Work after mat leave

Job2Do · 2025-03-02T16:23:51+00:00

This is more me just wondering as I have a few decisions to make. I’m due back soon and said pre mat leave I didn’t want to come back to my exact job before. I’d done it for too long and I was getting bored. So now I’m returning (it’s a very very large organisation) I can essentially apply for a few different roles in the organisation. Work have been really really brilliant and supportive. I live in London and everyone I know has gone back full time! I wondered what sort of arrangement others did when coming back? Did you go back full time? One of the roles that most interests me unfortunately can only be done full time from the office and requires tonnes of international travel. It’s because it’s in a team that works with other countries. Which may be hard with 2 DC! My husband’s role also is full time from the office with tonnes of travel too. I guess I’m thinking everything through and wondered what everyone else did. FYI I don’t think there’s a right or wrong, everyone can do what suits them but I’m curious (aka let’s not make this a working mom v SAHM thread!)

rubyslippers · 02/03/2025 16:25

You need exceptional childcare - what are your plans for that?
if you both need to travel you’ll need a nanny
i have worked FT the whole way through and it’s a juggle but can be done, especially if you have the resources and a good partner

slidingsideways · 02/03/2025 16:28

I was planning on going back about 4 days a week ( need the money ) and work agreed to some flexible working, but my boss asked me if I'd consider doing full time over 4 days. She said in her experience she had ended up doing the full time job when she was part time so decided might as well get paid for it. So far (about 9 months in) it's going ok but I do have the occasional mini meltdown, a little cry and buy a lottery ticket as I can't see any other ways to make things work!

Remember whatever you decide it doesn't have to be set in stone forever, you can always ask to adjust things if your work life balance isn't quite working. What does your husband think about the new role with lots of travel, and do you have family who could support during those times?

Motheranddaughter · 02/03/2025 16:31

Not in London but in a big Legal firm
Went back 3 days
Right drama rama about it ( (first solicitor in company to go pt ) but I stuck to my guns and said it was that or nothing and eventually they agreed
Worked brilliantly for me ,definitely best of both worlds
Good luck with your decision
Hard for you both to have the type of jobs you are describing,but no reason why only you should take a backward step

Original poster

Job2Do · 02/03/2025 16:35

Motheranddaughter · 02/03/2025 16:31

Not in London but in a big Legal firm
Went back 3 days
Right drama rama about it ( (first solicitor in company to go pt ) but I stuck to my guns and said it was that or nothing and eventually they agreed
Worked brilliantly for me ,definitely best of both worlds
Good luck with your decision
Hard for you both to have the type of jobs you are describing,but no reason why only you should take a backward step

Thank you so much for this and the other replies. In real life my friends work in v diff industries/mainly from home so it helped having your perspective! I’m not a lawyer but a very similar sector. All of my colleagues either went to part time (but not so much roles I wanted to do) or didn’t return.

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Original poster

Job2Do · 02/03/2025 16:35

rubyslippers · 02/03/2025 16:25

You need exceptional childcare - what are your plans for that?
if you both need to travel you’ll need a nanny
i have worked FT the whole way through and it’s a juggle but can be done, especially if you have the resources and a good partner

Thank you! Yes we will have a brilliant nanny. How did you find the juggle?

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rubyslippers · 02/03/2025 18:58

exhausting
hamster wheel like especially when kids are very young
worth it - I’m out the other side now and no regrets

Outsource everything you can - cleaning, gardening wtc
Be ruthlessly organised
prioritise time for you - every week. I was rubbish at this
your DH needs to pull his weight

Original poster

Job2Do · 02/03/2025 19:34

rubyslippers · 02/03/2025 18:58

exhausting
hamster wheel like especially when kids are very young
worth it - I’m out the other side now and no regrets

Outsource everything you can - cleaning, gardening wtc
Be ruthlessly organised
prioritise time for you - every week. I was rubbish at this
your DH needs to pull his weight

Edited

Thank you for this. I have a really supporting DH but his job is more full on than mine actually! Now you’re out the other side do you have any regrets? Edited to add - what did you do for childcare? Nanny?

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rubyslippers · 02/03/2025 19:49

Job2Do · 02/03/2025 19:34

Thank you for this. I have a really supporting DH but his job is more full on than mine actually! Now you’re out the other side do you have any regrets? Edited to add - what did you do for childcare? Nanny?

Edited

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I had a nanny and then was lucky enough to have au pairs (not really an option nowadays thanks to brexit)
Used holiday childminders
I had no regular support from grandparents but some ad hoc school holiday days from them, so I paid pretty much for FT childcare for years
No significant regrets - I am pleased to have kept up my career, pension / NI contributions, huge job satisfaction etc
if it works for your family, go for it
if it doesn’t work, you can change it
Nothing is set in stone

Original poster

Job2Do · 02/03/2025 20:32

rubyslippers · 02/03/2025 19:49

I had a nanny and then was lucky enough to have au pairs (not really an option nowadays thanks to brexit)
Used holiday childminders
I had no regular support from grandparents but some ad hoc school holiday days from them, so I paid pretty much for FT childcare for years
No significant regrets - I am pleased to have kept up my career, pension / NI contributions, huge job satisfaction etc
if it works for your family, go for it
if it doesn’t work, you can change it
Nothing is set in stone

Edited

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Thank you for being so kind and useful. I’m glad it all worked out for you and your DC. You go girl!

