Healthy BMI but all I see is a fat person

[WhenSunnyGetsBlue]

I am heavier than I have ever been after having DD. I have a healthy BMI (61kg and 165cm). I have a waist height ratio of 0.41.

Despite this all I see is a fat person in the mirror. One of my breasts literally comes down past my belly button without a bra (the joy of breastfeeding!). My arms and back and thighs just see podgy. I eat healthily (a bit too much, nothing crazy) and exercise regularly. I walk 20k steps a day.

I don't know whether I have a distorted view of myself or whether I am actually fat. I don't trust BMI at all.

Summer is coming and I can't leave the house with just a t-shirt on because I'm too self conscious! 😂

Please be honest.
Yabu - you're not fat, chill
Yanbu - you should lose weight

You just need to tone up

Im 60kg, 158 cm, healthy BMI, and all I see is a Buddha

No arse, skinny arms and legs - and what I see as pure blubber in front of me. I don't need to loose weight, I need to get my skinny arse into a gym or a commitment to a home work out - and I just don't have the time, energy or inclination

But you might have

You aren't fat

You just need to build muscle

Lift weights. Eat adequate protein. Get your steps in.

I can't say whether you're fat or not without seeing you but if you're a healthy bmi it's doubtful. I'm currently a few pounds away from a healthy bmi (I'm on WLI's and have lost 2 stone so far) and still feel fat. Dh and family can't believe I'm classed as overweight and keep telling me I've lost enough! But all I see in the mirror is lumpy wobbly flesh and cellulite.

I've had cellulite etc since my twenties - the thing I'm always most envious of in other women is smooth, even skin with a nice skin tone. I think when you run to that really Celtic kind of skin, red and mottled with bumpy bits and loads of cellulite it's hard to look good naked. I've always worn a sarong on the beach even when younger and slimmer.

Its silly though bc I know literally no one cares - I couldn't give two hoots what other women on the beach look like and even very big women id think "good for her" and admire their confidence - so why do we pull ourselves to pieces?

Bc we are forced to compare ourselves to the impossible beauty standard we see every day in the media that is held up as the ideal. No wonder we find ourselves lacking!

Just focus on the fact you are healthy and that your body has performed an amazing function - giving birth and breastfeeding - literally giving life to another. I've done it 4 times so no wonder my body looks a bit knackered!

I agree with PPs - you need to tine up and build muscle.

Work on your abs: Bowflex 3-minute plank every day, plus Caroline Girvan's Braced Core and Abs.

Weights: start with 3-4 kg dumbbells and try Caroline Girvan's workouts. EPIC Heat and EPIC 3 are good to start with. Go at your own pace but try to push yourself.

Plus Growingannanas for HIIT/Cardio.

All free on YouTube. 30-40 minutes 4-6 times a week. I listen to the radio while I do my workouts.

Jeez OP I've just worked out you're 5"4" and about 9 st 6? No way are you fat - you must be pretty petite in fact.(i only work it feet and stone 😂)

I'm 5"7" and could never even dream of being 9.6 - I'd look awful for a start.

I think you can be a healthy weight but flabby. My BMI is about 22 but I definitely have a muffin top and a very big bum. My problem is I'm not at all muscular. Someone else but be the same weight and height as me but look very slim if they have more muscle.

I don’t think you need to lose weight, I agree with others, it’s all about toning. I’m 54.4kg and 162cm, which is healthy BMI, but I’ve got flabby belly and arms. I don’t feel I look good, and see a lot of fat. Some of my family members have actually said they think I’m a little crazy for thinking that, but I know I’ll be happy once I’m a little more toned. I do a variety of Sydney Cummings workouts and sometimes follow Chloe Ting programmes. It’s taking time because I know I don’t eat nearly enough protein (and I blame the slow progress on pcos).

It sounds like you'd benefit from some strength work and gaining muscle. If nothing else, it's great for your long term health anyway.

Thanks for the messages. I think it's because I have a relatively small waist and am storing all my fat in boobs and arms so no matter what I wear I seem to instantly gain two stone 🤦 everyone is right about the toning up bit. Its really hard to stay consistent as a single mum with a toddler but I need to stop making excuses.

Well now you have been told :) perhaps that's going to be motivation enough for you to do a at home work out?

I know myself IF and WHEN I can be bothered/have time, I can make a visible difference in two weeks and I know I need to start clearing the decks to find those 20 mins a day

I think it’s called skinny fat? Get building muscle OP, I’ve never looked back.. suddenly my loose skin which I thought would always be loose, was defined and filled with muscle.

Everyone said that to me so I started a progressive weightlifting programme...

5 years later I look no different. Training for a half marathon whilst lifting heavy, also nothing. I lost weight but I didn't lose the jiggle. Then the running had a negative impact on the gym and I'm only just getting back to how I was whilst trying to train for another half and dealing with injuries.

I often wonder what the point is as I stand in the gym at 7am or go for a run in the pouring rain or make the right food choice. Heart rate still too high, still "skinny fat", don't feel any healthier.

Sorry to hear that, do you have a healthy diet and lifting weights progressively heavier?

For the most part but the various breaks due to injury/life have set me back.

Diet isn't 100%, I refuse to give up nice things like wine, chocolate, cake and definitely not carbs but I try to have some form of fruit or vegetable with every meal. I have times where I just hit self destruct mode and eat too much and don't make an effort with good foods but I can't be perfect 365 days of the year.

