Unexpected long term house guest: Help Needed

[PeapodBurgundy]

I'm seeking advice from people who regularly host guests as this is all new to me.

My lovely friend had a house fire, and as a result her house in uninhabitable. Emergency accommodation was offered in a hotel, but I invited her to stay here which she took me up on. It looks as if she's going to be here for around 6 weeks, which is longer than anticipated given that the actual fire damage is confined to one room, so I'm looking for tips to make this easier. (I'm more than happy for her to be here for as long as she needs, the extra time isn't an issue, this is not a case of regretting the invite)

I don't have a spare bedroom, so she's sleeping on a fold away bed in the family room, however this is on a through route to the playroom, so not the most private space. I have a separate living room, so we have space to spend time apart if anyone needs some solitude, and we are both comfortable enough to say we need a moment of alone time. I have given her storage space for her things, and bought in groceries so she has things to eat that she likes.

Is there anything else I should be thinking about? It's not going to be easy after a while of living in somebody else's house with no actual private space for yourself. I've never hosted guests overnight as I don't really have the space. I just want to make this as easy as possible, but there are bound to be several things I haven't thought of.

That sounds awful (for her). I'd far rather have a hotel room with some privacy and a comfortable bed. Did she realise what her sleeping arrangements would be when she took you up on your offer?

Could she not have the hotel, but an open invitation to spend the daytime at yours?

This I’m afraid OP. I’d need my personal space.

Why did she turn down a hotel?!

She should find an Airbnb and ask insurance to pay for it.

She should have kept the hotel and she could have come round to you to do a bit of washing and have a cooked meal, she’s mad. And you’re very kind to offer but the living arrangements just don’t work for anything longer than 1/2 nights, surely?

Put the fold away bed in a room that is not a through room (living room?) And make that her private space until she can go home.

I agree with all PP. It won't just be 6 weeks. How will you feel if it's 12?

I think it's telling that you've never had someone to stay overnight before. You clearly don't have the experience to understand what this entails for her, and how she's going to feel having no privacy and so much discomfort.

Honestly, it sounds hellish. And could be the end of your friendship.

I'm afraid I agree with the above comments, plus they say six weeks but it could be longer.

I would advise her to go back to her insurance and ask for accommodation now she is out of the initial instant shock. She needs private space, and you can offer to have her for meals (and even the occasional night). It was a really kind offer, but although it might work for a week, it might strain friendship for longer.

I'm really surprised she turned down a hotel room and that you even offered given you have never hosted a guest for even one night and you have no spare room for her. Poor women probably felt obligated to say yes to your offer and is now sleeping on a sofa with no privacy.

I would sit her down tonight and see if there's any way she can accept the hotel offered now she's turned it down. It's very unlikely to be six weeks and in all honesty no matter how much you thought offering to host her would be a kindness it's going to strain your friendship and possibly even end it.

In my opinion, this needs a rethink. It could easily be 4 months before the insurers give the go-ahead for work to commence, then there are built-in delays while tradesmen are approved and that's all before a stroke of repair work takes place. Been there, done that!

I think you sound like an absolutely lovely and very considerate friend and, unlike others, I can quite see why she's choosing to stay with you.

I think you'd be best off asking her, though, about what else she might want or need, including the option to move to a hotel for privacy (as long as you make it clear that you are happy to have her - if you are) given the longer than expected stay.

Also, she's single, you've got kids? And her space is on the way to their playroom?

Honestly, after a traumatic experience, she is surely not going to want kids rampaging around her or wanting to play around her when she wants to lie in or just wake up gently.

Did she know the sleeping arrangements before agreeing to stay with you?

The whole set up sounds unmanageable and I honestly think it will lead to a lot of tension and issues.

I think you sound like an absolutely lovely and very considerate friend and, unlike others, I can quite see why she's choosing to stay with you.

God, yes. How lovely of you! I think you're being very thoughtful as well, thinking about her needs. You're being a fab friend.

