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Original poster

Are nurses advised not to say sorry?

58 replies

Hamsterley2i3 · 15/02/2025 09:34

My mum is currently in hospital. She has dementia and is rapidly declining.

So far she's been left wet over night, in soiled nightgown after catching c diff, pain meds have been delayed, missed meals.

None of the nurses have said the word sorry. It would come so naturally to me in a conversation, if someone approached me and politely said 'my mum hasn't been given her pain medication ', my instant reply would be 'sorry, I'll get that sorted right away'.

I was wondering if it's something they're advised not to say as it admits error?

OP posts:
HoraceCope · 15/02/2025 17:50

Bababear987 · 15/02/2025 13:23

This. How late was her motivation because if its given within that 2hrs it's not technically late

I work on wards, although not a nurse and people would make comments like this to any nurse on the ward whether or not that nurse was responsible or has even met the patient. I wouldnt be apologising for something which had nothing to do with me.

Also I've seen patients been cleaned by nurses, who then go to other patients (ie.clean, feed, medicate etc) and the first patient has soiled themselves again an hour later just before family come up and family assume poor care. The reality is much like a baby, they can soil multiple times a day especially if they have a GI infection and unfortunately wards need a hell of a lot more staff.

Definitely complain but to the right people and about the right issues. The vast majority of the time, staff are trying their best and simply dont have capacity to give the care they want to

Show quote history

but if a relative approached you about this situation, whoever is at fault, they approached you, so an apology should be the very least you can do

ChoppedChorizo · 15/02/2025 18:28

LegoHouse274 · 15/02/2025 14:21

No, it's not. It's a common principle in healthcare that apologising is in no way an admission of legal liability. Healthcare insurers recommend staff apologise when they receive complaints, it doesn't itself open themselves up to litigation in any way. It's just seen as good courtesy.

(Me and all of my immediate family work or have worked in the NHS).

Show quote history

I stand corrected.

Destiny123 · 15/02/2025 18:32

ChoppedChorizo · 15/02/2025 11:26

The problem is an apology is an admission of guilt, which raises the question of liability.

Edited

Nit in the slightest does it. Duty of candour clearly states apologies should be given for the fact that it happened and is no marker of guilt (doi dr)

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henlake7 · 15/02/2025 19:30

I think a lot of times people don't want to apologise because they worry it will be accepting blame and the relatives will get more angry with them!

IME (26 yrs a ward nurse) people appreciate a genuine apology and often it can smooth things over rather then make them worse.
I also make it a point to always be honest with people, even if it's not what they want to hear. Hospitals can be scary, overwhelming places and it helps to know your nurses can be trusted to let you know what's going on.

Lack of compassion is sadly something I see often. It often surprises when cleaning a patient how often other staff just barely talk to the patient beyond giving instructions. TBH I feel weird washing someone and not talking to them!

MumChp · 15/02/2025 19:41

I've pretty much stopped apologizing as a nurse. Sorry.
I work harder and harder without breaks.
No work from home, no bonuses, no flexibility and cuts on top of cuts.

we work 24/7 all year rundt.
Violence and foul language from patients and relatives have become an everyday occurrence.

Complain to the people in charge.
It's not the nurse on the ward.

useres101848woyr · 15/02/2025 19:50

Unfortunately, if you have someone with dementia in hospital they will need one on one care to be properly looked after and safe. There is no staffing capacity for this.

When I was in this situation, I was there most of the time and was paying for the normal carers we had at home to come to the hospital so that there were no incidents like this and proper care to avoid risk of bed sores etc. Fortunately, I was in a position to afford to do this because if you are trying to manage it alone it really kills you - nearly 24/7 in a hospital is very very tough. At least if you are able to pay additional carers who know them, then you have help and can get a break.

With medication, they sleep alot so you need someone there with them to take charge of the medication to get it in them when they are awake. Same with meals - hospital policy is to just put it in front of them, if they are asleep its just tough - they will take it away for 'infection control' reasons. So again to get food and fluid in, you need one-on-one care - literally someone there all the time so when they are awake and receptive, you can feed them and offer fluid.

It's hard for people with dementia to be in hospital alone out of an unfamiliar environment anyway. Familiar faces help but the main aim is to get them out as fast as possible.

If she was left like that, it's almost certainly because of understaffing. Changing pads is a health care assistant job rather than a nurse though. If you are there and know how to change a pad, then you can always offer to assist them which can get it done more quickly because its a two person job and otherwise you have to wait for two to be free. If you can help and know how to turn someone safely, then you only need to find one who is free. Obv this won't be everyone and depends whether you are caring for the person or have done at home.

Sorry you are going through this it is absolutely traumatic having someone you love with dementia in hospital.

Pinkpillow7 · 16/02/2025 20:18

MumChp · 15/02/2025 19:41

I've pretty much stopped apologizing as a nurse. Sorry.
I work harder and harder without breaks.
No work from home, no bonuses, no flexibility and cuts on top of cuts.

we work 24/7 all year rundt.
Violence and foul language from patients and relatives have become an everyday occurrence.

Complain to the people in charge.
It's not the nurse on the ward.

Hear hear

Maddy70 · 16/02/2025 20:23

Contact pals. It's amazing what a difference they make

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