Please help - I need more joy in my life

[Sparkmyjoy]

I will summise:

Recently divorced. Get on well and co parent. Live together due to financials for now. No real issue with that.

Work part time in health care for NHS

Treat myself daily to a cafetiere every morning at home...I get up at 5am to do this so I have an hour with the cats and some dark choc! (This is my daily treat) But.... I'm missing that something. That spark and excitement.

I keep thinking I want to date, to get a boyfriend, or girlfriend even, but quickly realise I just can't be .... arsed.

I'm 48, perhaps this is my menopause initiating an uprising.

So please indulge me.... what things do you do that spark joy? I'd love to be inspired.

Thank you...

I don't have much in my life, work full time plus an evening job and life was just passing. I like to be at home but it was becoming a bit hamster wheel.

I now look ahead at local theatre and book the cheap good seats in the circle for whatever I fancy and enjoy some lovely evenings out (they go quick) Take some treats with me. Sometimes go to the desert place on the way out.

I love that you have some dark choc first thing in the morning.

Theatre and art galleries.

I’m 2 years separated and it was initially tough adjusting to single life after over 2 decades married. Last summer, I started going to board game groups, which has been a great way to meet people and have fun without any pressure. Since I started logging my plays properly in September, I’ve played around 160 games with nearly 50 different people, which has been a blast!

I also throw dumbbells around at the gym like I’m trying out for a strongman competition, which makes me feel pretty powerful. Then I swim after, the water feels like a big warm hug - perfect balance!

I don’t think I actually want to date, but I’ll admit that one or two guys at my board game groups have reminded me I’m not dead yet! So, who knows? Maybe life has a few surprises left for me. In the meantime, I’m just focusing on things that feel good - physically and mentally.

Curious to see what everyone else is up to for that spark so I’ll be keeping an eye on the comments.

The biggest highs I get post divorce is going to bed and waking up by myself, exercising, dog walking and spending lots of time with old and new friends.

Creative writing, volunteering including crafting and baking, learn an instrument or pick up an old one (my guitar needed new strings), dance fit classes unfortunately no men yet at ours.

Do a One Billion Rising event - takes a while to plan and get the numbers so perfect time now to start for next Valentine's day.

@Didsomeonesaydogs I'd love a board/table top game group. Genuinely would consider moving to join one haha. Never taken off in this sleepy small town unfortunately.

I make sure my everyday things feel really nice so I am treating myself every day.

Good quality coffee

Wearing perfume every day, even if just staying at home

Really nice bubble bath, moisturiser etc

Good quality pyjamas that make me feel cosy

Using scent boosters in the laundry purely because I love how my clothes and bedding now smell

And my hobbies that bring me a lot of joy are:

Reading. I can get lost in a book and I particularly love visiting the library every week or two and having a browse. I enjoy watching BookTok reviews of books and adding them to my CamelCamelCamel so if a book that has been recommended comes down in price I buy it and it feels like a really nice treat.

Stargazing. This time of year on cold, crisp nights is perfect for it. The Sky Map app is great because you can just point your phone at the sky and it will tell you what the stars and constellations are. I find it really peaceful and mindful.

Yoga. I go to a weekly class with a lovely, supportive bunch of women and I always feel better afterwards.

Geocaching. It's a giant, free treasure hunt and gets me outdoors on walks.

Honestly, I think something that brings you closer to other people would be great. There are so many things like exercise classes or clubs, book clubs, cooking classes, music lessons, choirs, so much! That way, you automatically have so many new friends as you have something in common.

If you're really not keen on sociable hobbies (which is fine), I would suggest things like swimming, which I adore, reading, gardening, art (colouring, diamond painting, paint by number etc).

Would you consider gaming? When my partner and I got together I was 27 and had no prior interest in games. He is an avid gamer. Now, I have several different consoles and absolutely love it. There are some beautiful games out there to play!

