I've spent 24 years not knowing I was mixed

[goforadance]

I grew up with a single mum who was white, never knew my dad other than his name... only to discover his facebook page years later and see, in fact, that he is a mixed-race man! How's your Wednesday going?

Does it matter? I don't mean that in a sarky way.

How do you feel about it? Will you try to make contact?

I can imagine that you feel emotional about it??

Your mum never spoke of him?

All sorts of thoughts must be rushing through your mind.
Whatever colour he is he's not been a father to you. He hasn't got in touch with you. Don't seek contact.

Doesn't change all that much, I'm only a quarter Caribbean and look quite like my mum other than having curly hair so growing up I never thought of myself as different. Just found it surprising how I went 24 years thinking I was fully white.

Agreed - I don't plan on it. I'm very happy with how I grew up with just my mum and I've called my stepdad Dad since I was ten and don't plan on changing that.

It's probably a lot to absorb at the moment putting a face to the name. Does your mother have bad memories of him?

for me id not be fussed either way, for me, some answers would be a start however im not sure if it would answer my questions

How interesting! Lots to uncover if you want to, in terms of heritage, even without speaking to your biological father. Equally, taking your time to process it and decide if you’re interested in heritage.

Must be quite a shock. I am sure a celeb on Who Do You Think Yoi Are discovered similar?

Wow how lucky you are that's amazing 😍 you got them genes be proud of your heritage and research it you will not be disappointed. Did your dad have any other children siblings? I cant get over the fact your mum has never told you this.

I don't understand people who think it doesn't matter. Of course people usually have a deep interest in their own identities.

Being mixed race doesn't matter now, in fact it's rather nice. I'd be more concerned about having a parent who I didn't know and would be interested in him. However it's good that you are content with mum and stepdad, that's the most important thing.

Skin colour genes in humans are massively variable {We learned this in Biology years ago} - The sad part of this story is how your {edit :Bio Dad} has not been a supportive and present Dad to you.

Personally I would embrace xomethhg like this, and would probably want to find out more about my family on that side, and look into my heritage. I would be excited personally at this discovery of something quite special op.

Nothing has changed per se, you are the same person you were yesterday , but it does offer the opportunity if you want to take it, to get to know your ancestry etc.

@Einszwei I was responding to OP sounding shaken up about it, not trying to say she shouldn't have interest in her heritage.

That must have come as a shock. Aside from taking a cultural interest in your heritage, it's worth being aware of health conditions that disproportionately affect certain ethnic minority groups such as high blood pressure, sickle cell and diabetes. This will become important if you become pregnant, for instance.

Slightly different but my grandmother hid the fact her grandmother was Indian because some children threw stones at her and called her racist names when she was a child. My mum only found out after my grandmother died. We have a photo of my grandmother and her half Indian mother. My mother has very thick hair and green eyes. I also have very thick hair and brown eyes. Not sure who I get my eyes from (my dad's are piercing blue- his mother had brown eyes) - but the hair is definitely from my Indian side. When I was about 30 I went to India on holiday with a friend who has family there. I'd love to have visited where my great great grandmother was from but didn't get there. I find it interesting thinking about what her life was like.

It's a shame he wasn't there for you. There is the upside that you/ if you have children then medically it can be noted for any risk increases that may exist for any specific health conditions (admittedly I don't know if there ARE, but different populations do have particular dispositions for illnesses). But it's obviously not going to be at the front of your mind in this situation!

Eyes too, higher rates of glaucoma, plus people who are dark skinned or mixed race with one of those ethnicities having darker skin are more likely to have pigment at the back of their eyes, in fully white people this is more unusual and so more likely to lead to a two week referral for melanoma.

How Did your mum not mention this before??

You have good parents but I would think it only right you're told why your birth father was not in your life for whatever reason. Your mother needs to tell you these things. Maybe he didn’t know about you or your mother maybe she didn't want him, to know these things are important from a medical point of view if nothing else. I believe in being open with your children its their right no matter how I feel.

The mum's actions are shocking but not the deadbeat dad's?

So interesting! Did you have no idea? No ringlets in your hair?

White people can have ringlets too. Curly hair doesn’t have to indicate black ancestry.

My grandchildren have the same ethnicity as the OP. One has slightly afro hair the others have non-Afro wavy hair. One has the palest skin ever.

OP is 3/4 white and her children would only be 1/8 Caribbean (if she has children with a white man). I doubt risks of health conditions that mainly affect Caribbeans would increase for her children. Risks might be higher for OP though. I say this as someone who is mixed race (1/2 white) and my daughter is 3/4 white.