Feel unsettled when people talk of emigrating

[Snowmanscarf]

Does anyone else get weird emotions when they hear of people talking about emigrating? I can’t quite pinpoint the emotion.

Part of it is envy and/or jealousy, I suppose, - moving on to a (hopefully) better life.

I also think that it’s a feeling of rejection - rejecting what they have in the UK, not just the lifestyle but family, friends etc. For a while, I followed an instragram family, and even though they showed the highs and lows, I felt they were a bit smug - ‘look at us, aren’t we’re greater than you for leaving the UK’ (unfollowed due to smugness and didn’t like the kids lives being broadcast, no privacy for them).

So criticism comes into play as well, as well as missing out, feeling left behind etc.

I also rationalise it that places like Australia are just different locations. It does not guarantee a good future - same sh-t, different location. A friend emigrated and then her husband went off with someone else. Other places also have CofL problems. Just have to watch Neighbours to know life isn’t a bed of roses and You still need to cook, clean, work etc,

Don’t really know why I posting. Just wondering if others feel the same.

Change is good, not a negative. I’ve emigrated twice- once as a 5 year old from Belgium to the UK and then in my early 50’s from the UK to Canada. My DT’s have moved post Uni from UK to Amsterdam and Brussels.

Each change has been good for the family and better each time. None of us have any regrets.

I think feeling like there's an implied criticism of "here" is understandable, but then you have to remember that one person's dream location is wildly different from anothers.

I don’t feel like that because I travelled in my twenties and can tell you EVERYWHERE has its problems. Some places you go to it’s more obvious. Other places geared for tourists can put on a very good facade but scratch the service and there’s poverty and unrest with the settled population.

So for me it’s better the devil you know although I would absolutely support my children resettling abroad if that’s what they wanted to do.

I get you. I have permanent itchy feet and move a lot. When I hear others moving it starts to make me feel maybe I should move again. So a bit of envy on my part.

i know what you mean OP, I have felt the same. I think it’s a little bit of jealousy in my case.. not so much that they have the resources/ability to go and do it (because I do too).. but they have the bravery, which I don’t have.

I have lived abroad twice but for each time it was only for a year and there was a clear end date, it was always going to be a temporary move. Perhaps in my case there is some regret there about not being braver (and now life circumstances would make it impossible).

I don't currently live in the UK and there are definitely problems here, despite many being calling it 'paradise' - crime, cost of living, housing shortages, the locals not liking the expats. Moving to a different country doesn't make your problems disappear.

My life is better here in some ways though but obviously I miss my family.

I'm sure the ones you follow on social media are only posting the good stuff.

I know what you mean. Makes you wonder if you have low ambition or are settling for less because you like it where you are. It does feel like a rejection in a way - of the place you love and feel at home, and thus indirectly of your own choices.

I get it. I’ve a friend who emigrated to the other side of the world who, before moving would talk about it in a way that made me feel like she thought anyone who actively wanted to live here was settling for scraps and just didn’t have the balls to take their life in their own hands. Her life’s certainly not easier over there, but they’re happy and we’re very happy here. We all have different priorities in life.

I don't feel anything when anyone says they are emigrating except 'good luck to you - you'll need it!' I wouldn't move out of the UK for all the tea in China, and I definitely wouldn't move to Australia. I know a number of people who have and have had their children born there too. It's gone sour and they've deeply regretted it because they had their children there, and they can't bring them back (especially if they've married an Australian person.)

I would only leave the UK if I'd got nobody here that meant anything to me. I really don't think you can be particularly close to your family and your friends, and your supposed loved ones, if you're prepared to go off to live on the other side of the planet/another continent for the rest of your life. I definitely do not envy them. Good luck to them. They're welcome to move thousands of miles away in a completely different country. Wouldn't be for me.

We have recently moved abroad. Was tired of working hard and seeing so much of the money we made going into taxes and never getting anything back for it. There have been ups and downs of course but zero regrets.

edited to say: you do miss your family but when you get together is so so sweet so that’s the silver lining

Strangers moving to another country isn't a criticism or rejection of you. I think you need to work out why you take such things personally.

this is how I feel too.
We've got the resources and the on demand skills but nope. Wouldn't.
(have moved around the UK though and travel abroad lots for holidays)

It’s doesn’t go sour for everyone. Our 2 moves, for different reasons, have been successful and we’re happy.
Which countries you’ve visited do you like the most?

The fact you take it this personally suggests there are things you’re not happy with in your life. Other people having different priorities, preferences and approaches to life doesn’t invalidate the things you like or mean your choices are lesser.

I think I felt like you when I was younger. A sort of FOMO.
Now I’m older I am content and very happy in England. I have lived abroad and am glad I did but am not jealous of anyone else.
Off for a bracing walk in the weak winter sun to enjoy the signs of spring 🌷

Don't believe everything you see on SM OP. People who choose to invade their/their kids' privacy by posting their whole lives on SM are a strange bunch and they heavily curate what they include.

No-one's life is perfect, nowhere is perfect in reality, and I say that as someone who's lived in a number of different countries. My experience is that some things can be better, but other things will possibly be worse. So you may find that e.g. the weather is less grey, petrol is cheaper, you can go to the beach after work, but you may be paid less, have termites, more expensive groceries.

Remember that envy is the thief of joy and also that there will be other people on SM who've moved TO the UK and are now boasting about their lovely house/great job/whatever to their friends back home.

Isn't being a bit smug the default setting on Instagram?

Can I ask where you live? We also live abroad and sounds very similar!

I know what you mean but also the vast majority of people who talk about emigrating actually don't end up doing it, either because they find out that moving to another country isn't that easy (in terms of them letting you in) or they realise that the grass wouldn't necessarily be greener, all things considered. A lot of the time people are just venting their frustrations with the UK, which I get tbh, by saying they're gonna leave.

We lived overseas for 15 years and moved back a few years ago for DC's secondary school, amongst other things. All things considered, we did have a better QOL there given the life stage we were at (young children, both working), but that's not to say that we would have had a horrible life in the UK, and for teens, I prefer the UK. There were also not great things about where we were living (pretty bad air quality, a lot of traffic, schools not great for the $$$ compared to UK, really hot and humid summers, v high rents which basically balance out the tax rate).

We mulled the idea when first was born. If we knew UK would vote to leave EU and the utter chaos, dominance and continuous decline that has happened we would’ve gone (not far we were looking at Germany).

We are encouraging our teens to think about outside UK, hard to predict how the planet will evolve during their lives. It feels like it will become more unstable, but who knows.

If they want or should move elsewhere better to do earlier in adulthood and establish a working, tax contributing life there.

We are concentrating on having enough private retirement income to be able to move, we have dual passports for EU. Might depend where kids end up.

You know inspirational social media accounts only show what they want people to see. Personally I think they are vultures creating a fiction online and making cash out of people’s envy. Perhaps I’m jaded.

We shall see.

@Rehoming123

The Carribbean. I can PM you if you want me to be specific.

I think you are taking it way too personally in a very strange way. It's undoubtedly nothing to do with you.

Different people value different things in life and may suit one country better than another.

I moved to Iceland about 15 years ago and it suits me very well. I like it better than the UK. Of course not everything is better and I don't think it would suit everyone. My decisions about my life are really not about anyone else other than my immediate family.

@Puffinshop

Oh wow, I bet that would have been an experience.

It's an ongoing experience 😄. No plans to go back to the UK.

@Puffinshop

Oh cool. I clearly didn't read your post correctly. Iceland is still on my list of places to visit.