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SErunner · 02/03/2025 20:48

You need a lot of money and as pp said, to outsource everything so you can have a bit of enjoyment alongside the chaos. Comprehensive childcare at high cost with people you can 100% rely on. And a husband that fairly shares the practical and mental load. Then it sounds like it might be doable! I went back full time after 6 months to a very busy long hours job but no international travel. It's been hard and the first 12 months we're punishing, but it has got easier as time has gone on. About to start the rollercoaster all over again! Good luck.

Original poster

Job2Do · 02/03/2025 20:49

SErunner · 02/03/2025 20:48

You need a lot of money and as pp said, to outsource everything so you can have a bit of enjoyment alongside the chaos. Comprehensive childcare at high cost with people you can 100% rely on. And a husband that fairly shares the practical and mental load. Then it sounds like it might be doable! I went back full time after 6 months to a very busy long hours job but no international travel. It's been hard and the first 12 months we're punishing, but it has got easier as time has gone on. About to start the rollercoaster all over again! Good luck.

Thank you so much for replying! Good luck upon your return. Apart from a brilliant nanny and cleanser, anything else you suggest?

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SErunner · 02/03/2025 20:53

Depends on your house/garden situation and budget. We couldn't afford to outsource much but a big thing I would outsource if I could would be garden maintenance. It makes me sad we can't keep ours as nice as I'd like, as we just don't have the time.

Candledrip · 02/03/2025 20:54

In my experience mums only go full time if they’re skint or not enjoying motherhood

SErunner · 02/03/2025 20:57

Candledrip · 02/03/2025 20:54

In my experience mums only go full time if they’re skint or not enjoying motherhood

Really?! What a reductive view on women and work?!

Original poster

Job2Do · 02/03/2025 20:57

Candledrip · 02/03/2025 20:54

In my experience mums only go full time if they’re skint or not enjoying motherhood

That may be your experience but certainly not true for me.

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Parker231 · 02/03/2025 20:58

Candledrip · 02/03/2025 20:54

In my experience mums only go full time if they’re skint or not enjoying motherhood

I don’t know anyone who didn’t return full time - they have careers they enjoy and want to progress.

After DT’s were born, financially I didn’t need to return to work. I love DT’s to bits but wanted to continue with my career - I’d worked hard to get to the stage I was at. I was lucky to have a supportive DH who ensured we juggled his career and mine with raising DT’s.

Original poster

Job2Do · 02/03/2025 21:01

Parker231 · 02/03/2025 20:58

I don’t know anyone who didn’t return full time - they have careers they enjoy and want to progress.

After DT’s were born, financially I didn’t need to return to work. I love DT’s to bits but wanted to continue with my career - I’d worked hard to get to the stage I was at. I was lucky to have a supportive DH who ensured we juggled his career and mine with raising DT’s.

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Sounds great for you :). I’m glad you enjoyed going back. Always sad when people try and derail threads with comments about working parents!

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TheRossie123 · 02/03/2025 21:01

Job2Do · 02/03/2025 20:49

Thank you so much for replying! Good luck upon your return. Apart from a brilliant nanny and cleanser, anything else you suggest?

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I also work in London in a big organisation and commute from home county. I went back after 2 DC full time but flexible over 4 days. I worked from home 2 days per week and went to London 2 ‘long days’ per week. i would not have been able to do the traditional 9-5 with 5 day commute like it used to. My DH job has irregular hours so I generally did most of the drops offs / pick ups.
in reality, although flexible the ‘true’ hours were a total stress. I ended up running out of time for pick ups on the days I worked from
home so then had to carry on working when kids were in bed. My work phone was constantly ringing when I had picked up the kids, always something urgent to try and manage (but somehow tried to manage that around bedtime or first thing next day). The stress home on the trains from London was tricky, trying to make sure I could get back in time. Then, not to mention to manage when kids were sick.

im on mat leave again with baby3 and it stresses me to even think about it. I want the career and I want to be a present mum, my career is sacrificed and I guess I wouldn’t have it any other way. TBH it’s so hard being a working mum. I’m considering leaving my job to start some where fresh and where k haven’t invested all my time and effort, thereby I don’t get the guilt from work. But then again I keep thinking better the devil you know….

