, but the idea of it was somehow a bit overwhelming. Like trying to decide what I want to go where, which pictures to use, which way to hang them. I use command strips so it’s not an issue of worrying about putting holes in the walls. More just the whole idea of how I actually want something to be is too much for my brain to cope with. I will do it at some point, I just don’t know when the moment will strike when I feel like that’s the job for me.

I’ve been told by a councillor/therapist that she thinks there’s a possibility I could have ADHD but that she was not qualified to assess/diagnose and this had played on my mind since.

I know one isolated thing like this is far from enough to just label myself like that, it’s just the first time I’ve been able to explain a situation like that in the moment to someone and why it feels like it’s too much to complete something really quite simple, so I was curios if this is something that people who have diagnosed ADHD would resonate with?

Isn't this just indecision??

Describes me in a nutshell, but also describes 50% of my female friends!!

Why does it automatically have to be labelled as ADHD? As humans we are allowed to have common traits like this without putting a label on it, surely?

absolutely what I've been trying to say but you'll get insulted as an ableist

@Thegreyestate I'll do a really quick reply, because I don't have time to go in depth and I covered most of your questions in my OP.

But to respond, I (as stated) am not looking to label myself.

I'm aware this is a one off incident, but there's a whole life time of context go with with that.

I have been told but a mental health professional who has worked with me for about 6 years they believe I may have ADHD. I've not just decided that's that based on a Tik Tok reel. I'm also not actually saying I do have ADHD, just that it's a possibility.

Finally, there's a difference between just being indecisive and an intense feeling of dread at the prospect of completing a simple task that would have a desirable outcome. I'm not here to explain that to you though.

IT ISN’T

There are 18 criteria which are assessed during ADHD diagnosis. One thing would not be sufficient to gain diagnosis - there needs to be evidence of sustained challenges in at least 6/9 criteria (two types of ADHD).

The studies are linked in the article so that you can read them.

You are the epitome of supercilious and conscending, actually. You think you’re right, that your opinion is more important than the lived experience of others and incapable of changing that view.

ADHD is not well researched. That doesn’t mean those of us with ADHD brains aren’t struggling to function in ways the NT have decided we should.

This is me. No idea if I have ADHD.

I am the same OP and I am diagnosed with ADHD.

To those who think it's easy to get diagnosis or that "everyone wants a label", please shut up with your ableism. As others have said there are several criteria and you have to demonstrate that you have struggled with these things your entire life since childhood.

As anyone who has been through the assessment process will tell you, it's not straightforward at all and is actually quite traumatic having to rake over your mental health throughout your entire life. The waiting list for an assessment is years, and the waitlist for medication is a year or so after diagnosis.

Now I have been diagnosed and understand the reasons why I find some things more difficult than other people do, it has helped me not to be so hard on myself and ensure that I try and conduct my life in a way that works with my brain rather than against it. Observations like the OP has had, are often the start of putting together the puzzle pieces, and are incredibly important.

It’s really not, no. I would say I’m a pretty decisive person, as is my diagnosed (and medicated, which has been life-changing for him) DS.

Task paralysis, extreme procrastination, displacement activities and avoidance are not just ‘indecision’. It can feel crippling - you hate yourself for it, you end up in cycles of self-loathing, beating yourself up for being so useless. And then you get up the next day with a plan to change all that - but suddenly find you’ve wasted hours doing something completely unnecessary rather than prioritising the things you know you need to do. You’re an intelligent person with enough self awareness to see exactly what you’re doing (constantly self-sabotaging) but a horrible hardwired inability to stop.

I have a friend who’s indecisive, hedges the whole time, is unable to commit to anything in the moment, whether a date in the diary or a minor purchase. But it doesn’t blight her life. How I feel is nothing like that.

To all of those who are going “hurr durr why does everyone think normal things mean they have adhd?!” The OP CLEARLY SAID that it had already been suggested she might have ADHD. She didn’t say “omg I am so indecisive! I must have ADHD!” You’re projecting - you think that too many people are self diagnosing and are pushing that onto the OP.

What do you do differently now that helps? Really interesting.

Yep. It helps if you can get your partner to coach you if he is up for it. I can either start tasks and struggle to finish or sometimes I simply cannot start them at all but if someone else started them I could swoop in and get in board. So me and my partner work together now and do half a task each 😆. Wierd but it seems to work for us. Like I will say I’ll do the decorating but I can’t face cleaning up after. So he will agree to do that bit.

Just one example, but I work for myself and I know that I am useless at starting work first thing. Previously I would have logged on at 9am, farted around for three hours, started work at lunch, then felt stressed and behind and like I was stupid and lazy.

Now I just don't start work until lunchtime. My mornings are my own, I go to the gym or do my chores or see friends for a coffee, then when I sit down to work I feel productive and ready to go.

Of course I am lucky in that I can be flexible with my hours, but that is part of the reason I started working for myself- because I've suspected for a long time that 9-5 doesnt work for me.

It's just about working with your brain and your rhytms, rather than against it, basically. The entire world and societal structure we live in is mostly set up for NT brains, so it's important to make adjustments for yourself where you can.

@Carouselfish " Or did you do your entire dissertation in a single month of absolutely blazing it?"

😂Yep - but it was actually over four days right up to deadline with an all nighter the day before it was due to get the references done!

I've just got my diagnosis - when I became aware that it might be a possibility and I started looking into it, it was amazing how much made sense all of a sudden - and now I'm medicated it's been a bloody revelation - not just the increased focus but the fact that my mind is quiet for the first time ever!

I now know why all the usual productivity hints and tricks have never worked for me and I'm starting to find tips for ADHD brains which are actually proving useful!

@DaisyDooordont - Check out some of the posts on Alex Patridge's Facebook page and his ADHD Chatter podcast. It was some of this stuff coming up on my social media that gave the Oh! moment leading to me getting my assessment (even the algorithms thought I should get assessed 😁)

These two in particular made me think yep - that's me!:

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/18sygokJ24/

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1Aj5T3eRVW/

I then completed the screening tool (same one as used the by the NHS) which basically came out with a flashing red light in suggesting assessment: adhduk.co.uk/adult-adhd-screening-survey/

Even if you don't think you have ADHD or do, but don't want a formal diagnosis, it's worth looking at some of the ADHD specific recommendations for getting stuff done!

Ah, I thought that was just me.

That Spitting Image single is a very tenacious earworm!

I think I need to start doing something similar - I'll start work in the mornings and get some stuff done but am easily distracted, but find my focus really kicks in after lunch and I end up working until 8 or 9pm and get much more done in the evenings - but end up working 12-14 hour days!

The blindness to mess is not an ADHD thing but a normal human phenomenon. When entering a room, the brain focuses on what is different, not what is always there. So if the pile has become part of the furniture, you will stop noticing it. However, if you walked into a stranger's house, your eyes would spot the pile immediately. Similarly, if you are always strictly tidy.

Can I suggest drawing out a few ideas of the layouts you like before committing them to the wall. Set aside a day once you've picked the layout you like best and get DH to help measure them out on the wall with a pencil to mark positions. If you break down each stage like this, it won't feel so overwhelming.