What's your unofficial role in work?

[MamaAndTheSofa]

Chatting to a couple of friends the other day, we were discussing how we all have unofficial roles in work - roles that are never in any job description, but which someone has to do.

Mine is "Attender of funerals". When we feel we ought to send someone from the office to a funeral (eg a colleagues mum has died or something), it always ends up being me.

Another friend is the unofficial knot un-tier; if anyone has a knot they can't undo (which seems to happen ridiculously often in his work, as far as I can tell), they come to him and he undoes it.

Another friend is the one who always has hand cream.

What are yours?

I'm very part time nowadays and the only thing I can think of is I provide the gossip! I'm older than most of my team, well connected with good intel from various sources. I got the scoop our boss was leaving a good few weeks before it was announced for example. I only tell my loveliest, most trustworthy colleagues though!

opener of certain doors that need codes

opener of the awkward library door that needs a special code and a kick in the right place.

i always have spare bin bags from a secret stash when our stocks have run out

(school cleaner here)

I've thought of another couple - I was our office Christmas tree decorator and plant waterer. I didn't mind, it was preferable to working.

Creator of JIRA tickets

Human Dictionary and Thesaurus.

@FedUpandEatingChocolate

A person after my own heart 😂 love a gif

it was customer service, as it was a warehouse and if i was near the main entrance i was the one usually sent to talk

I'm the fixer of broken excel spreadsheets and teacher of formulae

Corporate historian

I am the fount of all knowledge, in spite of being there nearly the shortest time it's "Pan will know" to the extent that drilling was being done and apparently the whole office was as waiting for me to return from a wander to ask me what it was.

I have somehow avoided being the one they moan to as I'm perceived as too close to management, thank fuck.

I love this thread! I asked DD who is Gen Z and works with a lot of much older men and women (and a couple of younger but useless ppl) and she said “Oh I am so the IT consultant” she shows everyone how to use the new system (even though she learned it at the same time as they did).

The Oracle
If you want to know why we do the thing that way and not your way, I can fill you in on the time the company lost a million quid because of someone not following procedure.
If you want to do a thing but no idea how to organise, collate or track that thing, there's a good chance I already invented the process and have your report to hand.

I'm also the office Auntie. (Another colleague is office Mammy) I'm the one the younger staff can bounce things off when they can't face Mammys disappointment. 😂 I'll tell them how not to fuck up, and if they do, how best to handle it. I'll discreetly get you into a taxi when you are blotto before you make an arse of yourself in front of the CEO and deny all knowledge that I saw you worse for the wear. The junior staff tend to confide in me, and I'll take it to the grave.

Forgot to add 'Finder of random stuff on the internet that no one else can find but need'

Chef tamer, well as much as they can be! Pen distributor, till fixer, spillage mopper upper.

I solve ad hoc problems that the seniors don't have time to and the juniors cannot do themselves.

When I worked in an office: IT support (often fixing formatting or other basic user errors), printer maintenance, reported of stuff needing fixing to estates, fridge decontamination operative, organiser of cards, remover of spiders, knowledge management specialist ("where do I find X policy?"), proofreader, pastoral support lead, organisational memory.

Funnily enough, I completely burned out.

I don't drink tea or coffee, so don't contribute ot the fund

I do contribute the air freshener, the nice washing up liquid, the scrubby sponges and the odd packets of Aldi chocolate bars

Personal assistant, receptionist, events coordinator, coffee barista. Drives me nuts.

I am Controller Of The Air Conditioning Unit, and the office is at the temperature I want it to be at, and woe betide anyone who messes with this menopausal woman's ambient temperature choices. So there. 😂

Replacer of centrefeed rolls. The typical number of degrees per person where I work is two, yet people with flipping PhDs can't figure out that you have to take the tube out of the middle and consume the paper from the centre outwards.

Mum. Despite the fact I don't have children...

I am the one that people come to for painkillers, tampons, whether they should put leftover soup in the bin or sink, where the coffee is, can I tell manager such a thing as they're too embarrassed, do I have this email, how do I know when council tax is due, how do I cook a stew, I'm bleeding but I'm not due on....

Every bloody job I've ever been in

I used to be the last resort for training new starters- wasn't my job but if someone had been trained by someone else and still didn't get it they got sent to me as a last chance saloon type thing!
I really liked training people but basically I was training them in the same job as I was doing - wasn't paid any more then them to train them. I've used the word train far too much there .
Had a fair bit of success though. I'm everyone's mum these days.

Also email holder

You want an email where a manager said it was fine to do X, and you think it was 2018 it was sent?
Yep, I got it in my folders
Also got the follow up email where another manager confirmed it

BIG fan of producing emails that will back me the fuck up

I've been "Finder of files" in a previous job - I could tell you the exact location of files that no-one else could find & were often adamant that they didn't have in the first place.
My most recent previous job, I was "The knower of fixing things" if it didn't work, I'd know how to fix it. I could take apart equipment, clean it & reassemble it to get it working again. One particular piece of equipment, the service engineer was gutted when I resigned as he'd not needed to do anything to it during it's annual service as I'd kept it ticking over so nicely. 🥲

Maker of a cafetiere of coffee for anyone who wants to join with a cup