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Original poster

Handhold- this is awful

43 replies

Springishere2025 · 02/03/2025 17:05

In hospital with Dsis. She had a bad accident and has broken her leg pretty bad. Me and DS was there when it happened but I didn't see it when it happened. She's screaming in pain. You can see the bone and where it's snapped but hasn't pierced through.
She's had alot of morphine but still screaming so loud in pain. It's heartbreaking to watch.

She had to move to wee and she was screaming like I've never seen before.
She's got 2 young children and I'm so worried about her MH. She was doing great doing this activity we were doing. It was helping her MH so much. Now she won't be able to drive for months, have to SEN children to look after and I know her MH is going to plummet. She has a partner but he obviously needs to work.

Just so worried for her and its awful to watch her in pain.

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 02/03/2025 17:10

Oh that is really terrible. Your poor sister. I wonder whether they will have to operate on her. Will her partner be able to have any time off work? She needs all the help she can get at the moment. Is anyone in her family able to help?

pictoosh · 02/03/2025 17:12

Massive sympathy to her and to you. I'm sorry this is happening.

Original poster
Springishere2025 · 02/03/2025 19:37

healthybychristmas · 02/03/2025 17:10

Oh that is really terrible. Your poor sister. I wonder whether they will have to operate on her. Will her partner be able to have any time off work? She needs all the help she can get at the moment. Is anyone in her family able to help?

He's self employed so he can't have too much off otherwise he won't get paid.

Well I can help and so can my mum and dad but my parents will moan and say how stressful is it when they should just do it. Her fiances aunt can help with the children now and then. She doesn't have many friends and the ones she does have I don't think would help.

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CaptainFuture · 02/03/2025 19:40

What formal support do the dc have in place?
Can school help with transport mon -Fri?
Where's dad?
You say your parents should 'just do it' but just do what?

Original poster
Springishere2025 · 02/03/2025 19:40

pictoosh · 02/03/2025 17:12

Massive sympathy to her and to you. I'm sorry this is happening.

Thank you.
I know it isn't something else and others could see as just a broken bone but I can't explain how awful it was seeing her in that much pain and not being able to do anything. I wish I could have helped her take the pain away.

She's had to be sedated as they need to reset the bone ASAP because the xray showed the bone was on nerves. They said they would need to operate but not sure now.

I've had to come home as I have my own DS (single parent). I can't stop thinking about it and worrying though.

I love her children but they are really hard work. I really feel for her.

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Original poster
Springishere2025 · 02/03/2025 19:44

CaptainFuture · 02/03/2025 19:40

What formal support do the dc have in place?
Can school help with transport mon -Fri?
Where's dad?
You say your parents should 'just do it' but just do what?

Nephew is at school. Niece is at childminder 4 days. Doubt school would help with transport but could see if there are any options.
Dad is up the hospital with her currently.
He is self employed so can only take so much time off.
I like him but it's usually my Dsis who does everything and he lacks empathy alot. Tbh up the hospital he did look very concerned and upset which I've never seen from him before.
This is why I'm worried about a big decline in her MH again as I'm worried he's going to put pressure on her. He hasn't been good when she's been unwell.

My parents should help. They are able bodied. I was offering to help DM tomorrow morning and she was getting stressed and having a go at me.

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 02/03/2025 20:03

Do you work?

CaptainFuture · 02/03/2025 20:09

Do your parents work? What do you think they should be doing their dad can't?

pastaandpesto · 02/03/2025 20:11

Goodness I'm so sorry. I've had something similar (a very close loved one had a horrible break doing an activity they loved and that had been really helping them with MH). It was heartbreaking seeing them in so much pain.

Your sis should feel a LOT more comfortable once the break is immobilised. Morphine barely touched the sides when the break was still mobile, but once it was immobilised in plaster she felt a lot better. Surgery happened the following day and at no point during her recovery was the pain anywhere near like what it had been in those first few hours.

OrdinaryO888 · 02/03/2025 20:27

Ok deep breaths op.💐 Your poor sister. It’s really terrible that this has happened but you are taking on board all of the worry about her pain, her dc, her dh, your parents’ reaction all at once, as though it is solely your responsibility.

Obviously you may have a key role to play coordinating help, and doing stints yourself, but it might be less panic -inducing to break this situation down in to small steps so it isn’t so overwhelming.

