Work after mat leave

[Job2Do]

This is more me just wondering as I have a few decisions to make. I’m due back soon and said pre mat leave I didn’t want to come back to my exact job before. I’d done it for too long and I was getting bored. So now I’m returning (it’s a very very large organisation) I can essentially apply for a few different roles in the organisation. Work have been really really brilliant and supportive.

I live in London and everyone I know has gone back full time! I wondered what sort of arrangement others did when coming back? Did you go back full time? One of the roles that most interests me unfortunately can only be done full time from the office and requires tonnes of international travel. It’s because it’s in a team that works with other countries. Which may be hard with 2 DC! My husband’s role also is full time from the office with tonnes of travel too.

I guess I’m thinking everything through and wondered what everyone else did.

FYI I don’t think there’s a right or wrong, everyone can do what suits them but I’m curious (aka let’s not make this a working mom v SAHM thread!)

I totally see your predicament. Im sure you have already considered asking for flexible working even though it’s 100% office based. You never know they could be able to sort something out for you if they are supportive….
You don’t have to state in your application what hours etc you want. You could figure that out once appointed and they can’t judge you on that. Good luck.

I always wanted to return part time after having DC, initially 4 days per week after DS1 thinking I could do it all, have a senior level role, be a good mum, clean house, eat well, exercise and have a bit of a life from time to time. I was so wrong! The balance for me was totally off and I felt like I wasn't doing anything well. Luckily a sideways move came up that allowed me to drop to 3 long days per week. I moved roles and have stayed on 3 long days ever since, went on mat leave again with DS2. I'm currently on mat leave with DS3 and plan to drop to 3 standard days as I don't think I can do the long days without burning out. I'm also so aware that my boys will only be this young once and I don't want to look back and regret working too much in this time so I've made peace with the fact that my career isn't going to progress right now and that's ok, there are a lot of working years ahead for me when my boys are grown. Not sure if that helps but that's my story!

I also could have written this! I have no idea what the balance will like with 3. In my false bubble here in maternity leave, laundry is kept up to date, house clean (well with 3 kids standard!), still no me time but have lovely 1;1s with my boys.
Luckily I still have another 6-8 months to figure it out but it certainly makes me feel sick to think about the juggle right now. I have total baby brain too atm.

What claptrap

Went back 4 days a week, ideally would have wanted 3 but it’s not the right role for that.
killed myseld doing 5 days work in 4 and only getting 80% pay.
felt like a shit mum, missed my kid. Did it for a year and became a sahm

@Motheranddaughteragreed @Candledrip what a load of rubbish. Some people have some very skilled jobs that have taken a lot of qualifications to achieve. It becomes a sense of who you are.
Some women work full time to a) get a sense of themselves back (this doesn’t mean they dislike motherhood) and b) to maintain their skill or it will be lost in a competitive world out there.
I don’t think I have come across any mother who dislikes motherhood.

That’s really helpful, it’s so useful to have everyone’s perspectives. Let’s see how it goes!

Thanks for this. Her comment was really not needed especially when I knew someone would make an unnecessary comment and gave a warning in my first post 😂 - classic mumsnet.

I went back full time. The children went to nursery, and my partner and I juggled life between us. Both of us took time working overseas, but just made sure that we didn’t schedule it together. On the times we worked together (only twice and for a few days), we paid a friend to move in and look after the children. It was hard work as we didn’t have a nanny, but it worked for us. We did equal amounts of time off if the children were ill, took it in turns for clubs, and just both pulled our weight. The key for us was making sure that neither of us had the “big important job” attitude. It helps that we got paid about the same amount.

If you're anything like me you'll get mum guilt whatever you do so do whatever feels right to you!

Ha yes we sound very similar! If I didn’t take the job I’d regret it and feel I wasn’t setting a good example. If I did I’d regret it and say I’m not spending enough time with my DC. So each side I’d have issues with!!

I've been back a few months after my second in a pretty full on London job. I don't know if this is a possibility with your work, but what has really helped is two days a week working from home, and they have also agreed flexible core office working hours recently for all employees. Means I can leave the office at 4pm if I have no meetings that day, as long as I log on later and work. In reality I was doing that anyway as we have clients around the world. But it makes a huge difference to have that flexibility, to get back and pick up the children early from nursery, have that time with them, have dinner with them, and have a relaxed time with them before bed. The logging on after bedtime eats into relaxation time and time with my partner and feels tough sometimes, but I love that we have the flexibility to be with the children. I've noticed more friends getting to make these arrangements while working full time recently, so just mentioning in case it's something you can negotiate.

The travel can be harder, we have a family diary we are constantly checking and making sure someone is around. But we just use nursery, don't have a cleaner, or gardener, or help. I must say also, pre children I probably took trips that weren't essential. Now I am more ruthless about whether it's essential, whether it's a deal we actually want to do etc before committing.

It's really not easy, we are often very tired, I sometimes feel like I'm failing at work. I'm still breastfeeding my one year old. It has felt uncomfortable for both me and my partner to negotiate this with work and it's still on a trial basis on the condition we meet our income targets. But so far for me it has been worth it

I had the same dilemma when I applied for a promotion between DS2&3. I actually withdrew as I figured my kids won't care about the example I set career-wise while they are this young but they do care about spending time with me and having fun. It's so hard being a mum, dad's don't have this trouble!

This is so so so useful and sounds so rewarding yet difficult. Unfortunately WFH is not at all going to be an option given the industry and role I’m in. Covid was hard enough and they’re really pushing 5 days a week back. And I wouldn’t really be able to do the role properly from home.

@Job2Do ah I'm so sorry. It's really tricky. Mine is a mostly wanting people in five days a week industry but they have reluctantly agreed some of this on a trial basis (for me and for others both male and female). They don't allow part time work. Or compressed hours as ultimately we have no cap on working hours in our contracts. My partner has received huge pushback on office days (similar to you I think, they want him) but they have agreed to the flexibility. A lot of his is face to face work, but they let him leave a little earlier if no meetings after 4pm.

I think it probably has damaged our prospects somewhat in pushing for this, but they have agreed it for now. I've seen a lot of other people manage to get this in industries you wouldn't expect.

The new job sounds very exciting!