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Original poster

Unexpected long term house guest: Help Needed

48 replies

PeapodBurgundy · 08/03/2025 07:46

I'm seeking advice from people who regularly host guests as this is all new to me.

My lovely friend had a house fire, and as a result her house in uninhabitable. Emergency accommodation was offered in a hotel, but I invited her to stay here which she took me up on. It looks as if she's going to be here for around 6 weeks, which is longer than anticipated given that the actual fire damage is confined to one room, so I'm looking for tips to make this easier. (I'm more than happy for her to be here for as long as she needs, the extra time isn't an issue, this is not a case of regretting the invite)

I don't have a spare bedroom, so she's sleeping on a fold away bed in the family room, however this is on a through route to the playroom, so not the most private space. I have a separate living room, so we have space to spend time apart if anyone needs some solitude, and we are both comfortable enough to say we need a moment of alone time. I have given her storage space for her things, and bought in groceries so she has things to eat that she likes.

Is there anything else I should be thinking about? It's not going to be easy after a while of living in somebody else's house with no actual private space for yourself. I've never hosted guests overnight as I don't really have the space. I just want to make this as easy as possible, but there are bound to be several things I haven't thought of.

OP posts:
Changeissmall · 08/03/2025 09:21

What are you doing about costs/food/bills?
You do sound lovely but you should both agree to be open about communication to make sure you carry on being such good friends!

Onedaynotyet · 08/03/2025 09:23

A few weeks turned into 2 years for PIL. They had a hotel all that time. It all took much longer to repair than any estimates they were given. It's finding the people to the work, and then many things have to be done in sequence.
Your friend should keep the hotel room and have you for when she wants a bit of home, or laundry or something.

Jellycatspyjamas · 08/03/2025 09:23

If she does continue to stay with you her insurers should contribute to the cost of her staying, usually a rate per night. It’s not much but can make things easier for everyone.

TheaBrandt1 · 08/03/2025 09:27

That’s not a sustainable way to live for anyone. That’s ok for the odd night but even then. Really odd that she turned down the hotel why on earth did she do that?

Nothatgingerpirate · 08/03/2025 09:45

Obviously such tragedies happen, it's awful, horrible, when your home is destroyed, but she was offered a hotel.
It wouldn't cross my mind to invite anyone into my home under these circumstances.

frozendaisy · 08/03/2025 09:49

Turn playroom into her guest room for the duration
move some toys out and teach kids that they need to wait to go in there until friend is up

will teach kids that sometimes you have to make sacrifices to help others which isn’t a bad thing

give her tasks at first, peel these potatoes, can you empty dishwasher etc so she feels part of what is going on and needs to be done.

cestlavielife · 08/03/2025 09:53

Unless you can offer a true spare room and own bathroom and come to a financial arrangement then rethink. This will turn into months. She should take the accommodation offered nd work with her insurers or council and come to you as needed.

BettyBardMacDonald · 08/03/2025 10:07

Phoenix1Arisen · 08/03/2025 08:03

In my opinion, this needs a rethink. It could easily be 4 months before the insurers give the go-ahead for work to commence, then there are built-in delays while tradesmen are approved and that's all before a stroke of repair work takes place. Been there, done that!

This.

She paid for the insurance coverage that includes emergency lodging. Why on earth would she turn down a nice hotel room and bath for a makeshift arrangement in a house with little kids??

SnoopysHoose · 08/03/2025 10:20

If the damage is confined to one room why has she had to move out?

biscuitsandbooks · 08/03/2025 10:23

SnoopysHoose · 08/03/2025 10:20

If the damage is confined to one room why has she had to move out?

Fire damage may be confined to one room, but there could be smoke damage and the house may need to be assessed for structural damage too. It's very normal after a fire for people to need to move out for a period of time.

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 08/03/2025 11:15

Why did she not take the hotel?!?!🙈

It's not going to be just 6 weeks. My friend's parents were out of their house for well over a year after fire damage.

MayaPinion · 08/03/2025 11:20

If you do want her to stay with you why don’t you repurpose the separate living room into a makeshift bedroom, or if the play room is private put her in there? Putting her in the main living area is the least convenient of all the options. For that amount of time it would even be worth going to Argos or Ikea and getting her a modestly priced single bed.

ginasevern · 08/03/2025 13:39

Why on earth did you offer this (given your lack of space) and why on earth did she accept? Who would turn down the offer of a hotel, especially as she's paid insurance for this very reason. I can almost guarantee that you will not be friends by the end of the 6 weeks (although it's likely to be much longer realistically). What a mess! I'd tell her you've changed your mind.

Original poster
PeapodBurgundy · 08/03/2025 13:48

There was no pressure to stay with me, I should have made that clear in my initial post. She was offered the hotel room, and said she didn't want it. I offered her the pull out bed as a response to that and she jumped at the chance.

It's not possible to put the bed in the living room as there isn't space for it to pull out, lots of the furniture is built in on account of it being small and oddly shaped. The playroom is an extremely drafty, self build conservatory. It's freezing in there overnight, and not remotely suitable.

