How do I convince DP to visit the dentist, now I'm backing out of our deal?

[GordyMatthewson]

I know, I know. He's an adult. He can do what he likes. I know.

But...

DP hasn't been to the dentist since 2019. His teeth are stained and need a good jet wash. It's grim.

After a lot of wrangling and excuses, I bargained with him that if I went to the doctor about my dodgy hand, he'd go to the dentist. Fine. All good.

But then I scaled down on the sport that was aggravating my hand so I don't need to see a doctor about it now. As such, DP has decided he won't be visiting the dentist.

How can I get DP to visit the dentist short of me booking a completely unnecessary doctors appointment?

The ridiculous thing is that DP is an absolute stickler for hygiene in so many ways. And he's quite appearance-conscious. So I just don't get why he won't visit the dentist.

Again, I do know he's an adult and can do whatever he likes.

He’s probably scared.could you offer to go with him? Research sedation and offer to pay for it?

Would another way to think about it be 'why not just book in, double check your assumptions about what's aggravating your hand, see if they've got any good suggestions for things to do in the future, and keep your half of the deal'?

Is he scared of the dentist perhaps? If I hadn't been for a long time I might be worried they were going to at best go on at me about dental hygiene, at worst tell me I'd ruined my teeth and they were past saving depending how anxious I was about it and what my past experiences with dentists had been...

LTB

Would he go if you booked yourself an appointment at the same time? Matching scale and polishes!

I should've said in my, OP, sorry - he's not scared of the dentist.

@Gliblet I get you completely but I was really after a referral from the doctor for a scan or an X-ray, which I now don't need. It's a pretty common injury/issue so I know what mitigations to take (and I do these).

Is he scared?

Tell him you find his teeth unattractive.

I wouldn't be attracted to a man who needed to be bribed/bargained with for bare minimum, normal adult functioning.
You said he's not scared, so he's happy to keep his teeth in poor condition, that's his choice, you get to decide if dating him serves you.

I have done this in a roundabout way. It didn't go down well 😬

If it's bothering you that much, go to the GP about your hand.

Instead of going to see a doctor maybe see a physiotherapist who can talk you through ways to avoid future aggravation of your injury. That way you have sought a professional opinion and advice but not gone via the doctor.

Has he got fresh breath? Can't imagine kissing /having sex with an unhygienic mouthed man ...

There's honestly no point to me seeing a doctor or physiotherapist now.

I don't have any symptoms now. The symptoms stopped not long after I scaled back on the sport which puts a lot of pressure on the hands.

I wanted to see the doctor for a scan/X-ray referral when my hand was troubling me (as advised by a doctor pal). But I don't need the referral now. And a doctor or physio can't tell me anything I don't already know.

He doesn't have stinky breath.

He brushes his teeth well, twice a day although he rinse which is a whole other thread

I'd stop kissing him then op, he can't force you to put up with poor oral hygiene his end and still expect for you to want to go near it.

He needs to grow up, he will give you the ick eventually and then it's over.

Rinsing immediately after brushing undoes the point of brushing.
He needs a reeducation at least.

Yep, yep, yep. I know this because I go to the fucking dentist regularly

I have tried "re-educating".
He always has an excuse - like if we're teeth brushing together and I say "You shouldn't rinse", he'll say "I know, I only did it this time because bla bla bla" Every fucking time of course.
Or he'll just point out that I'm not a dentist. See my above point about me going to the fucking dentist Also, I'm not a colorectal consultant but I know a fucking haemorrhoid when I see one.

Has he said why he won’t go? He must have some reason. Maybe ask him if he prefers his teeth brown.

it’s so weird that he went up until 2019 and then stopped. Did something bad happen at his last appointment?

Can you not so a telephone consultation with your GP and they can confirm you require no treatment and then technically you have seen about your hand

Exactly this. Why are you tiptoeing round his stupid behaviour?

I don’t usually advocate lying, but in this case tell him you’ve been to see the Dr who said”Well obviously scaling back the competitive arm wrestling (or whatever) has worked as you don’t need any treatment, but if it plays up get some conforming tape and strap it up” and therefore he needs to get his mardy arse and his scummy teeth to the dentist. Tell him he’s lucky to actually have a dentist.(and a wife that puts up with a toddler)

He's too busy and he's not convinced that yearly check-ups actually accomplish anything other than making dentists wealthy.

Apparently.

It was April 2019 when he last went. Nothing bad happened. He had his teeth jet washed and was really happy with the results. He was told to come back in a year. And we all know how April 2020 was 😬

Then it just sort of fell off the agenda. And, to be honest, it did for me too. I also didn't visit for about two years - I missed my 2020 appointment because of the pandemic. But I did go back.

I told my DH if he didn't go and get his teeth serviced I'd refuse to go out with him. No woman wants to be seen with a man with manky fangs.

Just a thought but has he checked he still has a dentist? Some of our local ones have off-rolled people who haven't attended annual or regular checkups and they've only found out when they've tried to make an appointment.

This is an excellent point - this is what happened to me when I missed my 2020 appointment, I had to re-register as a new patient when I went back in 2021.

But with the crisis in NHS dentists, more people might have migrated to the private providers and DP might've been pushed off the list.