Weights always get increased bit by bit every session if I have completed the previous session but I don't have time to do more than 3 a week if I also want to keep my running miles up and have one full rest day a week.

It depends what you want most - wine, cakes and chocolates or a non-flabby body. Neither is right or wrong. Life's short and if you choose the pleasure of good food and wine, then good for you!
What I'll say is - these treats do make a big difference to your body. I've given up biscuits, chocolate and cake for Lent so it's only been a couple of weeks. I thought it would make no difference whatsoever as I didn't believe I ate many of these things. I don't even have a sweet tooth! It's just that when I'm in the office there's always a packet of biscuits and a box of chocolates open. I'd take maybe a couple of biscuits and a couple of chocolates each day (occasionally cake too). I walk 15,000 steps a day so I thought I was burning this all off.
I'm amazed that in just two weeks my clothes are much looser! I'm not dieting. I'm eating normally. I eat large, calorific meals because I like to feel full. Simply by cutting out the treats and the snacks, I've lost quite a few pounds! I'm 50 and have never been blessed with a fast metabolism so it's amazing to see what a difference having treats makes.
After Lent I'm not going to deny myself cakes and chocolates but I'm going to keep them as treat. Instead of having them every single day out of boredom, I'll have them now and then and really appreciate them.

I can definitely relate to @Pickingmyselfup. Even when I was peak fitness, 50kg ex military in my 20s doing 100 press ups in a row as part of my warmup you still couldn't see a single muscle on my body.

I don't eat junk food, never ordered a takeaway, do t drink alcohol or eat chocolate. I eat clean and healthy, same as I've always done (a bit more than normal as breastfeeding honestly makes me hungry ever 2 hours 🤦).

My legs look fine I just store so much fat on my upper body. It probably wouldn't look bad if it was more evenly distributed .

@WhenSunnyGetsBlue , you probably don't look half as bad as you see yourself

It's like I see my buddha belly, and when I shop I automatically default to 14, yet I end up wearing a size 8 - comfortably. Yes my belly is big - compared to the rest of me, but I keep forgetting the rest of me is tiny

I just now accept I have a belly - Im talking below boobs to belly button - accept my bikini days are long gone and dress to my size rather then trying to disguise it by buying loose baggy tops ( cos I look lost in baggy clothes )

I feel the same but the opposite way round. My hips, legs and bum are a lot bigger than my top half so it makes me look bigger overall.

I'm not willing to live to have the perfect body, it means giving too much up and having a family and a job I can't dedicate my life to exercise, some days I have to skip a workout because of xyz. I don't like it and I'll continue to moan but I guess it's partly a choice I'm making and partly tough shit, I can't neglect my family.

I can relate. I think the people Im most jealous of arent the thinnest or fittest...its the ones who are perfectly happy with their imperfect but healthy bodies.
Lets face it, none of us 'real people' have the perfect body.

Im similar size to the OP which is a healthy BMI. I exercise 5 days a week and am toned. However as Ive also lost over 100Ibs I have major flabby bits and losing weight wont really change that, only surgery would help.
It means I have an apron belly that I cant diet or exercise away and leaves me wondering if I will ever think Im fit enough. Back at the start I looked at size 8/10 clothes and thought they were child sized, now I get into them and feel like they must have somehow increased in size!

Those of you who say you are toned...does that mean you have no jiggly bits at all?

Your weight is obviously in the healthy range (with particular reference to your healthy height waist ratio), so you shouldn't have additional health risks or be putting too much strain on joints and organs etc. So health-wise all good.

Cosmetically, it really depends. Healthy BMI is a big range because people have different frames. Someone with a small frame is likely to look and feel the best at eg BMI 19-23. Someone with a bigger frame is more likely to find BMI 21-25 is ideal. As you mentioned, it also depends whether you store fat evenly spread or if it's concentrated in certain areas.

You don't need to lose weight for health reasons. But if you want to lose weight for cosmetic reasons you can if you want to. It literally is up to you whether you prefer more or less body fat, and nobody here can choose for you!

Good God, Mumsnet really is on form today. OP clearly has signs of BDD (thinking they are fat when they clinically are not) and posters rush straight to dishing out exercise advice to 'tighten the flab'.

This place really has gone to the dogs.

If anyone agrees with this please report the posters who think they're being 'helpful' to OP.

I think a lot of people in this thread need to visit the BEAT website and do some deep thinking.

It sounds like diet is the problem here then.

You can't outrun a bad diet as they say!

Im with you though, I'd rather be a bit flabby and eat some cake - I'm not after a perfect body.

You need to find the right clothes. Find something in which you feel fabulous and you will lose two stone instantly.

I am 5'6 and 60kg, BMI 21, so I'm reasonable. But I have short legs and big boobs, I've had five kids and I'm post menopausal, so I'm wobbly. I run, I spin, I do Pilates and I've had to accept that this is as good as it gets. I feel like a blob.

But if I put on my one tried-and-trusted outfit which makes me look as though I have legs and gives me a waistline (I actually have a small waist but because of the boobs it's hard to find something that shows my waist without making me look like I'm 90% tits) I can rationalise that I'm actually a perfectly normal weight and size.

You just have to find That Outfit.

you need to check your body fat percentage. It’s completely possible to be a healthy bmi but with high body fat, you’re going to look fat as opposed to slim. The more muscle mass you have, the more lean you look. There’s more to it than just the number on the scale. This photo shows a body at the same height & weight, but with high body fat vs low body fat.