Do you ever just pretend not to see people in the street?

[Beabadoobiedoo]

I do this all the time. Quite often, I see people I recognise and just pretend I haven't seen them. When they're gone, I wonder why I even did that. It's such a gut response! I always think I won't do that again but surely enough I do. Even when it's someone I like. Sometimes I manage a hello but find it a bit painful, like, will I need to stop? How close do they need to get before I say anything? Do I just stare at them as they're walking towards me? Anyone else like this? I swear I'm not horrible.

Yes! I do it frequently. I've even done it with family members 🤭 (not parents or anything !)

I think for me it's because we're trained to be 'polite' and I'm naturally a bit of a people pleaser so I feel the need (usually in my tired weary state ) to put on a big grin and enthusiastically ask them how they are and stand there grinning and nodding whilst they talk, and actually that 'act' exhausts me. I do generally hate small talk with a passion. And I don't wish to delve any deeper whilst I'm in a supermarket or such like. In my head I'm itching to close the superficial conversation to a halt.

I always attract "talkers" too! (Probably the people pleasing!) So you bump into 'Carolyn' in Tesco that you used to work with on your Saturday job years ago and get "did I tell you I'd 'ad me op?" (My knuckles are white on the trolley handle by this point) My brain is saying "just say fucking yes ! It'll end the convo!" Then the people pleasing leaks out spontaneously and painfully gives in, "oh....no...I didn't know you'd had an op? " ... Cue the whole god dam fricking story. The devil inside me is rolling his eyes and has lit up a cigarette!

I should be more blunt. But I'm crap at it. So I take the cowards way out and pretend I haven't seen bloody 'carolyn' (fabricated character!) or anyone else for that matter ! I hope that makes sense to someone out there ! 😁

It doesn't have to be mindless chitchat. Just smile and hello and walk on with purpose.

To be honest though, rushing on with a quick hello without saying anything more, is just as rude. Worse, really.

Saying a quick hi, sorry must rush, I'm busy - more rude - its saying I recognise you but I can't be bothered to speak to you.

I normally say hello and maybe a small wave but I have all the anxiety about when to make eye and contact smile etc, should I pretend not to notice them initially and how far away I should be when saying hello - I probably look like a total buffoon. I think I am the opposite of some posters in that I spot people from too far away!

I have also done the dreaded supermarket aisle avoidance thing to try not to repeatedly bump into someone! I do also hate it when neighbours say hello when I am putting out the bins as I am usually not suitably dressed and also it’s embarrassing somehow - maybe they will judge the quantity or smelliness of rubbish/ wheelie bin!

I don't think it's rude to say you're on your way somewhere . They are only after a chat, but sometimes we do need to be somewhere important. You're just guarding your boundaries and your time which is not rudeness it's self respect. And that way they won't wonder if you upset with them.

I'm talking about friends and neighbours of course not chuggers or panhandlers. I do give to homeless charities and big issue but panhandling is something I don't have time for.

I think deliberately blanking someone, if they can see you do it, is much ruder.

No, it's saying you're in a rush. My bus goes twice an hour, I might be rushing out to get something at the shop before a meeting...could be a million things.

how can you think that's rude but blanking isn't?

@Boodahh "Saying a quick hi, sorry must rush, I'm busy - more rude - it's saying I recognise you but I can't be bothered to speak to you."

It really isn't. It's saying you're in a rush. Blanking someone is so rude.

It's being honest and direct. Boundaries feel rude when you first learning to practice them, but I think it's much kinder to be direct, so that person know where they stand am don't worry they've offended you. I am a bit of a people pleaser myself and I need to get better at being more direct and open.

I will say Hi to someone I know if we meet eye contact. Often though, I'm in my own world and get face blindness and just don't really look at people. I'm aware this comes across as rude but I'm often thinking about the million things I need to do that I don't register faces. I get nudges in the shop from someone I'm stood next to that I know and I haven't even registered who they are other than a nearby person. I'm constantly apologising that I didn't spot them.

Yes I do.
I’ve deliberately started looking at things in shops so that I don’t catch up with people.

I only pretend not to see someone if I don't like them. Unless I'm in a rush I'm happy to stop and chat or at least say hello.

For the record I'm not an extrovert, I just like seeing friends/neighbours when I'm out and about and catching up.

Yes did it in Morrisons tonight. Started to go down an ailse and saw the person. Went to another ailse and went to that one later.

You're doing them a favour ,they don't want to stop to make small talk with you either

Yes, I do this all the time. I keep bumping into women I worked with about 15 years ago. They're all nice enough but I never really got to know them outside work and I have no idea what to say to them, so end up saying that yes, I'm well, and agreeing that it's been cold/wet/windy etc etc. I'm always amazed when people ask after DH or my dch. I either say that they too are fine , or feel I have to give chapter and verse about what my dch are up to, which feels like a waste of everyone's time, and then feel obliged to ask about their family, who I have zero interest in. So I do avoid people, yes.

Literally all the time. Sometimes if they haven’t seen me I will cross the street in hopes I defo wont bump into them. I’m a bit socially awkward these days. My social battery is fried… did all of that when I was younger.

I do this A LOT😳and it's about me not anyone else. It is mood dependent. People who know me well would consider me very very sociable, but if alone or with my partner I very often avoid small talk.

I'm glad I'm not the only one phew!

Yeah I do this too. I hate small talk and can’t be fucked talking to people. I live in the arse end of nowhere but there’s a 5k walk everyone does. Sometimes I meet the same person twice. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Sometimes I pretend to be on the phone.

There ars a lot of moody people on this thread.

Eurgh! And that moment when you think it can't get any worse , and the glasses come down from the head and on to the end of the nose and out comes the dreaded phone.... You're in for a 'grandchildren' in their Halloween costumes spam from some woman you worked with 10years ago 😱

I love children - but I'm only really interested in my own! sorry not sorry

No really but I find it hard to recognise people out of their or mine normal setting so if I see a school parent at the shops it takes me ages to work out where I know them from and by then they have probably walked past me wondering why I look weird

It’s worse in a shop as you are ‘caged’ whereas in the street you often have chance to divert.

I do too 🙈

Constantly, I tend to shop in our local Tescos and being a longstanding local HCP I inevitably bump into lots of patients, mostly ex patients because I’m pretty much retired.
I they do manage to corner me I just say I don’t have my glasses on. I wear contacts but they have only ever seen me with glasses so I get away with it.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that Mumsnet is not real life.