Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

50th birthday

31 replies

Tdp123 · 15/03/2025 09:20

How would you feel if your DH went away on holiday for a week with your children over your 50th birthday, leaving you home alone (couldn't get the time off work)?

OP posts:
Mumof1andacat · 15/03/2025 09:22

So was this a holiday for your 50th?

Original poster
Tdp123 · 15/03/2025 09:25

Mumof1andacat · 15/03/2025 09:22

So was this a holiday for your 50th?

No, just a holiday.

OP posts:
autumnboys · 15/03/2025 09:26

My 50th is coming up. I would be incredibly disappointed to be left alone for it. Have you got a plan b with friends?

ramonaqueenbee · 15/03/2025 09:27

Well, I may be weird, and I suppose it depends on lots of things but my dh did this for my 49th and I went out with friends. It was so much fun I thought about asking him to do it again the following year. That said, he didn't and so I had the opposite - a really lovely family day. But either would have worked for me.

ramonaqueenbee · 15/03/2025 09:28

And it didn't feel like a plan b at all - they were very special friends and a wonderful time

Original poster
Tdp123 · 15/03/2025 09:29

autumnboys · 15/03/2025 09:26

My 50th is coming up. I would be incredibly disappointed to be left alone for it. Have you got a plan b with friends?

I'll sort something out but it's quite short notice.

OP posts:
Sunnydays25 · 15/03/2025 09:34

I like to have a special breakfast/lunch with my kids on my birthday, at home when they were little, we go out now. If I'm seeing friends, and my birthday is at the weekend, I'd see them in the evening.

How old are your kids? And how did a holiday come up at short notice?

I think it's really shitty of him.

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/03/2025 09:35

Why would he do such a pointedly nasty thing to you?

No it’s not ok.

Original poster
Tdp123 · 15/03/2025 09:35

Sunnydays25 · 15/03/2025 09:34

I like to have a special breakfast/lunch with my kids on my birthday, at home when they were little, we go out now. If I'm seeing friends, and my birthday is at the weekend, I'd see them in the evening.

How old are your kids? And how did a holiday come up at short notice?

I think it's really shitty of him.

15 & 17.

OP posts:
Pineapplewaves · 15/03/2025 09:41

I’d be getting a divorce for my 50th birthday present. You don’t book a holiday until everyone has booked time off work. When you couldn’t get the time off work your DH should have looked at other dates that you would all be available. To leave you at home is just nasty.

Needmorelego · 15/03/2025 09:50

I'd like it 😁😏
My 50th is coming up and I'd quite like some peace and quiet.

PrimitivePerson · 15/03/2025 09:50

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest, but then the last time I got particularly invested in my birthday was when I was about 8. I don't do anything for them now (and my last one was my 50th).

starmoonsun · 15/03/2025 09:51

Personally it wouldn't bother me, but I'm not fussed about birthdays ( maybe because it falls in the middle of summer so is often overlooked anyway)
I'd see it as a treat having a week off the usual tasks of cooking dinner, washing etc, a week to indulge in some me time instead.
And my useless DP would actually have to look after and spend time with the kids for a change.

ChuffyChuffnell · 15/03/2025 09:53

It doesn’t matter how we feel about it. What matters is what you feel about it, and how you have communicated that to the rest of the family.

Sevenamcoffee · 15/03/2025 09:53

I’d be raging unless it was because I’d asked for it myself to get some peace. I honestly can’t imagine my 17 yo dd would have any truck with it either if she knew I wasn’t happy about it.

Sheknowsaboutme · 15/03/2025 10:46

Needmorelego · 15/03/2025 09:50

I'd like it 😁😏
My 50th is coming up and I'd quite like some peace and quiet.

Exactly! I did nothing in my 50th.
Bliss!

SallyWD · 15/03/2025 10:53

I'd honestly be fine either it as long as we could celebrate another time - like if he took me away for a weekend a few weeks later. I never mind celebrating on a different date as long as we mark the occasion and he makes a fuss of me. I do the same for him.

aliceinawonderland · 15/03/2025 10:58

I’m with @PrimitivePerson here!! Birthdays don’t fuss me at all!

My 50 th was during the week. I had the day off ( in any event) but everyone else was at school/work. I sat in the garden and then “marked the occasion “ with lunch out with friends!

stayathomer · 15/03/2025 10:58

Personally wouldn’t love it and would secretly hope it was a ‘gotcha’ but I can be very immature like that!

TryForSpring · 15/03/2025 11:48

Whatever other posters feel about their own birthdays, what your DH has done sounds very dismissive of you and pretty bleak. What you yourself do with your birthday without your family being there is a separate issue.

madaboutpurple · 15/03/2025 12:46

Is your DH planning to take you out when he returns.? He sounds very selfish. I would not plan anything for his next birthday.

Dutchhouse14 · 15/03/2025 12:58

I'd feel pretty upset OP, it's very dismissive of your birthday and your feelings, particularly for a big one.
I'm not one for big parties but I do like to spend my birthday with my loved ones and DH and DC would be top of the list, so I'd be pretty upset if they left me at home and went on holiday without me on my 50th. I would never do this to DH or DC.
When it was booked was the intention for you to go with them? If so why on earth did DH book it without checking you could get time off work? And once he found out you couldn't make the dates why didn't he reschedule it? Even if it meant losing a bit of money?
Or did he just book a holiday with DC over your birthday with no intention of you coming??
Mind boggles at the thought process ( or lack of!)
I'm so sorry I hope you can plan something special with friends and extended family on the day and do something nice when DH and DC get home.
Are you having another family holiday when you all can go?
Is your DH usually this thoughtless and selfish?

DappledThings · 15/03/2025 13:01

I'd love it. But DH would only do it because he knows I'd love it. He wouldn't do it for any other reason so if you don't like it it doesn't matter how anyone else would feel about it. If it's now what you'd like he's wrong for doing it.

Original poster
Tdp123 · 16/03/2025 10:55

Thanks for all your feedback. Consensus seems to be that it's not a big deal, and I shouldn't be too upset.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 16/03/2025 11:00

No, consensus is that for a lot of us it won't be a big deal but that if it is for you then it is. You are allowed your own feelings and to have those respected and expectations met.

Swipe left for the next trending thread