How to be okay with living an introvert life as an extrovert

[LadyInRainbow]

I’m really struggling with loneliness.

My kids are teens now so my need for a high amount of social contact isn’t met through them anymore, I work from home, and I’ve realised most of my friends (probably more like acquaintances) were very circumstantial and drift away back to their real friends now we no longer have a reason to see each other through kids, activities, etc.

I don’t know how to make friends as I probably come on a bit strong due to neediness or I make friends related to an activity but then when that stops they go back to older friendships and I’ve been burnt so many times I don’t even want to try anymore.

So how do you cope being an extrovert who sees very few people?

Hi OP

Is there an activity you can think of that’s a bit more “jolly” than just going to the gym, for instance? I think you would be more likely to find like minded people doing that! Maybe something like a walking group or litter picking, where you need to get stuck in and it’s not a half hour’s worth of chitchat. The garden volunteers at our local stately home are a nice bunch - would that appeal?

Hope you find something.

A choir? A dog? A volunteer role?

Hello. Have you considered volunteering? It’s a nice way to meet new people and there’s loads of different roles you could help out with. You might be suited to a fundraising role if you’re an extrovert. It’s a lovely way to feel part of something outside paid employment and make a difference to people’s lives. Craft groups are popular where I live. If you haven’t any near you, you could start your own. Craft groups are quite intimate and welcoming. Ladies circle groups might be of interest to you too. I WFH too and I don’t have friends like I did when I was a young woman either really. I like people but I don’t have hardly any time for socialising as I’m busy. I go to my place of work once a week and listen to others talking about their nights out and I must admit I’m not envious as find it difficult to hear what people are saying over music or background noise now I’m older. I joined a martial arts self defence class a few years ago and attend the classes 3 times a week and have got to know some lovely friendly people there. I have seen ladies advertise on Facebook for others interested in meeting up with other ladies wanting to make friends, they meet in the pub or for a coffee. You could reach out to others that way 😊

Not much to add to the above suggestions in terms of seeking new social activities, but do you have to WFH? I know lots of people like it but fully WFH would be a huge negative for me.

Am dram. You don’t have to act, we’re always looking for people in all sorts of roles - backstage, props, wardrobe, box office, bar, stewards….Everyone involved is very friendly and very welcoming, as we were all new once.

Honestly, find your local am dram group and get involved. You’ll never look back.

What kind of things do you like to do OP? Gym/ walking/ reading/ arts & crafts/ cooking?
I am an introvert, but I love going to my weekly gym class (pilates), where I chat to a few people beforehand, then can just switch off in my own world. They meet up at Xmas for a meal etc. Same with walking, you can go on your own(meet/ chat with people along the way), or we have a local walking group of all abilities etc,so you can druft off when you have had enough🤣. Good luck, and be confident in yourself x

Thanks for the ideas. I was more looking for ideas of how to cope with the loneliness but I’ll have a think about them and maybe try something new.

I was doing some volunteering last year but the project closed it was flexible so it suited me, as I could work it around work and teens not sure what else would offer that flexibility.

I honestly don’t know what I like anymore! I do go to the gym and when I’m in a better place it’s a fine top up of people.

Yes unfortunately no office at all.

Used to do some stage managing & tech before kids great fun! Unfortunately my experience after moving here was not good that at all cliquey, nasty bunch! Maybe once teens are a wee bit older and can be left at night I’ll get back to it.

Once my mother had an empty nest, she joined a women’s group that met regularly and a knitting club.

for being happy at home, I’m always happy at home because I just am. That is my personality. My home is filled with things I want to do. I could spend several lifetimes working on all the projects and hobbies I have in my house and I still wouldn’t finish them all.

so my recommendation is to find something that excites you. Learn something new. Build something. Make something. Try video games. Pick up an instrument. There is no shortage of ways to keep busy and if you try some things, a few of them are bound to spark some passion.

Get a dog!
It forces you out of the house at least twice a day, if you walk along a similar route at roughly the same time each day you will have loads of people to chat to.
It's funny though, people don't tend to know your name, they just call you 'Fluffy's mum'!

Bless you OP.
I'm kind of the opposite, an introvert who really struggles with the way much of society is set up for extroverts. I actually find too much social activity actually painful.
But, because of this, I have huge empathy for you, because I know what it's like to be forced into situations that are at odds with your natural personality.
I think voluntary work is a great way to meet people. Also craft groups. Would you feel able to set something up in your own home?
I also agree that dog is a fantastic way to meet others. Conversations always start with other dog walkers...
I sincerely wish you well, and hope you can make some meaningful connections soon x

Join your local Women's Rights Network or Standing For Women group. They're a great way to get to know other women.

Stop working from home. Go into the office at least a few times per week.
Participate in community life and get into helping roles - help with local Flower Shows, volunteer at the library etc.
Join a book group.
Join a sewing group.
Join a landcare or environmental preservation group.
Join the local church choir.
Drive old people to medical appointments.
Look on the notice boards of your local shop for people needed to help with charities and events.

Find somethings you enjoy, activities with people, and commit to regularly meeting up and helping out.

This is similar for me. I'm a near-housebound ex-extrovert. Objectively, it's shit, tbh - but, while I am always alone, I'm rarely lonely. I've more or less transferred my interest in people, activities and life to interests I pursue by myself, at home.

I've always got things going on. I do pick interests up and drop them again, but so what? I'm not in a competition. You'd be amazed at all the stuff I half know 😄 However ... there's a reason I spend HOURS on Mumsnet: it's my substitute human interaction. You've got kids, OP, so I hope they provide you with social stimulation

Sadly kids not really they are teens,I’m mum I know nothing! I miss the days when they wanted to do stuff with me!
Their friends talk slightly more!

I wish working from an office was an option I’m going to try and get out to work more often though. Even if it’s just the library or coffee shop.

Thanks for all the ideas I’m going to try again to find somethings to do, money is very tight and kids needing picked up and dropped off etc impacts what I can do so was really looking for ideas to make introvert life more bearable so the at home ideas are good as are the others, I’m going to try harder instead of thinking my life is over and pointless just because it’s not full of friends.

If money is tight, how about picking up a part time evening/weekend bar job? It’s actually a good way of being sociable in a community, and getting paid for it!

I’d love that but don’t like to leave kids home alone at night.

You have probably already considered this idea, however if not, car boots are a sociable way of making some extra money. Plus you’re around other people in your community and you can take your teenagers with you to get involved too as car boots are predominantly at weekends. The Spring will be here soon and the car boots will be starting up again. This will give you plenty of time to declutter to find stuff to sell and keep you busy in the meantime x

@Fishfried Projecting your passive aggression isn’t helpful to anyone. Maybe focus on why you didn’t read your post to judge how it sounds before posting it 😊