8 year old - am I being unreasonable? Please help!

[Createausername1234]

Hello,
my soon to be 9 year old struggles to hold down a routine. I have tried reward charts, helping make diary entries, offered sleepovers( her most favourite) if she can hold down a school routine for a week without multiple reminders.
This is what I hope she does and below what she does:
hope:
home at 4:30, a shower and snack - 1 hour
(to also empty school bag, lunch box and hang clothes)
homework/studies - 1 hour
dinner followed by whatever she wants to do

reality:
first 2 -3 hours are spent in uniform playing, followed by multiple reminders for shower and change of clothes.
Then it takes a very long time to eat dinner
followed by multiple reminders to do homework.
She is considered a great child in school by teachers.
My job is also very demanding, so I am finding it very exhausting to be constantly reminding her.
My husband thinks I am a perfectionist(he is way too relaxed in my opinion) I may as well be, please pour in your feedback/advise. Thank you.

Surely it’s normal to have to remind a 9year old to do their homework? I think you have somewhat unrealistic expectations!

Your expectations are unrealistic.

She's 8. I think your DH has it right

What happens if you just let her get on with it? It does all sound a bit rigid, to be honest. And an hour is a lot of homework at 8-is that what the school expects? What tune do you have dinner? And what time does she go to bed?

I'd have those expectations for a 12-13 year old to manage those unprompted. No way at 8. It's not her fault that your job is pressured so you need ti find a way in your family that doesn't place the burden on a child.

You are expecting too much. After school she will need time to relax and play. She is 8 fgs.

Why does she have to have a shower straight after school? Why can't it be before bed? That's surely the time she should be decompressing after being in class all day, having some downtime and a snack and a bit of a play. I'd be dragging my heels too if I was expected to strip off and wash the second I walked in the door.

Wow- I'm with your husband! Unrealistic expectations, let your child have some fun!

I agree with others that it’s probably expecting a bit too much. Yes she needs to do homework etc but after a day of school, she’s probably tired and wants some free play time.
Why not swap the routine around a bit, come home, get changed and play for a while then sit and do homework together? Give her a chance to have a break and unwind a bit before getting straight back into doing work.

I wouldn't want a shower as soon as I got home, your routine seems an odd way around.

How about relax for an hour when they get home, then any homework - just until it's complete, doesn't need to be an hour, then dinner, then free time to
Include shower any time before bed?

She is a child. She is supposed to spend a big chunk of time playing.

Does school really set an hour of home work a night?

I have an 8 year old and that routine sounds dull and unsatisfying. If she doesn't follow it it's because she doesn't actually want to follow it. Let her be after school is my advice.

Good god, unclench! She’s been given orders all day at school. Ask her when she would LIKE a shower. Does she really REALLY need to do an hour of homework a night? That’s more than my 14 year old. She’s got one childhood - let her bloody enjoy it.

Sounds more like a routine for an adult getting home from work

This!!!

She needs decompression time after school. She has been working very hard all day.
Let her decompress and snack.
Maybe she doesn't want a big meal?
And an hours homework sounds too much, especially in one go.

What 8 yr old gets an HOUR of homework 5 days a week?????

I have a 10yr old and only now is she starting to do some of this stuff unprompted. You’re expecting way too much.

Also, at 10 my DC probably only has an hour of homework a week - does your child really need 1hr homework/study a day?

My teens would struggle with that.

Unrealistic, and not even logical. They need time to decompress when they get home, they do not need a shower, that can be done in the morning or wait until the end of the day. No 8 year old need to do an hour of homework a day, and 95% of 8 year olds need reminding to do homework. Chill out and let your kid be a kid

I doubt very much the school are expecting your daughter to do an hour of homework per night. I've never heard of a school expecting that much from an 8 year old. Why is your daughter expected to have a shower as soon as she's home from school? Surely a shower, should be part of her bedtime routine? I have always had the same routine for my son, who is now 14. Home from school - changes out of his uniform - gives me his water bottle/lunchbox - snack/drink - homework. As soon as homework is out the way, his time is his own, until teatime. After tea, he dries up anything that needs doing - own time doing whatever - shower/pyjamas - sits in bed reading until lights out. You are expecting a little much for an 8 year old, and I think you need to perhaps change around your daughter's routine, to something that better suits her.

Does she need a routine? I'd just been picking the essentials to nag about and telling them when dinner will be ready, giving them a reasonable amount of time to eat and then starting clear up. It all sounds too regimented for her and maybe it's backfiring a bit because she's resisting.

Why does a child of that age have to have a strict routine? As long as she does what is required, why worry when or how long?

I have never heard of anyone expecting their child to take a shower when they get home from school.

An hour at 8? Far too much. And showering when in from school why

she is telling you it is - it’s far too much

Poor Kid.