Thread 17 - TalkLair: "Okay, first of all, what's with the outfit? Live in the now, okay? You look like DeBarge."

[RasaSayangEh]

(Previous thread 16).

Spring is springing, daffodils blooming all over our LairGarden, which have not all been picked by a neighbour's kid...

In the TalkLair, the hearth is glowing, books by non-approved authors line the shelves, cosy rugs are down on the floors looking a bit stained by cat hairball regurgitation. The denizens of the lair are a welcoming bunch though, always eager for general chit-chat on all manner of topics. We just won’t mention the gnawed bones of our prey over there in the corner of the cave…

Well that was amazing and beautiful, and not everything has to be explainable or dismissed as woo. Sometimes it can just be what it is for you.

That was beautiful @FagsMagsandBags ❤️

That sounds like an amazing experience @FagsMagsandBags

@FagsMagsandBags I've got something in my eye! And now I’m tempted to do it myself. I agree with @Britinme, not everything has to be explainable.

I think I mentioned the other week that I was going to a forest on my dad’s birthday. The forest is in heathland which I’m always drawn to as it reminds me of the north York moors near to where I grew up, and where I spent a lot of time with him. I love how parts can feel like an alien planet.

When I got there it was totally deserted, which I wasn’t expecting and actually made me feel a bit uneasy, being in the middle of nowhere. As I was walking along the sandy path towards the forested areas, the wind started blowing in such a way on such a surface that it kept whipping up swirls and small dust devils just ahead of me. It was a spectacular sight (and sound), and I had it all to myself. I find it very difficult to believe in any kind of afterlife or presence, but in that moment it really felt like he was there with me, guiding me. And that in itself is priceless.

pic attached - didn’t manage to get any of the swirling!

Wow, @FagsMagsandBags that sounds so strange and wonderful, a strange and wonderful gift. How absolutely amazing that you had that

What an amazing experience! I'm not sure it needs any more explanation than that (though if it were me, I'd be considering all sorts).

That’s a beautiful picture @VictorianBigot

Thanks everyone. I don't really need an explanation and when I talk about woo, it's a little bit defensive, I agree. It was just such an out there experience and afterwards I found the photos of me interesting. The difference between me before the mad gallop and afterwards is huge. But I do just accept it for whatever it was and know that it was something extremely special and I am very thankful for that.

My parents have been in our hometown this week for a belated qingming (tomb sweeping). Now that my grandmother has lost all her marbles and can barely walk, it's down to mum and her siblings to do the duty. It's quite a lot of effort: my paternal grandparents' grave is in the north of the island, as is my maternal grandfather's; my grandmother's parents grave is in the south of the island; my grandfather's parents graves at the "back" of the island.

Mum took dad along to do the rituals at his parents' and my grandad's graves, but decided he would struggle to do any more. He's so unstable on his feet now and Chinese graveyards are on hilly, uneven terrain with hardly any defined paths. And it's bloody hot. So, she parked him in the hotel room with instructions to just watch TV* when she and my uncles went to do the other ancestors.

So what did dad do? He decided that he wanted to "go back to hometown" and packed the suitcase and set off from the hotel on slow wobbly foot. My brother tracks dad's location using an Airtag, so raised the alarm to mum. She had to hotfoot back to town in a Grab taxi, whilst brother Whatsapped us regular updates: "He's now on X street... now at Y market... corner of P & Q road" - I commented "It's like a really slow spy caper" but mum was not amused.

Eventually mum caught up with dad, he'd obviously run out of energy and sat down on a bench. She sent us an inadvertently artistic photo-and-title.

*God knows what she was thinking, leaving a giant toddler unattended in a strange hotel room.

And then when they got back to the hotel room and mum unpacked the suitcase, we got this message from her:
"I thought the bag was rather heavy... in addition to our stuff, hotel items were 2 towels, hairdryer, 2 mugs, plastic tray that mugs sat on, a little plastic container that held the coffee/tea, TV remote, TV decoder, 1 curtain tie-back, tissue box and the hotel kettle including base."

