Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Annoyed at son's school

131 replies

sneezeybreezey · 10/02/2025 20:10

Hi,

My son ( 14) is having some issues at school - school are concerned that he is being disruptive in class etc, and affecting the learning of others kids. I am not making excuses for him, but I think that they are too quick to criticise rather than look at what is making him behave like this.

I have contacted the school and have asked for meeting. My work commitment and younger kids etc mean that I am only available to meet at either 7.30am or 5.30pm. Someone from school has called to say that they can't accommodate this as it's outside of their normal hours, and can I make a meeting between 8 and 4.30pm!!

I am not happy - surely they have a duty to support working parents?

OP posts:
saraclara · 10/02/2025 22:06

Do you think you're the only working parent that the teachers at your son's school need to have meetings with? If they were to accommodate them all, the school would have to be open until 7 or later every school day, with enough staff to keep the school and teacher secure. Which is absolutely impossible. There's no money for it and no teacher can be asked to do that.

ClarasSisters · 10/02/2025 22:08

Not hard to see where the kid gets it from is it? Me me me.

HMW1906 · 10/02/2025 22:09

So you want them to adjust their working hours whilst you do absolutely nothing? Nope, you need to arrange to start work late/finish early to sort YOUR child out.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education
noblegiraffe · 10/02/2025 22:10

On the one hand this thread could be someone on the wind-up because it is so mind-blowingly entitled as to invite outraged comment.

On the other hand anyone working in a school could give examples of this exact sort of thing happening.

Lozzq · 10/02/2025 22:11

Looks like OP is disrupting MN too, causing chaos and then not willing to talk about it… must be outside her working hours.

Zanatdy · 10/02/2025 22:11

and you have a duty to put the interest of your son’s education over your job. That’s what annual leave is for, or ask to start late / finish early and make up the hours another day. It’s easy to say the teachers need to work out why he’s behaving like that, but equally it’s your job to tell him to wind his neck in and stop distupting the entire class. My daughter had years of this at secondary, the kids doing it just continue until the end of year 11 unless they get kicked out sooner. It used to make me so angry how one child’s behaviour could mean sometimes a whole lesson was wasted.

Meredusoleil · 10/02/2025 22:14

WithOneLook · 10/02/2025 21:35

Ha! And this is why I no longer teach. You want me to work outside of my working hours, unpaid, so that you can tell me how to do my job because your child can do no wrong. Yeah. Literally. Thanks but no thanks.

Guess what? I was the last man standing in my department. I set the work not only for my own classes but also the 2 classes who were being taught by long term supply because the two other former staff in the department had already left the profession and couldn't be replaced. Oddly enough nobody wanted to step up and take my job so my department was closed down when I went 4 years ago now. That's 4 years of students who have been denied access to the subject I am a specialist in and is a story being replicated in schools up and down the country. The curriculum is becoming narrower as a result. Well played OP (and others like you!) well played.

Let me guess your department: DT?

Oodlesandoodlesofnoodles · 10/02/2025 22:14

If it was a doctor’s appointment you would take him in at any time, why is this less important to you? Or do doctors have a duty to fit their appointments around your schedule, too?

Of course teachers are going to criticise disruptive behaviour. It affects multiple other learners in the class and their education. Why don’t you try and get to the bottom of his behaviour?!

LIZS · 10/02/2025 22:15

8am is still pretty early . You gave requested a meeting so make it work. Find before school care for younger dc, be it relative, friend or babysitter, and arrive at work a bit later. Or suggest a video call.

lateatwork · 10/02/2025 22:17

I imagine the meeting will be at a set time and not a 4 hour window (like a delivery!!!)... But, could you ask for a call instead of a face to face meeting? This will save you some travel time and may mean that you can take less time away from work..

I'm glad you agree that disrupting learning is rubbish for other children. If there is a way that you could work with the school to stop your child from doing this, I'm sure it will not only help him, but also help the other students.

PurpleFlower1983 · 10/02/2025 22:18

YABVU, you need to put your child first not your job.

anonhop · 10/02/2025 22:20

This must be a reverse

NiftyKoala · 10/02/2025 22:20

When it's your child you need to find a way. Take a longer lunch go in late or leave early. I get it, I'm a working single mom. School and I work same hours. The faster you meet with them the faster you can all work on your son's behavior.