That said, I kind of agree with others that this isn't going to work long-term (unless you can do some major temporary reorganising to give her her own room). I think just go with the flow for now, check in with her how she's feeling. You may find she decides to switch to a hotel/AirB&B at some point, in which case you'll both have hood feelings about how you helped her.

You say you have a seperate living room, a family room where the bed is but is a through route to the playroom... can you rearrange things and give her the living room instead.. you can still retreat to your bedroom / the playroom / family room if needed and she can have her own space.

I think it will be difficult for both of you but if you get on well together it's certainly doable.

I think you need to think of her as a house mate rather than guest so that you don't feel like you need to 'entertain ' her.
Can you / she buy a large screen or two to create a wall and divide the room ? This is a bit 'office ' like but there is loads of choices out there.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/CASART-Protective-Partition-Separator-Furniture/dp/B098D852X3/ref=sxin_22_pa_sp_phone_search_thematic_sspa?adgrpid=120716155914&content-id=amzn1.sym.03d8c8c6-2c3d-4374-b0f5-7fe5e2fd6a2c%3Aamzn1.sym.03d8c8c6-2c3d-4374-b0f5-7fe5e2fd6a2c&cv_ct_cx=temporary+room+dividers&hvadid=593772999248&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9046633&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=15405027707469618594&hvtargid=kwd-1819063283&hydadcr=2534_2293286&keywords=temporary+room+dividers&mcid=fecc75ec9838360ead1e1a91085dd726&pd_rd_i=B098D852X3&pd_rd_r=ee0d822a-07a1-448f-a1e2-7dad02994ecc&pd_rd_w=2Gzgm&pd_rd_wg=dLSH9&pf_rd_p=03d8c8c6-2c3d-4374-b0f5-7fe5e2fd6a2c&pf_rd_r=SYR9CGJ1NC14PAA86XRA&qid=1741422271&sr=1-3-ad3222ed-9545-4dc8-8dd8-6b2cb5278509-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfdGhlbWF0aWM&psc=1

Cooking for each other would be nice but make sure she knows dhe doesn't need to ask for food / drinks but that she is expected to add to the food shopping bill , even if its just a token amount.

Also make sure your DCs know that they can not go into her space.

Can't you move things around so she has the play room or the private living room as her bedroom for the next 6 weeks? It does sound like you have some space?

Even though the fire was only in one room, they may have been scrutual damage.

what was she paying insurance for if she is not going to use it?
She can stay in the hotel and visit a couple of nights a week.
Huge imposition on your household for a really long time.

Tell her you offered without thinking what this would entail for both of you. Give her a key and an open invitation to spend time at your place , but she needs to sleep at the hotel.

Why on earth did she turn down hotel accommodation?

Have a conversation now.
I think that 6 weeks is a little longer than I thought. You are welcome to stay as long as it takes to sort out suitable accommodation for the duration of repairs, and happy to store your personal/valuables. Can you have a chat with insurers on Monday?
I work in insurance claims. Take an estimate and double the cost and time as a general rule of thumb.

Even if it's not structural, getting resource to strip, clean and probably redecorate the entire place , replace floor coverings if needed. Not 6 weeks

It's not going to be six weeks. I think your friend needs to get back to the insurance company and ask for an air bnb

What a kind offer, and certainly very welcome immediately after a fire. In saying that, it’s likely to be more than 6 weeks - there will be smoke damage to the rest of the house, everything will need to be cleaned or replaced and that takes time.

Her insurance company will provide alternative accommodation while she needs to be out of her house, usually in the form
of a short term let. They’ll also contribute to food costs if she doesn’t have cooking facilities. She’s paying them for this kind of cover so there’s no issue with her using it.

I had a house fire many years ago, the fire damage was confined to one room but I was out of the house for 6 months - and that was with a very efficient insurer. I know I needed private space to cope with the shock of losing just about everything and to work with builders etc to get the house back on track. You’ve been very kind but she should now ask about being accommodated while repair works are underway.