What is the thing that put you off your counsellor?

[Springchickenhatching]

I am just wondering. I’ve been having some counselling about a family issue. Talking about family member who is autistic, she insisted that ‘most ND are bisexual ‘. The person concerned is definitely heterosexual and she wouldn’t accept that. It had nothing to do with the issue anyway! Just so odd.

I paid privately for over the years, dipping in and out with the same counsellor.
I hadnt seen her for a few months and she messaged me

her - just checking in to see how your doing (how nice of her I thought)
me - same old really, things still difficult with xx (dementia parent)
her - let me know if you want to book in.

she wasn’t checking in, she just wanted my money. Haven’t responded to her since

Yes it is

You keep saying it's not true OP but if you're in the UK then anyone can say they are a counsellor, it's not a protected title. A quick google confirms that. It's unfair to keep saying people are wrong when they aren't.

I’ve had therapists that I felt were just listening to me and enjoying the chat…like they never said anything remotely insightful or interventional at all, it wasn’t better than a conversation with a close friend. I don’t know if that’s me being obtuse, though. I always felt it was a waste of money.

It is true. From the HCPC website:
‘Some professionals use the term 'psychologist' or other titles such as counsellor, psychotherapist or therapist. These are not protected titles, so professionals using them do not need to be on the HCPC's Register. Those who are not on our Register are not regulated by us.’

Unfortunately it is absolutely possible to set yourself up as a counsellor with no training - as it is not a protected profession at the moment. It is always best to check if the counsellor is registered to a governing body. Different counsellors practice different modalities e.g with Person Centered counselling it's about listening to the client and asking questions to help them sort their own issues and question their automatic thinking and helping them raise their self concept and self esteem. Other counsellors offer CBT for cognitive training or EMDR for help with trauma etc.

Mine was lovely but wore flowery clothes and had hairy legs and toes.
Superficial of me but I just couldn't get past that!

Seen two, both just turned the conversation to themselves, whixh I thought was weird. I was like, do you want to pay ME?

I had one bereavement councillor who must have been in her late 60s/70s (nothing wrong with that) but she was so out of touch with reality and modern family life. She couldn’t comprehend that I didn’t lay the table for breakfast and cook bacon and eggs for my teenage children every morning and I should pull my socks up (really!) and make my late dh proud.

I was busy coping with so much shit plus my own dying mum and my health issues and grieving teenagers that this just felt like a kick in the teeth. Then she had the cheek to ask why was I so angry with life, and she kept getting my information wrong.

this was Cruse. Normally great tbf but this one councellor put me off the service for life

Oh you’ve worried me now. I have some talking therapy sessions booked through the NHS. Foolishly I assumed they would be qualified professionals of some sort. I have their name and he seems to be 23rs old going on their LinkedIn and a title of trainee psychological wellbeing practitioners

i was dubious anyway - but he’s my grandsons age and I don’t see he has any qualifications whatsoever

He shouted at me "ANNE! You just have to accept you were his victim". That shut me up. At the next session (WTF I went back I don't know, I wasn't in the best place, obviously) I asked him if he ever got bored listening to people droning on. He said no and smiled. Yeah, right.

I could smell alcohol on one occasion.

The last thing was that he shrugged and said "Does it matter?" that my son was born and died as the result of my husband raping me. I didn't go back after that so I suppose he did help me build up some strength 🙄

I had several therapy meetings with a male therapist, on the final meeting I had with him, we were discussing me getting my confidence levels back etc following exh leaving the family home.

I was obviously boring him as he fell asleep for 20mins. I was sat like a dummy until he woke up.

I called the therapy service once home, they offered another 8 sessions, I politely declined!!

I had one who didn't seem to remember any details. I wouldn't have minded if the session had been slightly shorter if she needed the time to review her notes (I don't think she made any). I didn't go back after the appointment where she thought I was talking about my husband (I am an unmarried lesbian, which she had been told).
I had a (lovely) older lady when I was in university. She made it clear that none of the problems mattered because I was young. With hindsight she was correct, but they mattered a big bloody lot to me at the time.

so many awful counsellors.

It really should be better regulated. At £80 a pop it's not cheap.

I have to be honest I’ve tried a lot of counsellors. All were BACP registered. None of them have been any good. I do wonder if it’s me, but when I read this thread I think most counsellors are probably shit unfortunately. I think I the latest one who made the remark about all ND people being bisexual or gay needs to be binned now too sadly.

She took £240 over 4 sessions, and all she did was listen. No helpful questions to enable me to self reflect or begin to process what I'd gone to her to work through.

She was one of those who thought that silence and looking at each other was a good use of time. It made me very very uncomfortable.

Not accepting someone autistic isn't bisexual would not just put me off, I'd complain about her lack of professionalism. I'd wager most austic MNs aren't bisexual either.

Sadly it is..in this country counselling and psychotherapy is unregulated so anyone can set themselves up after even a days course or none.

however there are 5 ethical bodies that are rubber stamped so to speak by the professional standards agencies - a counsellor imv worth their salt will be a member of one of these ethical bodies and that’s what prospective clients should look out for

Yes, I couldn’t believe what I’d heard. It’s so disappointing. She also seems more interested in what I thought about other counsellors and what I think about her than what I’m coming to her about!

This thread has been truly eye opening for me sorry you have all had such a crap time with someone meant to help and assist

Completely unethical and harmful practice by that counsellor - if they are part of an ethical body you can complain direct to the ethical body

She called me the wrong name 3 times

I think counselling is a bit of a placebo to be honest. We’re sold that it is beneficial, life saving, investment in you, but it’s really just active listening.

There are a couple of people on MN who claim they are counsellors and I would not want to be baring my soul to them, put it that way.

I’ve had good and not so good. It is helpful if you know what kind of school of psychotherapy suits you.

Mental health is the one area of healthcare where the number of treatments has grown exponentially yet somehow more and more people suffer with poor mental health issues. I acknowledge that the sociopolitical and economic climate pays a huge part in that but I do wonder sometimes whether all these treatments and therapies are actually causing more harm than good...