Devastating news - does anyone know what I can do about work?

[Whistlersofskye]

My father has been diagnosed with a brain tumour and will need surgery and chemotherapy. He lives alone and I’m an only child so there isn’t anyone to help care for him.

I work full time, office based but could potentially work from home if allowed. I need to be around to care for him, is there any kind of law on my side that says I can work from home to be around for him (I’d move in with him) or maybe could I have time off to care for him? Is this usually unpaid?

I work for an employer who isn’t very flexible or family friendly so I know there’s no way I’d be able to just do this unless there is some sort of legislation that will work in my favour.

The other option will be to get carers in but my father has no money and I couldn’t afford to pay for them. Not sure if they’d be NHS?

This news has come out of the blue and I don’t know where to start. Would MacMillan be of any help with this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Hi OP - very sorry you are going through this. I am also an only child and can relate to how hard this is…I had to navigate care for my mother (my father died years ago) when she was extremely mentally ill - she was delusional and sectioned for a period of time etc.

It might be different with physical over mental illness but what I would say is, please don’t be afraid to be vocal to the doctors about the level of support you are able to offer. I had a very young baby when my mum was so unwell, I had to be explicit that there was only so much I was able to cope with, so a system had to be put in place with carers etc. Our health service is so stretched that it’s seen as a positive if family members are able to offer care themselves- at least this was my experience. You have to be honest about the level of support that you as an only child with no other family can offer.

Good luck op, and sorry that your father is unwell xx

Best option is to be signed off sick, due to the stress. I managed someone whose parent had a brain tumour and that was the best option we could find.

No. That’s a terrible recommendation. It also will initiate sickness absence with her employer. Gp don’t just sign off open ended fit notes for weeks on end
With your recommendation she’ll have stress of a sick parent and have to negotiate sickness policy at work.

Take day days so if for Op. you might want to also go with him to appt to understand what to expect. And communicate to cancer team your work and inflexibility. You won’t be the first. They can help you understand you need to be there.
make sure cancer team know u full time work.
If he’s recovering in hospital. You don’t need the full days off.

You will understand his level of need after op.

Also his chemo might be once a week, every 3 weeks. You can help him that one day, make sure he’s got food, everything to hand etc.

Advice with HR-
first take the days-off for Op. & find out if u are needed in hosp or if they send him home.

then after op you can make next request.

then for chemo ask again.

But defo talk to cancer team. Don’t over commit yourself.

I really don’t know the full answer to this but I’d be very surprised if there wasn’t support for your father as he lives on his own.
My mother had support from nurses visiting her when she had cancer.

Conversations with his gp, by him I’m assuming might help give more advice.
Im sure other MNs know more

Could you phrase it as WFH to oversee care which you have carers for x times a day but you'd be in the house for emergencies and that you take time off for appointments etc. It might seem more palatable and that your work would be less effected than you doing full time care and trying to work at the same time.
Parents are not allowed to care for their children at the same time as working so can't request WFH for this but if it was 'my mum cares for the child at home and I'm just around if anything crops up' type of a thing employers might be more accommodating.
I hope you get something sorted and best of luck for your dad.

@Whistlersofskye start with your HR as you have however a lot will depend on his treatment plan. My FIL spent months in hospital receiving chemo as it was too high risk doing it as a day patient and he then had stem cell treatment so was 1 month quarantine.

At the moment you just need them to agree to being reasonable and take it from there once you have the firm plan for treatment.

OP hasn’t clarified but it sounds like her dad is pension age so would be attendance allowance rather than PIP, but OP works full time so UC wouldn’t be payable, and the earning threshold for carers allowance is £196 pw after certain deductions. She would also be expected to provide care for 35+ hours pw.

Ok,so
He will be assessed under Discharge to Assess (Home First) for package of care
care act assessment of eligible needs
liaison with oncology team
Emphasise you work FT

don’t go off work long term, discuss his needs with the inpatient team

Contact MacMillan or your local Maggie’s centre. Sorry to hear about your dad. What a shock x

Is there any way you could reduce your daily hours so you have time to care?

If she does this the local authority will leave her to get on with it. He’ll be eligible for a care package on discharge and the best thing OP can do for him is to allow that to happen and emphasise that her input for care will be minimal because she works full time.

I'm so sorry, OP.

I recently looked after my dad who had terminal cancer. He was also alone and I looked after him alone, too. I worked from home throughout.

Your dad will probably be eligible for attendance allowance, which is about 185 pounds a week, to pay for someone to come in and clean etc. Social services will also come and assess your home so that you can get modifications free. For example, we got the sofa raised as he was having trouble getting up etc.

You might also be eligible for caregiver's allowance.

He might also be eligible for Meals on Wheels.

One hundred percent call Macmillan. I found them very helpful.

I used to batch-cook and then freeze for my dad, portioning things into those tin containers with cardboard lids that you can write on. Shepherd's pie, lasagne, beef casserole, chicken casserole. Apple crumble, too.

He will need lots of calories. I used to make mine mashed potato with cream and butter.

Cancer likes to munch on muscles before fat, so he will need lots of protein,

Sending you hugs xxx I know how difficult this is.

MacMillan were really good during and after my breast cancer diagnosis, and l meant to post about Maggie’s. There was a Maggie’s cafe onsite at the cancer centre and they were an absolute gold mine of information and support.

Sorry to hear about your DF

Carers allowance is a very small amount per month

You do not have to live with the person to claim.
However there is an income threshold.

https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance

However attendance allowance is not means tested, so your DF should apply for this

https://www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance

If she step in reducing hours and income health and social care will leave her to it.
There is no need reduce income he can be offered a Home First package and support

Sorry about your dad. Can you afford to take leave? Caring for a loved one can be all consuming, it’s one thing quietly working away in a corner but another if you have to answer the phone and talk to others.

So sorry to hear that your Dad is sick.

Some of the information on this thread is incorrect. If you want to know the correct legal position you could call the ACAS helpline on 03001231100

Whatever you do you shouldn't take sick leave unless you are actually sick. It's dishonest and you'd risk, at best, losing any goodwill with your employer or, at worst, getting fired. I surprised so many posters have suggested it.

What did your Dad do when he worked? Was he a member of a Union or trade organization that might have some sort of benevolent fund.

Also is he a member of a church? If so might they have volunteers

Unfortunately on MN many posters recommend sick leave,suggest call it stress and advise stay off work
Glibly,they over look sickness absence or impact of a poor sick record
Most GP won’t just sign off long term

You'd be surprised how supportive an employer and your GP can be when you absolutely need them to be. Sick leave to cope with my mum's situation at long distance was exactly what I needed in order to deal with the mental and physical load. I put an extra 5000 miles on my car in 3 months that year.
I'm glad you're not my employer or doctor!

I didn’t mention weeks on end. What would you recommend?

@TimeOffForStressAtHome Read the op, esp the bit about unsupportive employer.
Surprised? I’m more aghast at glib ill thought out MN advice to just go sick,call it stress.A poor sick record can initiate sickness policy and create additional stressor for op
You had a flexible employer. it is not a universal and op has already said her employer is inflexible. So,whilst you had a satisfactory resolution with your employer you must see it isn’t a given for op

GP are meant to be clinically inquisitive and not just write a fit note for stress.
Emplover should discuss their carer policy with op

Discuss appropriate carer leave
Get support for practical tasks
Ask about Home First package of care for dad
Liaise with oncology inpatient team
I can’t see how this is addressed by sickness absence esp,as she said employers are inflexible. She’s not sick, her dad is

You assume the employer has carer leave?

My line report was not fit to work. Their parent was terminally ill. Their GP supplied a fit note.