Hen night and not drinking

[Microbantime]

I have a hen coming up. It’s a day thing with activities and then dinner. I was quite ill in December and haven’t had a drink since. I just seem to have completely gone off it. There will be 16 of us at dinner so I suspect drinks will be flowing. How do you tackle the bill. Should I just pipe up that I am on soft drinks? I don’t mean to be a Scrooge but the restaurant is known for cocktails at £15 a time. We are an older crowd so somewhat sensible just I do suspect a large bill at the end of the evening.

At a place like that a mocktail will likely be £7.95. If the extra £15 to £20 were that much of an issue for me, I'd probably swerve the dinner rather than show myself up

Have you got a group WhatsApp? If so say cause you’ve been ill you’re not drinking atm so will just pay for your food before the bill gets split.

Can’t you just pay for your own?

@RosesAndHellebores if I’m not drinking alcohol I’m happy with tap water. I sure as shit ain’t paying £8 for some squash 😆

You may not be the only one not drinking.

Contact the person organising the night and ask them the question. Restaurants can do separate drinks tabs for large groups.

You sound an absolute charmer.

Can you pay for your own drinks at the bar and then request a separate food/alcohol bill for the rest of the table? Some places have alcohol free cocktails at a significant discount, and some not that much. One place I was at recently the alcohol free cocktails were £12 vs £15ish. I'd say in advance in the group chat, rather than on the night, so you can decide as a group what the best thing to do is. You might not be the only non-drinker and other people might have reasons for wanting a separate bill too, and trying to coordinate that in a group of 16 in a restaurant is much harder than on WhatsApp.

Ask for a separate bill for your food and drinks. Very reasonable to not want to fund everyone else's cocktails. Give them a heads up on the group that that's what you will be doing.

One of my pet hates is group meals and expectations to split the bill and pay for other people’s choices of expensive food and drink. I don’t drink alcohol and find a pint of soft drink lasted throughout the meal and also had the free tap water with ice. When I was younger, before I was married and had my own family I used to go out a lot with a group who always split the bill. They were not all my friends btw they were friends and friends of friends which annoyed the hell out of me as it was obvious some of the friends of friends were taking advantage. It was always the same culprits. In the end, My way of dealing with it was getting up to leave before everyone else and paying for my own😆
Going forward from there, I think an honest discussion up front before ordering is best as I think most people don’t want to split and pay for what isn’t theirs.

Thanks. The group WhatsApp might be the answer actually. I can tackle it before we head out and you are right, I might not be the only one. I will be contributing towards the brides meal and drinks. I don’t mind that at all.

@RosesAndHellebores who am I meant to be charming? (Confused?)
if I’m not drinking alcohol I always prefer a jug of tap water on the table.
You’re not obliged to drink mocktails just because they serve them.

Sure as shit you ain't.
Presumably you are being ironic.

This makes no sense!? Are you a troll? 🤣

@OneToThree I too don't see the appeal of paying so much for non alcoholic squash, I'd rather stick to water and have an extra food course!

Yes because everyone is only going to have one or two cocktails . In reality with cocktails and wine, the difference is likely to be £30-40 easily, more if OP - like me - doesn't drink non alcoholic cocktails.

If not paying £40 extra is showing myself up, then I am all for it.

I would just wait to the night, you have no idea how much your items will be vs someone else. Someone might have a less expensive meal and one glass if wine which could be less than you having an extra side and a mocktail. It’s got nothing to do with alcohol.

With it being a hen do of 16 @Completelyjo i think it might be all about the alcohol 😆

I’d not drink a mocktail. I would have water or Diet Coke. 15 people at £15 a cocktail (minimum) x say 3 each is £675 - that’s going to be roughly £45 per person just on drinks. Thats just a basic calculation. There could be wine on the table or even Prosecco.

I would just pay an equal share,but if you don’t want to then raise it on the group chat

I wouldn't leave it to the night. I think it's a great idea to raise it now.
If you're driving you could say you needed to leave early and pay your share of the bill directly to someone before you leave. That way it's done and dusted before they split out the rest.

Definitely suggest splitting booze and food bills.
That's just sensible anyway and you could remind them on the night too. You could throw in a tenner for your soft drinks and then they split the rest.

I'm a drinker and I would expect this for a big group.

Very very unlikely people will have one cocktail over the course of a group meal, it’s not showing yourself up to not cover other people’s expensive drinks - there’s no need to be such a people pleaser in these situations and, if I was someone drinking I’d actually be happier someone spoke up in advance than feel they needed to subsidise my choices.

I know what you mean about overpriced squash. I've tried loads of mocktails, ever hopeful, and they all taste like watery Robinson's.

I agree actually! The non alcoholic choices are usually sugary, or sweetened shit.

I wish bars were more thoughtful about alcohol free drinks. I’d love to see kombucha, or maybe CBD drinks, rather than the usual dull offerings.

🤢 mocktails! Not for me either. I always go for lemonade and lime cordial if I’m not drinking or water.

OP, I’ve think you’ve settled on the idea to speak to the group before attending, which sounds like the most sensible solution. Personally, I wouldn’t think it was odd if someone drinking water didn’t contribute towards a hefty drinks bill. I’d find it odd if they did tbh.