How do I convince DP to visit the dentist, now I'm backing out of our deal?

[GordyMatthewson]

I know, I know. He's an adult. He can do what he likes. I know.

But...

DP hasn't been to the dentist since 2019. His teeth are stained and need a good jet wash. It's grim.

After a lot of wrangling and excuses, I bargained with him that if I went to the doctor about my dodgy hand, he'd go to the dentist. Fine. All good.

But then I scaled down on the sport that was aggravating my hand so I don't need to see a doctor about it now. As such, DP has decided he won't be visiting the dentist.

How can I get DP to visit the dentist short of me booking a completely unnecessary doctors appointment?

The ridiculous thing is that DP is an absolute stickler for hygiene in so many ways. And he's quite appearance-conscious. So I just don't get why he won't visit the dentist.

Again, I do know he's an adult and can do whatever he likes.

If he doesn't smell and his teeth are simply stained, buy some whitening strips. Of course he should go to the dentist every year, but many people don't. Sort the discolouration at home

It's not an ideal solution, but offer to make both appointments. The make his before yours, then when he has been to his, cancel yours...

Hmm, I read only the other day about the rise in mouth cancers, could you try that angle? Obviously the dentist needs a baseline for his oral state if anything untoward happens in the future.

I kind of sympathise with his point that six monthly or yearly check ups could be just an excuse for some dentists to find work to do that might not be necessary in order to bring money in. It's something I have debated on before. It's the reason I don't generally go to the dentist until I am aware that I have a problem that needs fixing.

I do have the occasional check-up (yearly, not the six months that they usually suggest). I clean my teeth thoroughly twice a day using a water flosser and an electric toothbrush and that seems to do the trick.

If his teeth are stained brown then he very likely does need to see the hygienist and you will usually have a general check-up before that. I agree that stained teeth would be very unattractive and would consider telling him that.

Is he a smoker, or is the staining from something else, like strong tea or coffee?

Would he agree to go for a check-up at around the same time as you when you next go? If he even still has a dentist. That's maybe a better bargain to strike than a potentially unnecessary doctor's appointment.

There was an academic article published a while back which showed that regular dental visits aren't actually correlated with better oral health once you control for poverty and health inequalities. DP has clung to that as evidence for how unnecessary dentist appointments are 🙄

My argument back is that we have the money so why not go just in case. That's aside from the stained teeth of course.

His stains are from tea and rinsing after brushing. He doesn't smoke. He doesn't drink coffee.

He wouldn't agree to go at the same time as me because we can't leave the dog home alone so we'd have to tag team 😆

Refuse to kiss him or have sex with him until he gets his minging mouth jet washed. 😁

If he hasn’t been since 2019, he will no longer have a dentist. Depending on where you live, it will be tricky to find one. I lost my dentist when I didn’t go for 2 years during COVID and now the closest NHS dentist is 3 hours away.

If he hasn't been in six years, he won't have a dentist to go back to.

He'll need to pay to go private now - can he afford that? Are there even dentists in your area taking on new patients?

So ? He has a dirty mouth and you are his romantic partner. I’d stop letting him kiss you. And go to the GP anyway

Erm. Lie? Just tell him you've been to the doctor.

Honestly I’d LTB over this. Fucking grim.

So, rather than seek medical attention, you've scaled right back on a sport you presumably enjoyed?
I can kind of see his point. You won't look after yourself, he won't look after himself.

Waste a GP appointment just to force her stupid H to go to the dentist about his disgusting teeth?

How is it wasting a GP appointment? There's obviously something wrong with her hand as she had to give up her sport.

He doesn’t need to have a check up with a dentist. He needs an appointment with the hygienist. They don’t just jet wash the teeth, they scrape away the deposits (can’t remember what it’s called) that are stained. Well that’s how it is where I live.

Sorry to derail, but what's all this about not rinsing after brushing?? Is it a piece common knowledge that's somehow passed me by?! Never heard this. Also, while we're on it, what about brushing after drinking orange juice? Fact or fiction?

Oh, and OP, I'd probably just book the doc appointment in, it'll probably be a phone one anyway, so very little commitment. Might be good to get your hands checked too, just in case.

Don’t rinse after brushing as it washes the fluoride away and stops the point of toothpaste.

Never brush for at least 1 to 2 hours after drinking anything acid or being sick as you rub the acid into the enamel and hasten damage.

Finally OP your husband can book into a direct access hygienist without seeing a dentist first . Not every hygienist does this but he can phone up to check.

Make a yearly family check up like many people do.

Tell husband in advance of which morning, and bring the dog. One of you can walk the dog on lead while the other is having their checkup.
Book a clean with the practice hygienist for you both too.

I've heard the no rinsing after brushing in the last few months.

I was always taught to rinse after brushing and have done it all of my life. I remember even the dentist telling us to do so when I was a child (growing up in the seventies and early eighties).

I still rinse and have no intention of stopping now.

It’s been standard teaching “spit don’t rinse” for the last 15 to 20 years in the U.K.
Same as do not use mouthwash within two hours of toothpaste as they interact and it washes all the fluoride away.

Maybe it has. I'm still happy with the way I have always done things and have not the slightest intention of changing it.

I don't like the taste of toothpaste much, so will be rinsing it away.

I use mouthwash then brush (then put my invisiline back in) now. Makes sense to have the toothpaste on teeth as long as possible.

my partner hates the dentist so we go to a nice private one where he trusts the chap and I go along and have a coffee nearby.

but your chap actually sounds okay. He brushes twice a day, okay breath and no actual issues beyond sone tea staining? Hardly any end of the world.

Just tell him you've been to the doctor?

Try Oranurse toothpaste which is unflavoured and non foaming .