What can I do right now to help with my depression ?

[LittleStepzz]

Since over a week ago, I have been depressed. I didn't really realise it till just now, which is why I've started this thread.

Basically a combination of the perfect storm with an argument with DH last weekend has just triggered it. I've been feeling awful since then. I cried a good few times last weekend but I'm not tearful anymore but I am barely functioning. I go to work and then crash out. I've cooked probably around 4 times since then and have been giving the kids take aways and noodles or fish fingers etc. They are fed and have everything but I am just in bed wasting my time on SM or sleeping. I am being a crap mother

I have so much to do and no motivation. Today I made a big brunch for me and the kids and then played with my 6yr old for 30 mins before getting into bed and falling asleep. I have just woken up now and feel disgusted with myself. I can't get out of bed but know that I have to before I go down a slippery slope.

Please please tell me what I can do right now that can help.

Something very very tiny. You’ll still feel shit but at least you’ve brushed your teeth/put the rubbish out. So sorry everything feels awful, really hope things pick up for you. Courage Mon ami

Can you force yourself today to go for a walk and eat something healthy and go online to book a GP appointment. All help as immediate things you could do that will have a positive impact. I appreciate how hard it is to force yourself, but very worth it.

Oh god. Going for a walk means getting dressed! And I just can't.

I'm sorry you are struggling at the moment. Don't beat yourself up if all you can do is get through work and feed the kids fish fingers (that's more I could do if I was struggling).

Try and come off social media if it's making you feel worse.

I hope you feel better soon x

Take a vitamin pill. Vit D deficiency doesn't help with the energy levels.

Try to get out for a quick walk before it gets dark. Somewhere green if possible

Make some veggie soup, warm, comforting, hydrating, more vitamins. Have you got a completely luxurious pudding to follow it up with. Cream or dark chocolate both help.

Then give your dcs a cuddle, watch a corny film together and all have an early night.

I hope you feel better soon.

You're right. I need to switch my phone off and leave it.
The fact that my DH has been giving me the silent treatment since our argument isn't helping at all. Just wish I had some supportive people around mez instead of always having to rely on myself for emotional support.

Go to your window. Open it (doesn't matter if it's raining) and take several deep breaths. Stare at the sky, make shapes out of the clouds, see what birds or other animals you can spot. Let your mind blank out what's behind you, just focus on what's in front. If you feel up to it go into your garden or (get dressed first!) walk to the end of the street. Then see how you feel.

Is there a friend or a relative who you can trust to be kind and helpful to you right now? If so, give them a call and say you're not coping very well and could do with a hand. Ask them to take the children out for a walk while you have a sleep. Please don't be angry with yourself, you are obviously a caring person and good mother. The issue with your husband has clearly been very traumatic for you and you need to be very kind to yourself - you deserve it.
If you can get some extra sleep, and a bit of help with the children, you may start to feel slightly stronger. But I think you should go to your gp and have talk about this.
Your husband needs to know how bad you feel too - but concentrate on yourself first.
You are not a bad person, you are not a bad mother, you are hurt and need a bit of love. I wish you all the very best.

Sounds like overwhelm. You need to have a conversation with your husband and share the burden. He needs to step in until you're feeling better and then things need to be more equal. Everything shouldn't be on your shoulders.

So my advice on how you can feel better is talk to your husband.

Be aware that you're judging yourself harshly right now:

I have just woken up now and feel disgusted with myself.

You had a (lengthy?) nap, you didn't do anything bad. You obviously needed sleep.

Your husband is being unpleasant/unhelpful or worse. Try to cut yourself some slack.

The irony is our argument was exactly about that. I was feeling overwhelmed and I also have developed a chronic issue which is making it more difficult to carry the mental load like I always have. I just wanted him to help me more. Nothing will change. I need to get myself together so I can be there for my kids.

OK, number one, give yourself a break! You’ve made a nice brunch and played with your child. That’s an achievement when you’re feeling crappy. Number two, this endless grey weather is making everyone feel awful, get some vitamin D tablets, maybe tomorrow now when the supermarkets are open.