First of all, lthe doctors and nurses will do their jobs and your sister’s pain will settle once they get her leg stabilised, straightened and pinned if necessary. The painkillers they use may ensure that she doesn’t remember a lot of the worst bits so try not to worry too much about that.

Your sister might have access to a school WhatsApp group and I am sure other parents who live nearby might volunteer to bring the dc back and forth to childminder and school with their own dc, once they know about your sister’s situation and then you and your
DM can maybe take turns in the evenings baby-sitting, helping out generally, or by making freezer food.

There are lots of disability aids that can be hired now to help you if you are in a wheelchair or on crutches for a while. I broke my ankle once and found a wheelchair was the best way to look after a small child when on my own.

Finally, your sister’s mh may take a turn for the worse, as it’s a big blow, but you don’t know that for sure yet, and you can encourage her to get mh support if that is a possibility, so try not to panic in advance about things that may not happen 💐

The best thing you can do tonight, once your diss is settled on a ward, and the dc are taken care of, is to take yourself home and have a strong cup of tea and an early night if you can, and try not to take all of the worry on to yourself, as your dsis’s dh is there to do a large part, even if he does so unwillingly! And try and approach things as they come up rather than worry too much in advance. I know this is easier said than done but try and relax a bit tonight if you can.

Good luck op. Your are a good sister and your dsis is lucky to have you batting for her! But try not to take on all of the worry too 💐

Original poster
Springishere2025 · 02/03/2025 20:31

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 02/03/2025 20:03

Do you work?

Yes I do. i could help more on the weeks I don't have my DS

OP posts:
Original poster
Springishere2025 · 02/03/2025 20:33

CaptainFuture · 02/03/2025 20:09

Do your parents work? What do you think they should be doing their dad can't?

My DF does, my DM does not. She can help the most. I just know she's going to stress out and she has high blood pressure herself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Springishere2025 · 02/03/2025 20:34

OrdinaryO888 · 02/03/2025 20:27

Ok deep breaths op.💐 Your poor sister. It’s really terrible that this has happened but you are taking on board all of the worry about her pain, her dc, her dh, your parents’ reaction all at once, as though it is solely your responsibility.

Obviously you may have a key role to play coordinating help, and doing stints yourself, but it might be less panic -inducing to break this situation down in to small steps so it isn’t so overwhelming.

First of all, lthe doctors and nurses will do their jobs and your sister’s pain will settle once they get her leg stabilised, straightened and pinned if necessary. The painkillers they use may ensure that she doesn’t remember a lot of the worst bits so try not to worry too much about that.

Your sister might have access to a school WhatsApp group and I am sure other parents who live nearby might volunteer to bring the dc back and forth to childminder and school with their own dc, once they know about your sister’s situation and then you and your
DM can maybe take turns in the evenings baby-sitting, helping out generally, or by making freezer food.

There are lots of disability aids that can be hired now to help you if you are in a wheelchair or on crutches for a while. I broke my ankle once and found a wheelchair was the best way to look after a small child when on my own.

Finally, your sister’s mh may take a turn for the worse, as it’s a big blow, but you don’t know that for sure yet, and you can encourage her to get mh support if that is a possibility, so try not to panic in advance about things that may not happen 💐

The best thing you can do tonight, once your diss is settled on a ward, and the dc are taken care of, is to take yourself home and have a strong cup of tea and an early night if you can, and try not to take all of the worry on to yourself, as your dsis’s dh is there to do a large part, even if he does so unwillingly! And try and approach things as they come up rather than worry too much in advance. I know this is easier said than done but try and relax a bit tonight if you can.

Good luck op. Your are a good sister and your dsis is lucky to have you batting for her! But try not to take on all of the worry too 💐

Edited

Thank you. I know I'm trying not to worry been a bit of a traumatic day i guess. I'm back home with my DS. He was there at the activity place where it happened and saw he screaming so he's been a bit sad himself bless him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Springishere2025 · 02/03/2025 20:38

pastaandpesto · 02/03/2025 20:11

Goodness I'm so sorry. I've had something similar (a very close loved one had a horrible break doing an activity they loved and that had been really helping them with MH). It was heartbreaking seeing them in so much pain.

Your sis should feel a LOT more comfortable once the break is immobilised. Morphine barely touched the sides when the break was still mobile, but once it was immobilised in plaster she felt a lot better. Surgery happened the following day and at no point during her recovery was the pain anywhere near like what it had been in those first few hours.