She hasn't expressed anything but gratitude so far, and has repeatedly thanked me for letting her stay. She's neurodivergent and was distressed at the thought of the hotel. If she really didn't want to be here, her parents have a spare bedroom which she could use over the hotel room. She is choosing to be here, and there would be no upset caused by her going to her parents or changing her mind about the hotel, as she well knows. She has offered to go and stay with her parents, I have made it clear she's welcome to come and go as she pleases, if she would rather sleep there but still use my house for an escape she can do. I've given her a key. She has the house to herself most of the time, as I'm at work and the DC at school through the day (she doesn't work due to long term health issues). Our DC go to the same club after school once a week, and we typically spend at least one evening a week at mine anyway, so we're not spending a huge amount of extra time together.

I should also have mentioned that she lives in local authority housing, which makes repair work much less complicated. They have already done the assessment of repairs, and work starts on Monday. The company the insurance arranged to take away the smoke damaged items for cleaning/repair are coming out on Tuesday to do a survey of items, then that will be arranged too, so things are moving quickly. The house is uninhabitable at present as the fire brigade turned off the gas and electricity supply due to the fire being caused by a fault with an electrical socket. Once that is back on, we will be able to tackle a room at a time and she will be able to move back in.

OP posts:
Original poster
PeapodBurgundy · 08/03/2025 13:51

Changeissmall · 08/03/2025 09:21

What are you doing about costs/food/bills?
You do sound lovely but you should both agree to be open about communication to make sure you carry on being such good friends!

She has offered money, but I have said to hang fire for this month to establish how much of the financial outlay the insurance company will cover. I can afford to cover a bit extra in bills while we wait for the appointment on Tuesday when there will be a clearer idea of what will need to be replaced and what is being repaired/cleaned by the company the insurers have arranged.

OP posts:
TwentyTwentyFive · 08/03/2025 13:53

So she and her children are sleeping on your sofa instead of in a hotel room or at her parents house who have an actual spare room? That makes absolutely no sense and I genuinely still don't really understand why you offered or why she accepted when she had much more sensible alternatives? Confused

Codlingmoths · 08/03/2025 13:55

You sound lovely and you both seem to be communicating well. Keep that up and you’ll be fine. I think the key to this situation is being able to manage the alone time some of us need, and the busy stressed nights you need a quick easy meal, that you wouldn’t usually serve to a friend.

Original poster
PeapodBurgundy · 08/03/2025 13:56

Her eldest is away at university, her youngest is sleeping at his Dad's house. I offered because she didn't want to stay in a hotel, and I am happy to have her here. She accepted because out of the options she has, this is the one she prefers.

She had a pull out bed, not a sofa. I know they're not as comfortable as a permanent bed, but it is a bed nonetheless

OP posts:
shinythingspaperrings · 08/03/2025 14:03

PeapodBurgundy · 08/03/2025 13:48

There was no pressure to stay with me, I should have made that clear in my initial post. She was offered the hotel room, and said she didn't want it. I offered her the pull out bed as a response to that and she jumped at the chance.

It's not possible to put the bed in the living room as there isn't space for it to pull out, lots of the furniture is built in on account of it being small and oddly shaped. The playroom is an extremely drafty, self build conservatory. It's freezing in there overnight, and not remotely suitable.

She hasn't expressed anything but gratitude so far, and has repeatedly thanked me for letting her stay. She's neurodivergent and was distressed at the thought of the hotel. If she really didn't want to be here, her parents have a spare bedroom which she could use over the hotel room. She is choosing to be here, and there would be no upset caused by her going to her parents or changing her mind about the hotel, as she well knows. She has offered to go and stay with her parents, I have made it clear she's welcome to come and go as she pleases, if she would rather sleep there but still use my house for an escape she can do. I've given her a key. She has the house to herself most of the time, as I'm at work and the DC at school through the day (she doesn't work due to long term health issues). Our DC go to the same club after school once a week, and we typically spend at least one evening a week at mine anyway, so we're not spending a huge amount of extra time together.

I should also have mentioned that she lives in local authority housing, which makes repair work much less complicated. They have already done the assessment of repairs, and work starts on Monday. The company the insurance arranged to take away the smoke damaged items for cleaning/repair are coming out on Tuesday to do a survey of items, then that will be arranged too, so things are moving quickly. The house is uninhabitable at present as the fire brigade turned off the gas and electricity supply due to the fire being caused by a fault with an electrical socket. Once that is back on, we will be able to tackle a room at a time and she will be able to move back in.

I think given this update, it's clear it's the best solution all round.

Op, you are an amazing friend. 💐💐

rainbowstardrops · 08/03/2025 14:07

What a lovely friend you are Flowers

OriginalUsername2 · 08/03/2025 14:10

saraclara · 08/03/2025 07:57

I think it's telling that you've never had someone to stay overnight before. You clearly don't have the experience to understand what this entails for her, and how she's going to feel having no privacy and so much discomfort.

Honestly, it sounds hellish. And could be the end of your friendship.

That’s what I’m thinking. It’s not only the guest that’s going to be uncomfortable. Guests for more than about 2 days is a no from me. I’ve been burned before!

Laiste · 08/03/2025 14:19

@OriginalUsername2 i agree.

A lot of years ago i let an old friend stay at mine ''for a couple of weeks'' while her house sale went through.

Due to this and that she was still there nearly a year later and i had a 6 month old baby which needed it's room now please 😳

But it sounds like OP has a looser arrangement as her guest has her parents to go to if push comes to shove.

Lovemycat2023 · 08/03/2025 14:56

kiwiane · 08/03/2025 07:53

She should find an Airbnb and ask insurance to pay for it.

Yes this. A serviced apartment for 6 weeks is what they should provide. I know one has been provided for a friend of a friend in the same position.

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