I'm sorry your DH isn't supportive and you have no one support in real life but we are here to listen.

Just be gentle with yourself. You are doing the best you can with what you've got energy and mental energy wise at the moment. But from experience I know that laying in bed all day also makes me feel worse, so even if you shower and get dressed and then go and lay on the sofa, it may help a little.

Then forget about him and let him sort himself out.

For the time being I would buy in support: get a cleaner, send out laundry, get in cooking boxes.

Do you have any family? If so can anyone offer any support?

Can you take school collections/ drop offs in turn with any other parents?

See your GP and get a checkup and blood tests to see if you're deficient or suffering from anything. Ask about medication if you're depressed.

Nothing wrong with a daytime nap at the weekend, so please don’t judge yourself for it.

How about ordering a Hello Fresh type box for delivery next week so you don’t have to give cooking any thought? Or alternatively an online shop of some healthier ready meals to take pressure off?

Then have a shower if you haven’t today and put on some clean clothes or PJs.

After that either on the sofa to watch a film with your DC if you are “done” or if you have more energy, whack on some cheesy feel good music and do a household task like a load of washing, wash the pots or tidy up a bit. And then the film afterwards 😊

Most important - leave your phone upstairs.

I could have written this post myself this week. When I feel like this I just try to make my immediate world ok for the family. So I'll put the lamps on, put a nice dinner in the oven if I can, and a lovely candle on. A facade of cosiness and normality. I'll sit on the sofa, knowing I have shit loads to do in the house, but also knowing it'll be the same next week whether I do it now or not. I'll let the 8 year old on the Xbox if she needs to, but when she runs in for cuddles I give her my all - proper big cuddles, smiles and giggles.

You sound like you're doing ok :) hang in there

Thanks everyone. I just needed some real people to offer me support. Even though you're strangers on the internet, it really does help.

I've got dressed and I'm going for a walk with my little one. I have no idea where and it's freezing here too!

If the mountain seems too big today
then climb a hill instead;
If morning brings you sadness
it’s okay to stay in bed.
If the day ahead feels heavy and your plans feel like a curse,
There’s no shame in rearranging,
don’t make yourself feel worse.
If a shower stings like needles
and a bath feels like you’ll drown;
If you haven’t washed your hair for days,
don’t throw away your crown!
A day is not a lifetime.
A rest is not defeat.
Don’t think of it as failure,
Just a quiet, kind retreat.
It’s okay to take a moment
From an anxious, fractured mind.
The world will not stop turning
While you get realigned!
The mountain will still be there
When you want to try again
You can climb it in your own time,
Just love yourself till then!

@LittleStepzz

Oh good, glad it helped a little bit. Enjoy the brisk cold walk and enjoy the rest of the day watching films or something x

@KateTrain

Sorry you've had a crappy time of it too x

Really sorry that you're going through this. I joined a choir last year and singing has really helped with my mental health. Is there a song you like that you can sing? It's a tiny thing that doesn't cost much. Big hugs and hang in there.

Well done for getting up and out. It’s really tough at the moment. But you’ve done brilliantly to make a small change. I hope you will be feeling a bit better when you get back. Baby steps. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Good luck and sending a virtual hug 🤗 x

How much money do you have?

I hit a big low last week and realised I was eating rubbish and again feeding others rubbish that wasn't helping.

I did a quick and easy meal plan for the week and then ordered what I needed from Ocado that included healthy but tasty fruit and veg like grapes/cucumbers/cherry tomatoes etc.

So I can give everyone relatively healthy but tasty food, can eat better myself and feel I've accomplished loads.

Also had a shower yesterday (first in 5 days) and got my toes done.

I know it feels like too much effort but I find once I'm out I feel so much better. I've kept a list of easy but nice nature walks I can do from my front door/from getting a bus so I've got ideas when I have no capacity to think. Ditto meals/TV programmes/Spotify playlists, as often by the time you've burnt out the ability to think/make decisions has completely flown by.

Well done for getting dressed, that's something to honestly be proud of.

@iamnotalemon
Thank you. Really means a lot :)