WFH causing school refusal to increase.

[rivalsbinge]

I read a thought provoking post on LinkedIn a comment about school refusals being so much higher since WFH became more "normal"

In essence the thought was a lack of everyone up, dressed out the door, it's now kids up breakfast dressed smart, out the door with parents in PJs or leisure wear going back home to work and the kids knowing that parents are at home makes them more likely to want to also stay home.

Obviously the parents do work but the kids (age dependent) are not seeing this and are thinking work/ school is now optional.

I did think this poster may have a valid point but interested in what others think, I'm also not talking about SEN and other considerations.

I've been on both. I'd say @JandamiHash one contained more people who uncritically swallowed the idea. This one seemed to get to the total lack of evidence more quickly!

Almost like people just wanna stick the boot in to OPs 😂

@JandamiHash I'd grab yourself another coffee and take some lovely deep breaths and wonder why you feel the need to be rude?

School attendance difficulties are almost always undiagnosed or diagnosed SEN, or something like bullying/trauma/mental health issues. My Mum was home full time in the 80s/90s as a lot of mothers were and none of us had any issues with school attendance.

EH?! When have I been rude?!

Ironically it’s the opposite this end. My youngest isn’t a huge school fan but on the 2x days a week I WFH she loves knowing I’m just down the road and therefore closer to her when she’s at school.

This in spades.

I think it's more to do with the breaking of the unspoken contract between families and schools that happened as a result of lockdown closures and strikes in recent years (not blaming teachers at all btw, I support anyone's right to strike and their right to fair pay and working conditions). But I suspect this has reshaped previously-held beliefs for some people: if school can be optional under certain circumstances where it benefits staff or wider society, it reasonably follows that attendance might not be such an iron-clad requirement in other circumstances that benefit families (holidays in term time, milder illnesses etc).

Yes, of course it has.

School attendance is a thing that can be stopped if there's a good enough reason. We live in a society where holidays, travel and family time are strongly valued, ie seen as a good enough reason. Therefore school attendance can be temporarily paused for a holiday.

I think there are lots of factors influencing attendance, but one I've noticed a few times recently is parents saying that their child doesn't have to go to school if they "don't feel safe" there. This seems to be entirely disconnected from whether the child actually IS safe (in most cases it's because the child got told off the day before and is now "scared of the teacher").

My DD (8) had a trip last week, several parents went along "to keep an eye"... why?! They weren't helping; there was no obvious risk (the trip is run every year without incident); it was 20 minutes away from school. But their child was "a bit nervous" because they haven't been on a trip for a while, and therefore the parents went along. DD was nervous, but I told her she'd be fine and she was.

Obviously it's completely different if a child has special needs, anxiety etc, but that's not the case for any of these kids.

I think some parents look at children who do have genuine special needs and who do really need some extra assistance (like a parent being on standby) and they think they should be doing the same. It doesn't do their kids any favours.

Eyeroll

What planet are you living on?!

I WFH and lead a very fulfilling and sociable life. My office is just the comfort of my own home.

And that’s not to mention how much more productive I am and how many illnesses I do not pick up from office colleagues!!!

Not to mention lower stress levels due to no commute, not having to have the misfortune of being around awful people 40 hours a week, a better work/life balance - this all gives me far more energy for socialising and seeing people.

Some people only socialise through work, I have worked in places with people like this and I don’t think it’s healthy

It's surprising how many MNers can't wrap their heads round the concept of socialising with people who have a different employer.

I think people must work for cult like places where any socialising outside work is seen as odd and suspicious

Totally agree! It’s not setting a good example for kids at all IMO. I’m off work sick atm have been for a couple of weeks and my 12yr old son is NOT happy that me and his 2yr old sister are at home. I’ve gone onto a 0hr contract (basically just so my job is held open for me) and he said “I want a zero hr contract for school” lol 😂 then he argues with me saying “well you don’t go to work every day” I think if I had a school refuser, I would make an effort to go to work to set a good example or at least get up and dressed

Nah, I work from home, and the idea of having DS at home when I’m working is not fun. Had to do it yesterday as he has had a bout of D&V, thankfully I WFH so it was easier for me to stay home with him. But it’s not a thing that happens often:

I had friends and family who were school refusers: they had stay at home mothers: so did I, but I’d have to have D&V before I was allowed off school.

Yeah, you've read a thread with multiple descriptions of unmet SEND needs being responsible for school refusal, but you conclude these parents just need to make an effort and get dressed. You clearly have no idea what it is like to live with a child in a significant level of distress over the long term. Of course people are dressed. And at work, when the opportunity affords, but what exactly do you do with a suicidal teen, for example, when the parlous state of mental health services means your child is receiving zero support?

Yeah, you’ve read my response and thought I was talking directly to you about your suicidal SEN child which clearly I was not! Projecting much?!

I'd stop digging if I was you, and start counting your blessings. Think you were the one projecting; your imaginings of parents failing to get dressed?

Take them to a counsellor? I wouldn’t be taking them out of school. Or move school. Don’t get that at all.

Gosh! What a genius! You’ve solved it!

Of course some kids will try it on and whinge and have a moan . So does DD and she still has 100% attendance AND she knows there's no way I'll say yes. She still tries, because that's what kids, especially teens do.

However, that's not school refusal, that's a kid being a kid , so you have no idea what you're talking about. Especially since a lot of parents of school refusers have a considerable issue with keeping their jobs due to being late in the morning, being called into school frequently because their kid is too distressed, being on suicide watch , appointments etc.

Actually I am well informed on this matter and able to give my opinion as my 18yr old has attempted suicide 3 x and did refuse to go to school but it had nothing to do with me not going to work as I did! So yes I know all about those things. This thread has clearly triggered people and I was advise those people to go and seek help as it’s clear the OP did not mean those children who are suicidal or with neurodivergence’s! She clearly states this in her original post! So everyone commenting after is also excluding children with SEN/ additional needs etc jeez get a grip ladies!!

School refusal is about emotional distress and chronic feelings of not being safe; whether relating to neurodiversity, trauma or other mental health issues. That's the point OP is missing.