No suggestions as I'm in a similar boat but what a fantastic thread! I'm really enjoying reading it 😊

If you're struggling physically with aches and pains, how about something to stimulate your brain while you're sorting out the medical side of things? Depending on where your interests lie, random ideas could be taking up / restarting a musical instrument, art class, learning a language, local history, or anything else you've ever thought "I'd love to do XXX if I had more time". See if you can carve out a bit of time to do something to get you out of the rut. Then when you're feeling better physically, introduce more exercise-based pursuits. The world is your oyster 😊

My monthly car fuel bill has definitely increased since I’ve been going to gaming groups!

I live in a village of around 6k population so I travel to larger towns/cities for 25-60mins (depending on traffic) to go to gaming groups and events 2-4 times per week. It’s been well worth it though and I’ve made some awesome new buddies.

A slightly different take…but I go to the gym every morning before work for about 40 minutes, so not too long. It’s not easy scraping ice off the car in the dark at 6am but worth it for the energy it gives me for the rest of the day. It’s sort of a subtle, daily joy.

And a visit to a National Trust gift shop (or any gift shop really) also does the trick!

I’m the same age as you, and my kids are grown up now (one still left at home, she is 17) and I have a career I enjoy and some nice friends, though my closest life long friends are all 250 miles away, and sadly my best friend locally is on end of life care due to cancer). I was feeling really fed up around 18 months ago and seeking a hobby when I joined a newly formed ladies walking group. It’s been amazing, we walk 3 times a week (twice in summer) and that involves long walks and country pub lunches, plus theatre trips, cinema, parties. It’s amazing I have 20-30 more local friends. Also good exercise.

I feel the same as many others here. Its a weird feeling.

Ignore the news. Don't even look at it or watch it. Especially anything to do with politics. Its toxic and depressing.

Listen to music. Buy a spotify account.

Garden. Grow your own food. Plant flowers in your area.

Declutter. Simplify your life and possessions.

Plan a trip a year or two in advance. Spend time making plans on what you're going to do when you get there.

Woodworking course? Make furniture.

Today I am alone at Eltham Palace and it is giving me great joy. I love wandering around old heritage homes and palaces.
Glad I am at an age I can indulge this passion.

In some ways inspired by this thread I went to a little walk and talk at our local Botanic gardens. Usually i do little on the weekends as i have 2 Dcs. I did invite them both but they were not interested. I went anyway- and met some lovely people and learned a bit about the ancient art of plants used as medicine and had a hot chocolate and exchanged numbers with a couple of other people with a view to getting together for a walk every few weeks.

I really enjoyed it.

Good for you. Sounds wonderful.

I'm almost 40 and decided last year to try new things. I started a hobby playing a sport I've never done before and I LOVE it so much and met loads of lovely women. Last year I tried surfing, this year I've tried snowboarding. I've joined a gym and really enjoying the classes and me time, I carve out time for a bath and a read. Generally trying to enjoy the more free time I have since my youngest has started school and I'm part time at work. I even enjoy my housework and listen to ebooks while I potter around the house.

Book a holiday or day out or arrange to meet up with some friends in the evening.

I think that pets can bring a lot of joy, but also are very time consuming so that would be a big decision.

You say you are content in your living situation with your ex, but I would think there must be a feeling somewhat of being in limbo there.

I have started going to live music again after a break of many years. It's wonderful! I also love Radio 3 - it seems incredible to me that you can turn on the radio and listen to such magical, joyful music for free!

Me too

I'm still reading each and every reply. Thank you.

Strangely part of my job is counselling so today I used some of the resources I may recommend to patients and read them myself. I wanted to show you guys too. Just in case it sparks anything... here is one...

www.randomactsofkindness.org/kindness-ideas

Here's another...

https://happiness-academy.eu/12-pillars-of-happiness/

Have to admit I've not read much of either but will during the next few days. I also found an awesome podcast from Mel Robins... Will link..

Don't get up at 5am. That'll increase your joy in one go!