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Original poster

Devastating news - does anyone know what I can do about work?

106 replies

Whistlersofskye · 04/03/2025 17:57

My father has been diagnosed with a brain tumour and will need surgery and chemotherapy. He lives alone and I’m an only child so there isn’t anyone to help care for him.

I work full time, office based but could potentially work from home if allowed. I need to be around to care for him, is there any kind of law on my side that says I can work from home to be around for him (I’d move in with him) or maybe could I have time off to care for him? Is this usually unpaid?

I work for an employer who isn’t very flexible or family friendly so I know there’s no way I’d be able to just do this unless there is some sort of legislation that will work in my favour.

The other option will be to get carers in but my father has no money and I couldn’t afford to pay for them. Not sure if they’d be NHS?

This news has come out of the blue and I don’t know where to start. Would MacMillan be of any help with this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated

OP posts:
Muchtoomuchtodo · 04/03/2025 18:03

sorry to hear how poorly your df is op.

Care can be provided by social services if needed, a certain amount will be means tested I think so if your father really doesn’t have any savings it would be fully funded. He needs referring to adult social services to start the assessment. There is also the district nursing service for health related needs. Depending on how he is after his surgery there is always the possibility that he will need a care home placement to meet his needs, a social worker can do a financial assessment and assist with this (if necessary).

Macmillan would certainly be able to offer advice about what your father is entitled to, and also you if you become his carer.

could you take some time off work (sick if needed)?

HermioneWeasley · 04/03/2025 18:07

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Unfortunately there isn’t any right to provide care (theres a right to short term unpaid leave to sort out alternative care arrangement for a dependent). Hopefully his GP can provide a referral for social care

CantHoldMeDown · 04/03/2025 18:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 04/03/2025 18:08

Firstly, I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position.

I've been through caring for relatives with cancer and I was very lucky to have an employer who basically just supported me every step of the way.

You need to establish what the situation is with your employer. Ask if there is a possibility of working from home flexibly, making time up in the evenings if you are caring in normal work time? Can you do a mix of wfh/office? Can you reduce your hours temporarily? Could they let you buy, say, an extra two weeks holiday to be used in hours when needed?

Macmillan will be a great source of advice ... your Dad should be able to claim attendance allowance and he could then buy in a bit of help also. You might be able to get carers allowance.

Good luck op x

FinanceLPlates · 04/03/2025 18:08

So sorry to hear OP. I don’t know the answer to your questions but there are some specialist charities that provide all sorts of advice and support both to cancer patients and to the people who care for them. Macmillan have a very active forum and also a helpline I think. If your dad’s hospital has a Maggie’s centre that can be another great source of support.

CriticalOverthinking · 04/03/2025 18:09

horrible situation for you
Have a look at your companies policies for caring, special leave and flexible working.
I'd suggest speaking to your line manager in the first instance and explain the situation and what you would like to do, how it would work.

As far as I know there isn't any legal right to wfh but you can request flexible working which could be home or hybrid working. With support from a reasonably decent manager you might get some support.

FinanceLPlates · 04/03/2025 18:14

Sorry I somehow overlooked that you were already thinking of Macmillan! They are definitely worth a try, Their website/forum also has many knowledgeable people who may have dealt with similar situations.

RaininSummer · 04/03/2025 18:21

Do you/Dad live close enough to your office to maybe suggest a mix of wfh and reduced office hours?

feelinggrim18 · 04/03/2025 18:23

What care will he need?

Chemo would probably wipe him out but he could still manage maybe - you wfh and being around might be enough.

Original poster
Whistlersofskye · 04/03/2025 18:54

It’s all a bit up in the air at the moment, he will be having surgery in the next two weeks and the chemo is planned after this.

Im keeping my line manager up to date and he has said he’ll speak to HR, I just have a feeling there won’t be any movement apart from maybe a few days a week WFH. He didn’t seem to keen when I said that I’d be WFH in order to be around for my father - my manager is probably thinking my work output will be affected.
I can’t work flexibly as I need to answer the phone between 8 and 4pm.

OP posts:
LolaBlue87 · 04/03/2025 18:55

Sorry to hear about your dad.

Definitely look at your employers specific policies, but MacMillan has some useful information on their website - https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/supporting-someone/your-rights-at-work-while-caring-for-someone.

Cancer is considered a disability and, as a carer for someone with a disability, you do have certain protections in terms of your employment (probably worth familiarising yourself just in case). But flexible working is at your employer discretion, it’s not a right, unfortunately. Hopefully they will be understanding.

C152 · 04/03/2025 19:00

I'm sorry, OP; you must be so shocked by this news.

No, I don't think there is a specific law to require employers to make adjustments for carers, but you can request flexible working:

https://dls.org.uk/reasonable-adjustments-for-carers/

Your are also protected from discrimination or harassment at work if you are caring for someone who is elderly or disabled:

https://carers.org/downloads/resources-pdfs/working-for-carers/carers-rights-at-work.pdf

I hope things go as well as they can for both you and your father. x

Reasonable Adjustments for Carers | Disability Law Service

https://dls.org.uk/reasonable-adjustments-for-carers/

caringcarer · 04/03/2025 19:01

When my DH was diagnosed with a brain tumour even though it was making him blind he had to wait about 5 months for surgery. Your employer should give you a couple of days unpaid leave on compassionate grounds whilst you find a carer if your Dad needs one. Sadly they don't have to let you work from home, and if you were caring for your Dad you wouldn't get so much work done. Compassionate leave is generally unpaid.