VictoriaMum323 · 02/03/2025 21:03

Hi @Job2Do go for it - apply and see what happens. If you’re too stretched you can make changes. These job opportunities don’t come around every day

Original poster

Job2Do · 02/03/2025 21:04

TheRossie123 · 02/03/2025 21:01

I also work in London in a big organisation and commute from home county. I went back after 2 DC full time but flexible over 4 days. I worked from home 2 days per week and went to London 2 ‘long days’ per week. i would not have been able to do the traditional 9-5 with 5 day commute like it used to. My DH job has irregular hours so I generally did most of the drops offs / pick ups.
in reality, although flexible the ‘true’ hours were a total stress. I ended up running out of time for pick ups on the days I worked from
home so then had to carry on working when kids were in bed. My work phone was constantly ringing when I had picked up the kids, always something urgent to try and manage (but somehow tried to manage that around bedtime or first thing next day). The stress home on the trains from London was tricky, trying to make sure I could get back in time. Then, not to mention to manage when kids were sick.

im on mat leave again with baby3 and it stresses me to even think about it. I want the career and I want to be a present mum, my career is sacrificed and I guess I wouldn’t have it any other way. TBH it’s so hard being a working mum. I’m considering leaving my job to start some where fresh and where k haven’t invested all my time and effort, thereby I don’t get the guilt from work. But then again I keep thinking better the devil you know….

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Thank you for sharing! Mine would have to be 100% in office. Perhaps can log in in the evening but during the day physically in the office (I live in London too).

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Original poster

Job2Do · 02/03/2025 21:14

VictoriaMum323 · 02/03/2025 21:03

Hi @Job2Do go for it - apply and see what happens. If you’re too stretched you can make changes. These job opportunities don’t come around every day

That’s exactly what I was thinking. This role in particular has never come in my career and now it has!

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TheRossie123 · 02/03/2025 21:17

Job2Do · 02/03/2025 21:04

Thank you for sharing! Mine would have to be 100% in office. Perhaps can log in in the evening but during the day physically in the office (I live in London too).

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100% office is a tricky one…
I guess you need to think about do you still want to push your career and are you ok with extra childcare. Or do you want to be around with your kids in their younger years and may be not put as much focus on your work, perhaps when at school you could go back to your career. Both are absolutely fine and it’s just what is best for your family.

I have tried to do both and found it impossible. I burnt out. I consider myself to be a perfectionist at work and it just drove me mad not being able to put more time into my work like I used to v trying to be around for my children as much as I could. I have come to the conclusion that I don’t think I can have the full time career and be the full time mum. You also need space for your own time and time with your husband too. Look up Anna Mathur, Psychotherapist she has loads of advice on this, I found it quite helpful.

Original poster

Job2Do · 02/03/2025 21:20

TheRossie123 · 02/03/2025 21:17

100% office is a tricky one…
I guess you need to think about do you still want to push your career and are you ok with extra childcare. Or do you want to be around with your kids in their younger years and may be not put as much focus on your work, perhaps when at school you could go back to your career. Both are absolutely fine and it’s just what is best for your family.

I have tried to do both and found it impossible. I burnt out. I consider myself to be a perfectionist at work and it just drove me mad not being able to put more time into my work like I used to v trying to be around for my children as much as I could. I have come to the conclusion that I don’t think I can have the full time career and be the full time mum. You also need space for your own time and time with your husband too. Look up Anna Mathur, Psychotherapist she has loads of advice on this, I found it quite helpful.

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Thank you, I’ll look her up. So much to think about. This job actually is the same level so career wise isn’t that progressive - it’s just something I’ve always always wanted to work on in a team I essentially joined this company to work in! Mega confusion.

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blackbadger · 02/03/2025 21:21

I went back full time, and a 4 day in the office and 1 day wfh. Home to Nursery to work was an hour.
Honestly it's been full on and a struggle. We have no family help.
DH has a full on job too, in office full time but he has flexibility when needed.
My advice would be to go for it and it's not a permanent decision - every decision can be temporary.
We outsource cleaning, gardening, dog walks.
We've been incredibly lucky that our daughter loves nursery and I know it would be very different had she not!
My advice would be to not take to heart what other people think. I only knew of one other mum who went back to work full time. My MIL called me cruel!

Original poster

Job2Do · 02/03/2025 21:23

blackbadger · 02/03/2025 21:21

I went back full time, and a 4 day in the office and 1 day wfh. Home to Nursery to work was an hour.
Honestly it's been full on and a struggle. We have no family help.
DH has a full on job too, in office full time but he has flexibility when needed.
My advice would be to go for it and it's not a permanent decision - every decision can be temporary.
We outsource cleaning, gardening, dog walks.
We've been incredibly lucky that our daughter loves nursery and I know it would be very different had she not!
My advice would be to not take to heart what other people think. I only knew of one other mum who went back to work full time. My MIL called me cruel!

Thank you. All of my mum friends went back full time but very different industries and flexibility and hours. No one I know in my industry went back full time. We’d have to do a nanny because I’d be in the office from around 9-7 each day, so wouldn’t make it back for pick up. Sooo much to think about but like you say no decision is perm.

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