Parenting toddlers 80s/90s

[oneandonlygreg]

I was chatting to my mum and was aging I liked to try and take my 2 year old outside everyday. She was saying that she never felt she needed to take us out as toddlers everyday, and we never used to go to soft plays or anything like that because there weren't really any in the area.
I'm just interested to know what other people's thoughts are on this. What else would you say has changed? There's no real reason for this other than I'm feeling a bit sad about how the world is at the moment and really wish we had the simplicity of the 90s (even though I was only young at the time).

My mother says we had to fit into her life. So that might have meant not having naps or going to bed hours later than we should have or spending hours somewhere that wss unsuitable for children. I almost always prioritise my children's routine and sleep needs (within reason). My mother says she never did that.

I had early -mid 90s babies and toddlers I don't think I went out every single day but we had stuff to do throughout the week.

I didn't do baby groups but toddlers and playgroups we.went to the library for book bug sessions visited family. Etc. We would do soft play at the weekends because I don't drive We were busy.

My mother always tried to take us outside every day (children of the 80/90s). We wore non-gendered clothing and a lot of homemade clothes. It’s so expensive now to make clothes now compared to buying them.

There seemed to be fewer restrictions on screen time, we would happily watch cartoons on a weekend morning by ourselves before we went out, or after school. Quite a bit of convenience food too - beans, chicken nuggets (usually homemade chips though which I hated!). Less focus on avoiding upfs. No hummus and carrot sticks for us!! Squash was also a big thing, I haven’t drunk that since the 90s!!

I was born in the early 80s, my sister 2 years later; Mum sometimes took us to the library when we were a bit older, but otherwise there weren't really places to go with kids, unless you wanted to pay. As a previous poster said, we just went along to wherever Mum was going anyway, which was mostly to the supermarket once a week.

Other than that we stayed in the house/garden and played. And it wasn't as if our parents played with us; sometimes they did, but mostly they had things to do (well, Dad was at work, Mum had housework to get on with), so we just sort of pottered about.

I think it was good for us in a lot of ways; we learned to entertain ourselves, we watched Mum doing housework so learned how that worked, and we learned to play together.

I'm not convinced the modern-day need to take kids out all the time and constantly entertain them is doing them any favours, t be honest.

Sometimes that depends on the child. I have a 2020s child and they were fine missing naps at home. They would sleep in the pram, we’d go out for a fancy lunch on shared parental leave (and still do now), they’re good in restaurants, happy to go to galleries etc. They can cope with the occasional late night, especially on holiday and are generally quite at ease fitting into our lives. My friend’s child needs routine, hates missing a nap or changes to their sleep pattern - so this would be a nightmare for them. I think a lot of it is down to the child, neither way is better or worse than the other.

Two of mine were born in the late 80's and mid 90's I did take them out daily, they needed to run around and burn off steam. We also went swimming a few times a week in summer.
They had plenty of time at home playing and entertaining themselves too.

Yes. But parents also used to smoke and hit their children. Kids were often unsupervised is incredibly dangerous situations.

It's not all sunshine and roses.

I was a toddler in the 80's and DM was a SAHM. We had a dog so definitely got out once or twice every day to walk her.

I know there was a play group in the village that DM took me to once a week but that was probably it. She had a couple of friends with similar aged children who we would see once a week too.

I had a pretty standard bath-story-bed routine. Naps in a pram outside or in my cot.

Lots of baking, puzzles, books and games. I didn't watch TV as a small (or even not-small) child. I remember her telling me about setting me up in my high-chair in the kitchen while she made tea. She'd give me a carrot stick and a blunt knife and I'd try to copy her and it would keep my quiet while she made dinner.

I would have been expected to tag along on grown-up things (like shopping) but nothing that different to how I'm raising my 6 yr old DD.

There's no need to make life complicated with kids. Simple lives are quite easy if you don't put them in 6 clubs a week or whatever.

Completely agree with @MamaAndTheSofa word for word! My siblings and I just played together at home, we’d play out by ourselves and I don’t remember my parents playing with us loads, occasionally do crafts or something with us at home. We’d watch her cook/bake etc or just entertain ourselves.