I think she's feeling a bit better now they've moved the bone off her nerves. Still waiting to hear if she needs surgery. I really feel fir her because she loved doing this activity. It was such a positive focus in her life for her to have a purpose.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 02/03/2025 20:39

CaptainFuture · 02/03/2025 20:09

Do your parents work? What do you think they should be doing their dad can't?

Their dad is self employed and can't take time off to take care of the children. No work = no money = no food/ roof over their heads.

The grandparents are whingers who are already complaining about the expectation that they should step in.

Sunshineandrainbow · 02/03/2025 20:42

Your poor sister. Lovely that you care so deeply for her.
Hope she recovers well.

Gymmum82 · 02/03/2025 20:44

Similar happened to a friend of mine. She was hit by a car though. She had a massive frame on her leg for months to hold all the bones in place. Even now 2 years on it’s not the same. Hopefully not as severe for your sister. My friend was in hospital for weeks. Your mum will have to step up and help her otherwise they will really struggle

OrdinaryO888 · 02/03/2025 20:45

Springishere2025 · 02/03/2025 20:34

Thank you. I know I'm trying not to worry been a bit of a traumatic day i guess. I'm back home with my DS. He was there at the activity place where it happened and saw he screaming so he's been a bit sad himself bless him.

Show quote history

Oh your poor ds op! That must have been very unsettling for him. And all v stressful for you!

I can see why you are worried if grandparents are whingers and bil unable or unwilling to step up.

That doesn’t mean that it’s your sole responsibility to fill all of the gaps though op! The others will have to do their bit. You may have to put some firm boundaries in place and buy some ear phones to block out the grumbling! 😀. and insist that everyone does their fair share.

Original poster
Springishere2025 · 02/03/2025 20:48

mathanxiety · 02/03/2025 20:39

Their dad is self employed and can't take time off to take care of the children. No work = no money = no food/ roof over their heads.

The grandparents are whingers who are already complaining about the expectation that they should step in.

Show quote history

Yep this isn't nothing new from parents. My DM will help but will make it known to everyone how stressed she is and will snap and moan. Then you end up feeling bad that she's helping which is not what Dsis needs atm

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MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 02/03/2025 21:01

Could you have a quiet word with your mum and suggest that “it’s important we all stay positive and keep it as low stress as possible for Dsis sake so she makes as quick recovery and bounces back mentally because it’s going to be tough on her. I know it will mean some sacrifice but it’s not about us”. Or words to that effect? It might shut her up a bit, especially if you get your dad on side a bit? Same message for her partner who sounds miserable.

i hope your sister recovers soon, and you sound like a lovely person. Give your son and yourself a gentle hug this evening x

Original poster
Springishere2025 · 02/03/2025 21:02

Gymmum82 · 02/03/2025 20:44

Similar happened to a friend of mine. She was hit by a car though. She had a massive frame on her leg for months to hold all the bones in place. Even now 2 years on it’s not the same. Hopefully not as severe for your sister. My friend was in hospital for weeks. Your mum will have to step up and help her otherwise they will really struggle

Oh no your poor friend! I'm not entirely sure what's happening atm. I know they reset the bone and she was awaiting another xray. Still waiting for an update from her fiance

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Sassybooklover · 02/03/2025 22:25

Could adult social care help with your Sister? So she has someone come in 3 times per day to help with washing, dressing, making breakfast, lunch etc. It would take some of the stress off your sister's husband and your Mum. It might only be for a certain period of time, but any help is better than no help.

healthybychristmas · 02/03/2025 22:33

When you go to the hospital you might need to speak with your sister and the nurses and ask about help from social workers for the children. It sounds as though your sister won't be able to look after them very easily on her own for a while.

lifeturnsonadime · 02/03/2025 22:39

So where is she now? Presumably she's in a trauma ward and awaiting surgery?

I had a similar compound fracture recovery whilst caring for two of my sen kids at home.

If she can't manage the kids then you need to contact social services to ask for respite type of support.

She needs all of the possible aides, they often send you home just with crutches which are useless to be honest.

I had a kitchen kneeler, a zimmer frame and all sorts from the hospital as they recognised I was also supporting family.

Original poster
Springishere2025 · 02/03/2025 22:43

Sassybooklover · 02/03/2025 22:25

Could adult social care help with your Sister? So she has someone come in 3 times per day to help with washing, dressing, making breakfast, lunch etc. It would take some of the stress off your sister's husband and your Mum. It might only be for a certain period of time, but any help is better than no help.

Could see if this is an option how would I go about finding out about this?

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