ChessieFL · 04/03/2025 19:02

You’re legally entitled to take unpaid leave for up to a week a year if you’re providing care for someone with a disability/ an injury where they will need care for more than 3m/due to old age

www.gov.uk/carers-leave

EachandEveryone · 04/03/2025 19:07

I think adult social services should be your first port of call after Macmillan. Emphasise that he lives on his own. Hopefully they cam arrange a carer for the first six weeks he is home

Miley1967 · 04/03/2025 19:12

If your dad is over state pension age he could look at claiming Attendance Allowance but would need to have had difficulties for at least six months to claim it unless he is classed as terminally ill in which case he does not have to satisfy the six month waiting period. If he is under state pension age then it would be PIP. This money can help towards paying for carers or buying in help.

Blushingm · 04/03/2025 19:18

Contact social services - most of the help he will need will be social help - eg meal prep etc so nhs wouldn't fund this though social services might (depending on his financial situation).

NC10125 · 04/03/2025 19:20

In HR terms the leave which has the best protections around it is sick leave for you. So, if you are feeling stressed / overwhelmed etc etc I would encourage you to go to the GP and get signed off for a couple of weeks.

Usually when you return from sick leave a company will be amenable to discussing reasonable adjustments to getting you back to work. You can ask for an occupational therapist referral to do this, or talk more informally with your manager. It would be unlikely for this to give permenant work from home, but would be very usual to allow work from home for a period of time, or part time hours for a period of time, as you gradually transition back to work, especially if you are off with stress/anxiety.

JoanOgden · 04/03/2025 19:23

So sorry to hear this. Of course you want to do everything you can to support your father.

Fortunately the law is on your side. You have a legal right to request flexible working - which includes wfh, not just changes of hours - and your organisation can only refuse for specific limited reasons.

https://www.gov.uk/flexible-working

Suggest you make a formal request asap. If possible, offer to come into the office once a week (or whatever you think is feasible) to show willing.

Flexible working

Requesting flexible working, how to make an application, what business reasons an employer can give to reject an application and how to appeal.

https://www.gov.uk/flexible-working

Loveduppenguin · 04/03/2025 19:25

This near exact situation happened a colleague in my workplace. Her parents tumour was inoperable so it was a wait it out scenario, she was given allowances to work from home on minimal duties 2 days a weeks to care for him and be with him until the end. But my workplace is extremely family friendly and flexible.

Mrsttcno1 · 04/03/2025 19:35

JoanOgden · 04/03/2025 19:23

So sorry to hear this. Of course you want to do everything you can to support your father.

Fortunately the law is on your side. You have a legal right to request flexible working - which includes wfh, not just changes of hours - and your organisation can only refuse for specific limited reasons.

https://www.gov.uk/flexible-working

Suggest you make a formal request asap. If possible, offer to come into the office once a week (or whatever you think is feasible) to show willing.

Except that a very clear and obvious reason for the business to decline OP’s request is that they want to do this in order to provide care during working hours. Any business could easily refuse a flexible working request which would allow an employee to do something other than work during working hours.

FiveBarGate · 04/03/2025 19:38

I know it is a shock but don't be too hasty.

What time frame are you looking at for his surgery? How long is recovery likely to be in hospital?

Wanting to be with him is natural but he may want a bit of time to process it himself so be careful not to smother. His emotions and mood will be all over the place and spending every minute with him may not be best for either of you or your relationship.

Can you take a few days annual leave for the operation?

I'd be wary of committing to work while caring for him when you don't know how much it will entail. And the more you pick up, the more you'll be left to it.

If you are in England he may be entitled to up to six weeks of care without a financial assessment to help him with his recovery. Then the assessment can be done for longer term.

Your father daughter relationship is important. Prioritise that and see what other support you can access before changing the dynamic forever.

CoastalCalm · 04/03/2025 19:40

Speak to adult social care they may be able to provide six weeks of respite care after he is released - if you tell them he has no one available to care then it will facilitate as they won’t want him to ‘bed block’

FiveBarGate · 04/03/2025 19:42

CoastalCalm · 04/03/2025 19:40

Speak to adult social care they may be able to provide six weeks of respite care after he is released - if you tell them he has no one available to care then it will facilitate as they won’t want him to ‘bed block’

The hospital may well arrange this as part of discharge. They did for my dad recently

Iloveeverycat · 04/03/2025 19:50

In HR terms the leave which has the best protections around it is sick leave for you. So, if you are feeling stressed / overwhelmed etc etc I would encourage you to go to the GP and get signed off for a couple of weeks.
I think this is your best option. Someone I work with who's dad had an operation for cancer was signed of for at least a couple of months on full pay.