I watch my nieces and nephews being taken out all the time, constantly entertained, always going from club to club and soft play and swimming and all sorts and think it must be so exhausting not only for their parents but for them too. I mean they have a nice life but I see nothing wrong with them entertaining themselves every now and again either and think it would be good for them to not be so reliant on external factors to keep them entertained.

I do agree. I think kids lives can be rather complicated these days. Feeling like you have to take the kids out everyday somewhere. Kids aren't left playing themselves so much. Aren't allowed out on their own until nearly high school too. Everything is calendered in, kids seem to have a full time tables of clubs etc, even toddlers seem to go to multiple baby groups a week, plus soft play. I was born early 80s and it was so much simpler back then. It might seem boring when you compare it but the kids were just as happy.

I was born in the mid-80s, my sister 4 years later. We didn't have any of the baby/toddler classes that are around these days, might have gone to an NCT coffee morning (in someone's house, instant coffee and custard creams, not a gaggle of buggies in a cafe) or a church hall playgroup once or twice a week. The park was too far from home to be a regular trip, but we had a huge garden and spent a lot of time in that. The rest of the time was just pottering in the house, sometimes mum would play with us but often she was busy with chores. There was minimal TV because there just wasn't that much kids' programming!

When my sister was young I was already in preschool and then school, so she got taken out on the school run for that every day.

It's easy to get nostalgic about how simple things were. And the fact that they could afford a nice house, with a big garden, in a good school catchment, on a single office-worker's salary. But there are probably things that are better now...?

Thanks for the replies- i just find it so interesting. I suppose we don't do loads, but it's rhetorical guilt I feel when I don't do loads if you see what I mean? I work part time, so 2 days off with my DD. We do soft play on a Monday, Tuesday we usually see friends locally and Wednesday she goes to gymnastics with her grandma.
We try to do baking once a week on a Saturday but could probably do more cooking together which she enjoys.

First child born mid 90s. We went out every day. There were more soft plays then than there are today!

My mum had toddlers in the 70s and I remember her saying they didn't do all the things we do like soft play and big days out or NCT groups but then when we got chatting, she said she used to go to a baby group/playgroup type set up most days and all of her cousins would go as they had children. I think it sounds a lot easier because everyone tended to have kids at a similar stage in life so other mums to meet up with for company (no need for nct!) and mums tended not to work so ready made company for the mums and kids. I don't think nap times were obsessed about in the same way but she'd have a long walk there and back so the baby would sleep en route and they'd be up and out every day.

I was born when she was a lot older and I fitted in with her life but it was great fun. She'd go and do the big weekly shop and then I'd come home and play checkout girl pretending to bag it all up again and adding it up on a calculator.

I do take my kids to clubs and days out and they always seem to have a party to go to which I don't remember being as full on when I was a kid but I do try to do the simple things with them too like going for a walk and doing little treasure hunts and coming to the supermarket with me because there's a lot to be learnt and joy to be taken from the every day that I think can get lost these days but they're also bloody obsessed with you tube 😂

I was born in the 80s. I have little memories but from speaking to my mum generally we played in the garden or at home. I have a brother 4 years older and we played together. Days were made up of the school run, dog walks, and a trip to the local supermarket. Weekends were to nans or aunties house. Mum didn't drive. Dad worked a lot. No soft plays to visit where I lived. My whole childhood was like the above, but I remember when I was older, we'd go on the bus to the local town and have the odd day out. Simple times.

I had mine mid 90's but only 13 months apart. I had to take them out every day for my own sanity but our town had lots of mother and toddler groups (not parent/carers then!) so there was something on every morning. I also used to take them out many afternoons even if was just to the park.
My own mother had been a midwife and HV and was very much for routine with babies. I must have been lucky as both were good sleepers.

It sounds like you have a balance @oneandonlygreg you really don't have to have them busy all the time.

Most parents are just plodding along the best they can,

I think our worlds were smaller. We were less aware of what was going on too, so didn't know what we weren't doing, if that makes sense.
I grew up in a council estate. We had two parks, one day we went to one park, the other day we went to the other one. Did fifteen years. Birthday parties were all at others houses, no renting a cinema or such nonsense. Not even a church hall. We did the clubs offered by school, community centres etc, there was less information so you couldn't 'seek' out martial arts or Spanish classes like you can now.
Even our media was set in a very domestic sphere. We watched kids going to school, coming home, walking around the estate. Now my kids are watching YouTube where someone visits the best theme parks or top ten sushi restaurants in Japan or flies to Egypt etc. And parents are watching other parents on SM being better than them. It's a recipe for unhappiness and we see that in our collective mental health. Yes it wasn't all roses but we have to look at all aspects of the modern world.

