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Original poster

I've spent 24 years not knowing I was mixed

42 replies

goforadance · 13/03/2025 00:14

I grew up with a single mum who was white, never knew my dad other than his name... only to discover his facebook page years later and see, in fact, that he is a mixed-race man! How's your Wednesday going?

OP posts:
Marshbird · 13/03/2025 08:02

I think there are quite a lot of people who consider themselves “white” who have mixed heritage …I often think it would be interesting to do DNA checks or genealogy on some of these extreme right wing racists …they’ll be a fair few in for a shock.

however, finding your roots and something about them can be really interesting and sometimes sad or shocking. That discovery can help us understand how we, as a family, ended up how we are, and perhaps appreciate choices made or forced on our near ancestors (3rd generation etc).

mixed heritage is becoming so common as each generation passes, and that has to be good for gene pool if nothing else!

Mixedmix · 13/03/2025 09:19

Marshbird · 13/03/2025 08:02

I think there are quite a lot of people who consider themselves “white” who have mixed heritage …I often think it would be interesting to do DNA checks or genealogy on some of these extreme right wing racists …they’ll be a fair few in for a shock.

however, finding your roots and something about them can be really interesting and sometimes sad or shocking. That discovery can help us understand how we, as a family, ended up how we are, and perhaps appreciate choices made or forced on our near ancestors (3rd generation etc).

mixed heritage is becoming so common as each generation passes, and that has to be good for gene pool if nothing else!

I hate it when white people say ‘we’re all mixed.’ Really dismisses racism. People who are 1/2 or 1/4 will have very different life experiences to people are full. If you’re a 1/16 of a different race then you’re not mixed race.

Marshbird · 13/03/2025 12:44

Mixedmix · 13/03/2025 09:19

I hate it when white people say ‘we’re all mixed.’ Really dismisses racism. People who are 1/2 or 1/4 will have very different life experiences to people are full. If you’re a 1/16 of a different race then you’re not mixed race.

Edited
Show quote history

I’m not dismissing racism. This op has said she had no idea she had mixed race father- and assumed , like me, she’s white

thers a big difference between what I was saying re origins in 3rd generation or further back, and people who look non white. It’s those that are subject to racism. Based on physical appearance or obvious cultural differences

you missed point of what I was saying

i am most certainly not dismissing racism

Marchitectmummy · 14/03/2025 03:14

Mixedmix · 13/03/2025 09:19

I hate it when white people say ‘we’re all mixed.’ Really dismisses racism. People who are 1/2 or 1/4 will have very different life experiences to people are full. If you’re a 1/16 of a different race then you’re not mixed race.

Edited
Show quote history

What! Do you also care when black people who have some white heritage describe themselves as mixed? How someone describes themselves is personal to them and is at their discretion. What is this tedious link you are making to dismisal of racism?

I'm mixed race and couldn't care less who describes themselves as what. I also do not agree that my life experiences are different as a result to 'full' full what are you wittering on about, full white / full black? I have siblings who you would describe as "full" im guessing, would love to hear how these differences manifest themselves in that scenario.

Who are you to speak for me?

Mixedmix · 14/03/2025 05:35

Marchitectmummy · 14/03/2025 03:14

What! Do you also care when black people who have some white heritage describe themselves as mixed? How someone describes themselves is personal to them and is at their discretion. What is this tedious link you are making to dismisal of racism?

I'm mixed race and couldn't care less who describes themselves as what. I also do not agree that my life experiences are different as a result to 'full' full what are you wittering on about, full white / full black? I have siblings who you would describe as "full" im guessing, would love to hear how these differences manifest themselves in that scenario.

Who are you to speak for me?

Edited
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People who are fully one race (as in not half or a quarter of another race) won’t have identity issues that many mixed people feel. That’s why it’s different. I’m also not black so you’re ignoring other races in the world.

BlueFlowers5 · 14/03/2025 17:42

You might have brothers and sisters, aunts, through your father's side?

Childminder60 · 14/03/2025 20:40

Check if you have sickle trait. My grandaughter a quarter Nigerian is. If you are you will need to choose your partner wisely, not deep sea swim or climb at high latitudes.

Laura95167 · 15/03/2025 08:46

I think it must be jarring, not because it matters but because you've discovered an element of yourself you didn't know about. It would feel weird to not know something as basic as your own racial background.

I think take some time and think about if you need to know about this part of your heritage with or without reaching out to your biological father. Maybe ask your mam and dad why they never told you? I hope you find the answers you need

howrudeforme · 15/03/2025 08:56

Please note this medical records as you could be at increased risk of certain medical conditions.

im mixed Asian and white and have quite a few medical issues that affect south Asians.

my ds has a south European df. Ds felt white when younger and that’s fine but I ensured his medical records have his ethnicities. He now identifies as mixed and that’s also fine (however we do live with my Indian mum so he lives this daily).

I think Martin Gore (depeche mode) found out his father was black later in life?

Snakebite61 · 15/03/2025 09:21

goforadance · 13/03/2025 00:14

I grew up with a single mum who was white, never knew my dad other than his name... only to discover his facebook page years later and see, in fact, that he is a mixed-race man! How's your Wednesday going?

Looks like your racism has backfired on you.

GreyCarpet · 15/03/2025 09:34

I think people who are crying racism and saying it's not important are missing the point spectacularly.

It's not racism and it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things but the OP has discovered something about herself that she was previously unaware of and wasn't expecting to learn.

That's all.

BunnyRuddington · 15/03/2025 09:50

Marshbird · 13/03/2025 08:02

I think there are quite a lot of people who consider themselves “white” who have mixed heritage …I often think it would be interesting to do DNA checks or genealogy on some of these extreme right wing racists …they’ll be a fair few in for a shock.

however, finding your roots and something about them can be really interesting and sometimes sad or shocking. That discovery can help us understand how we, as a family, ended up how we are, and perhaps appreciate choices made or forced on our near ancestors (3rd generation etc).

mixed heritage is becoming so common as each generation passes, and that has to be good for gene pool if nothing else!

They have and let’s just say they didn’t like the results too much…Grin

SerendipityJane · 15/03/2025 10:25

There is a saying that a difference that makes no difference is no difference

Ummbelieaveable · 15/03/2025 10:30

CalicoPusscat · 13/03/2025 00:38

Does it matter? I don't mean that in a sarky way.

How do you feel about it? Will you try to make contact?

Edited

”Does it matter?” Doesn’t come across very well.

I can only try to imagine how you must feel @goforadance . It’s going to take a while to sink in. 🤗💐

Ummbelieaveable · 15/03/2025 10:31

Snakebite61 · 15/03/2025 09:21

Looks like your racism has backfired on you.

Show quote history

WTAF?

Ladamesansmerci · 15/03/2025 10:33

People saying it doesn't matter, when it really does. Who your parents are and where they are from is an important part of your history and identity. It's natural to want to know or be interested. That's why adopted children now get given loads of life story work.

It's a shame your bio dad was never involved OP, but at least you have a name to a face now.

CalicoPusscat · 15/03/2025 11:18

@Ummbelieaveable you got the wrong end of the stick. I asked that as OP seemed upset that she was mixed race not for any other reason.

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