Felicityjoy · 10/02/2025 22:21

Why is your working day important but theirs isn’t?

Onlyonekenobe · 10/02/2025 22:26

No, YOU "look at what is making him behave like this".

Do you want them to do his washing and cooking, too?

Unbelievable.

seven201 · 10/02/2025 22:32

I'm a secondary teacher. I have to drop and pick up my own little kids, so I definitely couldn't do 7.30 or 5.30. You could ask for a phone or video call?

In the meantime, tell your child to stop disrupting others Wink

blackbird77 · 10/02/2025 22:32

Do you expect the Doctor or Dentist to see you outside of their contractual/working hours? Do you expect Sainsbury’s or Next or the Post Office to be open for you whenever because it doesn’t fit in with your working hours? If you want a meeting with the school then you take time off work exactly as you’d do for a Dr or hospital or legal appointment. They’re not even the one calling you in for a meeting! YOU are the one that’s demanding it.

Why not take the completely normal approach and firmly tell your son to pack in his nonsense and behave in class? That should be the end of it. Incredulous that you have received communication from the school that your son is being disruptive and ruining the learning of others and you need some meeting about it to discuss what exactly?!

Think how sick to death the other students and parents are in the class that their learning is being continuously disrupted by your son.

mummytalking · 10/02/2025 22:35

Would you ask a GP to accommodate early hours and late evening? Probably not. What is your work environment like? Your company should support appointments like this. I don't even ask my manager I just say 'I have a parent meeting at 3pm today' and block an hour or two in my diary as I'm office or wfh based. If you work somewhere like hospitality (sorry I haven't read the whole thread so don't know if you've mentioned it) then you just have to move your shifts or swap with someone else. I have worked in both environments. Companies should support working mums to some extent. It's one appointment, it's not like you're asking for 2 hours a week off to attend parent coffee mornings. At the worst you may have to take a few hours annual leave.

EmmaEmEmz · 10/02/2025 22:36

They may also be working parents...

You expect them to work around you, when they've been teaching all day, probably worked through their lunch breaks, have after school meetings, then no doubt go home and mark and plan lessons...while also having a little bit of downtime, eat, shower and spend time with their own kids.

If it's that important, you need to take some time out of YOUR work to deal with YOUR child.

Psychologymam · 10/02/2025 22:38

LaurieFairyCake · 10/02/2025 20:18

How is this different from any other appointment with a professional which takes place in working hours?

5.30 is outside almost ALL SERVICES working hours

It's your kid, it's either important enough to go or it's not.

Exactly - if her child was offered a GP apt would she insist it was at 8pm? Or if other allied health professionals offer input to support child see him at 6am. It’s bizarre.

EmmaEmEmz · 10/02/2025 22:38

And no, they don't have a duty to support working parents.

They have a duty to educate children

Baffers100 · 10/02/2025 22:40

100PercentFaithful · 10/02/2025 20:11

YABVVU

Absolutely .

A lot of these teachers have their own children and childcare commitments and dare I say it, lives outside of work. You're asking them to flex this because you aren't willing to flex you're working hours so you can prioritise your child (assuming you have understanding bosses?)

Bambiisasillybilly · 10/02/2025 22:44

I know it's a pain you will have to compromise and go in when the teacher is working. The last thing you want is the teachers talking about you and your son. They will link is behaviour with you if you start behaving disruptive yourself.

ExpensiveBiscuits · 10/02/2025 22:44

State education is privilege that many in the world don't have but you are under no obligation to accept it.
You may of course keep him at home and educate him yourself, where you can spend all the time in the world pondering why he is badly behaved.

Fill your boots.

MrsSunshine2b · 10/02/2025 22:47

I think that they are too quick to criticise rather than look at what is making him behave like this.

That's your job. You're his parent. You have to work out what is making him behave like this and make sure he knows it's unacceptable for him to continue.

surely they have a duty to support working parents?

Nope, they have no duty to you whatsoever. They have a duty to your son, which they are trying to fulfil, but he is resisting it.