If you have ADHD, does this resonate with you?

[DaisyDooordont]

Yesterday DH was getting the table set for dinner and had a bit of a moan at me about a pile of picture frames I’ve had on the chairs/table for a few weeks. He’s basically just sick of seeing them just sitting there and having to move them around to use the table – fair point.

We’ve recently moved and I explained to him that I really wanted to get the pictures/frames up on the walls, but the idea of it was somehow a bit overwhelming. Like trying to decide what I want to go where, which pictures to use, which way to hang them. I use command strips so it’s not an issue of worrying about putting holes in the walls. More just the whole idea of how I actually want something to be is too much for my brain to cope with. I will do it at some point, I just don’t know when the moment will strike when I feel like that’s the job for me.

I’ve been told by a councillor/therapist that she thinks there’s a possibility I could have ADHD but that she was not qualified to assess/diagnose and this had played on my mind since.

I know one isolated thing like this is far from enough to just label myself like that, it’s just the first time I’ve been able to explain a situation like that in the moment to someone and why it feels like it’s too much to complete something really quite simple, so I was curios if this is something that people who have diagnosed ADHD would resonate with?

I have pictures from a roadtrip that were taken 17 years ago and printed and framed 15 years ago that still aren’t on the walls.

My ADHD means I can do anything, but I often won’t at home. I have to organise myself to organise myself at work which means I just don’t have capacity for it at home.

And yes to the “can’t see it, doesn’t exist” thing.

You know that ADHD brains are physically different, right?

That label means that instead of hammering ourselves into the ground and having much higher instances of mental health conditions, autoimmune conditions and generally just not being as well, we can treat ourselves with a bit more acceptance and understanding that we aren’t bad people?

Fuck off with your ableism.

well some are. some aren't.

You know that ADHD brains are physically different, right?

lol. no they're not.
Everything is "suggests" or " indicates" eg. studies "suggest" brain volume may be smaller etc.

Are people wirth ADHD also more prone to swearing and being incredibly rude?

Brain scans will show if someone has ADHD.

Yes, when there is yet another dogooder deciding they know better, they do.

Yes i do this kind of thing. I have several things I started to do, not finished and stuff in different places just waiting for the day I get around to sorting it.

brain scans do not show if someone has adhd

Same here. I struggle a lot with overwhelm but I don’t have ADHD. Picture frames are still lined up from moving house a year ago and I keep procrastinating over it.

sorry, I dont understand the dogooder comment

we all do this, well the vast majority of us.
It doesnt mean it needs a label

The only one being rude is you. OP didn’t ask people if they believe ADHD is real, probably because it’s been proven it is so she doesn’t need to. If you don’t believe that there are differences how do you explain what happens to people who have ADHD and take medication for it? How can it affect people without ADHD so differently if there’s no physical differences within the brain?

Same! I know adhd in adult women is becoming a bit of a joke, i saw a comedian describe it as a pyramid scheme; one woman gets diagnosed and then tells 7 of her friends they have it! I don’t have a diagnosis but 100% relate to everything i read about it. I wonder how much is down to modern life and how we’re just not naturally cut out to live like this. But either way, id a diagnosis and/or medication can help then its worth looking into.

It could be adhd. With the condition there is a crippling side effect where you want to do something but your brain simply doesn’t let you. It’s physically painful because you want to do it, other people want you to do it. But you just can’t. Then come the judgements, the frustrations and hints that you are stupid or lazy or defiant.

brain still says no.

then one day it says yes and the task that had been put off for ages gets done to an impossibly high standard in minutes.

but everyone is still mad at you because you could have done it ages ago right

Yes, adhd here and very me. Do you also destroy hotel rooms simply by existing in them for half an hour? Or find yourself unable to actually listen to directions you've just asked for and really need to know? Or did you do your entire dissertation in a single month of absolutely blazing it? Are you really good at your job when it's new and you're focused on the challenge but then make stupid errors after about 3 months? Do you lose at least one essential item per day - keys, glasses, phone? Do you say I mustn't forget x sixteen times to yourself and then ten minutes later forget x.
All things I've found I've had in common with people.

really?
you really don't know how medication works if there's no physical difference in the brain?
Wow, I suggest you have a little read on brain chemistry etc, as that is quite embarassing for you!

I’m in hotels every other week for work. Takes me about 39 seconds.

my nan used to say I only had to walk into a room and it would look as though a bomb had gone off.

oh, and I didn'tsay ADHD didn't exist: I said why are people so eager to label normal behaviour as ADHD.
half the people on this site appear to have it!

Another symptom is over analysing everything and obsessing over it. You might be in the "everything is a symptom ADHD" phase as its been suggested. Which is ironic really.

You think you know better than the people with ADHD brains.

You see it as an affectation that we choose to allow to affect us.

It’s a structural issue with the brain’s connectivity and function. Some areas of the brain develop differently in terms of size scans will show the connections between them are different as well.

You live in a world that is designed for you (as I assume you are NT). We don’t. There is a daily impact of that. Just like if a wheelchair user found themselves somewhere with no ramps.

that's not what dogooder means.
There is no proven physical difference between ADHD and NT brains

Whereas I have a formal diagnosis of ADHD and I’m the opposite. My hotel room looks like it’s been cleaned by a serial killer. Apparently NT friends when sharing rooms with me feel under pressure to meet my standards. It’s usually their ‘half’ of the room that looks like a bomb has gone off but mine is like a showroom. 🤦‍♀️😂

I want to reply to lots of these posts but short on time.

@Carouselfish and @ohyesido as yours were the last I read and they've both really struck me. So much of this is familar in my life.

At work in particular, I will put off even a seemingly straight forward task until it's worked up so much in my head that it feels impossible and I fear I've left it too late. This is where my wonderufl DH comes in and brings me back down to earth. Then I will tackle task and wish I'd just done it the second I was given it. Then I'll repeat the same scenario over and over again.

Taking instructions from my PT is another that springs to mind. He'll tell the group (only a few people, not overflowing) a basic set of instructions such as "add 10kg to your bar. Do 3 sets of 15 reps". Even if I make myself listen intently to that instruction, I will still have to check 2 or 3 times. Honestly it drives me mad, partly because I don't want people to think I'm rude and just not paying attention.

Yep, 100%.

Had a hallway piled high with stuff for the charity shop for about 6 weeks now because I can’t quite take the final step of actually putting in the car, and when DH says ‘right, let’s take a few bags now’, I feel bizarrely panicky and find a reason to defer it.

I circle round the house leaving trails of half finished jobs - I’ll start a bit if DIY and get about a third of the way through, then get distracted by something I suddenly need to deep clean, and halfway through that I’ll get an idea about a thing I wanted to do in the garden, which I’ll go and start, but I’ll have run out of time to finish it. So then all of those jobs, with the attendant tools and mess, will stay exactly where I left them for however long it takes me to get back to them. Sometimes months. Sometimes never. I’ll just step over it all until there’s suddenly a pressing reason that it needs to get finished.

Drives DH demented, and I don’t blame him. I’m not formally diagnosed, but DS has very severe ADHD and I increasingly feel that it’s probably come from me, as I have so many traits of it that I’m only beginning to recognise later in life.

How about supercilious and condescending then @Mightymoog ?

Multiple studies cited here.

https://www.additudemag.com/current-research-on-adhd-breakdown-of-the-adhd-brain/amp/

"several studies have pointed to"

"ADHD appears to be partially attributed to a difference in how the brain is structured"

I'm not reading further as it's obviously an opinion piece as opposed to data taken from a proper paper.

I was not being supercillious or condescending either; you really need to learn which insults are appropriate to any given situation