The sky colour, framing, and particularly the 'no waiting' sign make that a fabulous photo. Sounds a rather gruelling adventure, though.

Your horse experience sounds amazing, FMB. Thank you for the account of the happenings, and the wonderful pics.

Three-post ment:

Back when grandma used to do qingming, she would do everything elaborately and with maximum fuss. That meant cooking the all special dishes, roasting a whole pork belly, boiling a whole chicken. Plus fruits, tea, rice wine, all special prayer crockery and implements, joss sticks, candles, hell money. Then the family would carry all this stuff on foot up to the grave on said uneven hilly ground, do the rituals and prayers, carry it all back down again.

One year when I was 14, I was given the job of carrying the chicken back after the ritual. Chinese-style cooked chickens have the head on, and although the chicken was in a plastic bag, I sort of casually held it by the head as I sauntered heavy-footed down the hill, arms swinging... Then the body of the chicken detached itself from the head and with the momentum of my swinging arm and gravity, rolled and bounced dramatically down between graves and altars. While we all shrieked and scrambled madly in pursuit. I was in so much trouble with the elders

Out of grandma's earshot, the younger members of the family called qingming "chicken rolling" thereafter.

Great stories! And pic! As Bint says, the sky has come out lovely.

Sorry to have laughed, Kuc!

Some wonderful posts, despite the sad circumstances. Thank you both

That’s a great picture, @RasaSayangEh but it must have been a trying experience for your mum. Impressed by your dad’s eccentric packing though. Wonder what plans he had for the curtain tie back.

And I admit to laughing at the chicken rolling story.

Great picture and stories, Rasa. Thank goodness he had the air tag or he might have ended up anywhere.

Yes thank goodness for AirTags! We have one on his set of keys, one in his wallet and one on his belt (all things he generally still carries out of habit - sometimes he forgets to put on a shirt, but rarely forgets those 3 things. In fact on this trip, he'd left his set of keys back home by accident but fortunately he had the other two.

The wallet, incidentally, no longer contains proper money because he just loses it. But somehow he finds little stashes of random coins in his collection of hoarded cardboard boxes and puts them in his wallet. The cafe proprietor on the ground floor of their apartment block has learned to serve him whatever drink he orders, accept e.g. Burmese pyas as payment, and then WhatsApp mum with the actual bill.

Air tags definitely have their uses.

Nice café proprietor. They always says it's raising children that 'takes a village' but it obviously works at the other end of life as well.

I'm torn between amusement and pity here - obviously what he did is funny considered in isolation, but equally obviously it's sad to see your father in that confused state. Sounds as if the family is doing a wonderful job of allowing him to have as full and comfortable a life as possible, but it must be very hard on your mother, @RasaSayangEh . Great chicken-rolling story though.

Thank you for sharing the photo @RasaSayangEh It's so poignant and beautiful and I'm laughing at the slow chase but it's not funny at all. I'm laughing at his "luggage" but again ... But! I am happily laughing at Quingming, which sounds like such a labour of love, becoming Chicken Rolling. I can very much imagine your panic. That moment when it's going wrong and there's nothing you can do to undo it and you know you're in trouble. Oh that moment is so full of dread but at least you created a family tradition and frankly it's a name rather than actual annual chicken rolling!

Thanks all, don't feel bad about laughing, DBro and I thought it was pretty funny - even mum saw the funny side once she'd caught him and especially when she saw that he'd cleared out the hotel room - said "I should have got him to take the TV!"

Oh, quick edit: Just went into the living room where Mochi is curled up on her bean bag (was DC's bean bag but now is covered in cat hair). Next to her, on the carpet, was one mouse foot and one tail. Remarkably tidy, though. No gore.

I hope you don’t mind this @RasaSayangEhbut I had a prompt for my write a poem a day challenge for National Poetry Month to write a poem based on a picture and I used that poignant photo of your dad. It’s at a very rough draft stage at the moment but it won’t be shared anywhere public and I won’t share the photo.