Do you put your teens / pre teens to bed?

[unlikelychump]

Dd nearly 13 and dd11. The bedtime routine is still quite involved as both parents go upstairs and tuck them in, one does a prayer. It tends to involve quite a bit of going up and down as they aren't ready when we are etc.

I am wondering whether your kids that age put themselves to bed? Mine def can, we just haven't moved to that.

Dh thinks it is lovey and I am harsh, but bloody hell, I just want to sit down before 2130.

(There is still a younger child as well but small steps)

I think I stopped doing any of that some time between 8-10. She’s almost 17 now.

Still doing a bedtime story and a 'tuck in' with both DC - aged 12 and 10.

Best part of the day for me.

DS is 12, nearly 13, usually has some 'chill' time reading or watching something for the hour before bed, the most he needs is sometimes a reminder of the time. He gets himself into his PJs, brushes his teeth and comes down for a kiss, then puts himself to bed.

This is the dream

Being tucked in at secondary school age?

Nope DD goes upstairs and goes to bed. She likes to be asleep by 8.
She's almost 13

Still putting 10 year old to bed and reading story. 11 year old goes up by himself but needs reminding to brush his teeth etc. 14 year old argues about everything as he would rather stay up all night and smell like he lives on a park bench.

We don’t tuck our 12yr old in, but when she’s ready to go to sleep we go up and say goodnight, it’s around the same time every night

I’ve just tucked my 15 year old in and gave her a cuddle (her request) while I was bringing her a charger. It’s so rare that I ever get the chance as she’s usually relaxing or on FaceTime so when I get the opportunity I’ll take it.

I still go and give mine a kiss before bedtime - they're 15 and 17!

We all go to bed at the same time, dh, me, and 16 year old ds, we all go up roughly between 10-10:30. We say goodnight on the landing.

Mine are 12 and I still tuck them i unless I am not well and in bed already.

13 and 16 here, still go up, plait their hair and switch their lights off. They usually chat for 5/10mins- it’s good to have some 1:1 time with no interruptions ❤️

Haven’t tucked mine in since they were about 8 or 9. Quite capable of putting themselves to bed.

most I did was remind them of the time and maybe hover about a bit upstairs for them to settle down.

dd14 would be the laughing stock of school if I tucked her in and kissed her goodnight. But I do often go in and sit at the end of her bed and have a natter to her about her day or what’s on her mind, I think that’s nice, it’s not every night though.

10 yr old DD gets herself ready for bed then I go through and sit with her while we read our own books for 10-15mins. Quick cuddle and a bedtime song that I made up when she was tiny, then she falls asleep by herself. I like the chance to stop and read, I didn’t read for a long time after I had her as I struggled to focus but now get through a book most weeks. I expect the song will get dropped fairly soon, and probably reading together in her room too. Happy to take it at her pace though, and hopefully still have times sitting together in the living room reading.

My 10 year old gets ready for bed then we go up and tuck in/kiss. Sometimes I sit with her while we both read or I read to her. Other times she reads in bed by herself for a while but I check her light is off by about 9.
Teens lounge about downstairs in their pj's for about an hour before they go to bed. They have a hug and a kiss when it's time to go up. Sometimes I have a hug and a kiss and go up before them!

I love the way some people think I am literally holding the covers open for them! I meant the concept of it rather than the specific!

About 10, exh would read to them some nights but if they didn't have a book ongoing they took themselves up.

Aren't your 13 year old in their room all night?if so how are you managing bed time?

Nope, dd12, goes to her bed at 9.30, has 20 mins on her phone and then phone comes out of room and lights out at 10, except the weekend, she’s not allowed her phone in room after 10, but reads and such until she wants. I don’t tuck her in, she puts herself to bed.

Our kids were putting on their PJs and cleaning their teeth by themselves by about age 8. But DH or I would still go to say goodnight and read them a story for a couple of years. Around age 10 they no longer wanted us to read so we changed to DH going to 30 minute chat with each of them and I say goodnight and have a few words before I retire. We still do that and they're 16 now. It's a really nice bit of the day.

Yours sound too old for it to be taking forever because they keep finding excuses not to get on. Have you thought of changing up the routine a bit - have them get into PJs, clean teeth and say a prayer earlier by themselves but come back down for a bit of family time (watch of something on TV or a game of cards or something). Then you take them up and they get straight in bed, read or whatever for 20 minutes and leave them to sleep? If they don't do the PJs/teeth prayer in a reasonable timeframe it eats into the family time?

Ours are 9 and 12, we send them up to get washed and into PJs. We have to check every so often this is actually happening and they aren’t just faffing/arguing. Then one of us goes up to do final lights out.

We still take turns going up with ds, he's just turned 13.

I get in for a cuddle and a chat about his day whilst dh has been the "drop and run king" for a couple of years.

We've suggested stopping but ds loves it (and so do i)

They do get themselves ready and have a shower etc. they just faff. So keep telling us to come back later, or argue with each other, or just need to be popping down for something. I just want to cut the crap out. I feel like I get to chat to them plenty,so don't need more time then. Dh is patchy but sometimes spends ages with them which makes it chaotic and late.

We have three around that age and two younger who still need lots of hands-on and an earlier bedtime. The older three usually come up and take showers/ set out clothes/ tidy rooms/ join in reading aloud while the littles are being read to and put to bed but then go back downstairs for about an hour until their own bedtime. DH and I really try to make sure we're available for chats and cuddles and sometimes an episode of a show or some video game play during that hour after the little kids are down, but of course sometimes it's just everyone doing their own thing. When it's their bedtime they put all devices on the kitchen dock, say goodnight and head up to bed. They independently brush their teeth, get in bed, turn off lights and then then they each have their own approach to getting to sleep - one reads for a bit, one listens to an audiobook on a timer, and one is the sort of unfathomable creature who just turns off lights, gets in bed and is asleep in 2 minutes. Usually at least one of us goes upstairs within the next hour to go to bed or get into pyjamas so we check on everyone then.

Have you asked your daughters their thoughts?