I'm an 80s child, DM was back at work part time by the time I was 11 months old, so I spent a lot of time with my grandparents.

They definitely had daily naps so I certainly did too. And DM liked a routine.

I'd nap on my grandma's knee she'd sing nursery rhymes, tell me stories and then fall asleep too. I also went out for a walk each day with one of them.

They didn't drive so walks would be to the shops, to visit relations, to see the donkey at the farm shop and get an ice cream etc. Occasionally we'd go to the playground. There'd always be a relative popping by and they'd chat and have tea, and maybe play cards.

Lots of time would be spent "helping", so with grandad it was gardening, cooking, fixing things. He'd also play games like catch, marbles, pairs, set up the cardboard village and race cars around it etc. He had some ancient polish in his cupboard and occasionally we'd shine up pennies 😂 (he must have been thinking what can I do with this child now to sit down).

When I was older we were allowed to dig a hole in his back garden and he'd laced the area with Victorian pennies. He really was an absolutely fantastic human being.
I was an adult and he was long dead before I found out he'd planted those coins for us to find.

With grandma I'd "help" change the bed sheets and do a bit of cooking and she read books and play more sitting down things. She still worked part time so was probably knackered!

I'd be dropped off by about 8am. If grandma was still in bed she had a torch and would shine the light to get me to try and catch it, like a cat!

I did play school for a few mornings a week. And I remember watching Rainbow in the morning and the cartoons with my brother back from school in the afternoons.

No wonder my grandparents napped too!
They were the most fabulous people, loving and fun. There were boundaries, but they made me feel safe.

With mum it was similar, walks to the playground or library - our village had a library. "Helping" with housework and playing games, toys, puzzles.

It really was a lovely childhood.
DBro was three years older so he was at school by that time so I had all these wonderful adults to myself, but still slotted in to what they needed to get done.

I'd love to be able to do the same for any grandchildren I'm lucky enough to have.

I went to the park and played with my sibling. Preschool age there was a playgroup we went to, and a few neighbours who had kids my age.

The was a kind of soft play in Great Yarmouth called Wally's Windmill! It was the highlight of my summer holidays going there!

In the summer we'd have a week at a caravan park, a week at Grandparents, and go in to Mums office and sit and play quietly in the back room! 1980s.

I was a toddler in the eighties I played in the garden a lot and sometimes mum took me to the park. Or I played with my toys . We also went to friends houses and kids played together. From being about 3/4 we played out on the street. (There were older kids. ) I was probably outside every day unless it was raining. No soft plays , trampolines or anything like that. A weeks holiday a year to uk seaside. We would also visit grandparents/cousins.

My kids were born early 2000's we also did a lot of parks, garden , toys, visiting relatives. But I was more involved in their play. They didn't play out until they were about 11. There were no soft plays etc until they were maybe 5/6 but we would do days out to seaside or museums. We also did uk holidays until they were a bit older.

I was born in the 80s. As a toddler I think we did playgroups/mum & toddler groups and also lots of coffee morning type things at peoples houses where the mums drank tea and we played (these were fairly chaotic and we were pretty much unsupervised I remember a window being broken, pet fish being accidentally killed, kids biting each other etc). I did enjoy them though. Also playing in the garden (my mum definitely did play with me as I remember it), playing with children on our road, going to the park. I don’t think we went soft play/farms etc until we were more like 8/9/10 but this may have been for financial reasons rather than that people didn’t go?

You are putting pressure on yourself though. Take a step back from social media and don't compare your family to anyone else's.

My mum had 4 kids, was a sahm and we had to fit into her routine. She wasn't the kind of mum who sweat the small stuff and definitely wasn't a slave to nap times and neither am I. We entertained ourselves and her form of play was getting us involved in baking and household chores, setting up freeplay, reading, have us play in the garden whilst she hung clothes to dry or being the ref whilst we played football and she drank a cup of tea sat down in the garden. We were bored sometimes and she'd challenge us to find a way out of it and we inevitably would.

Today mine have played together after breakfast, tidied their rooms (attempts were made) and have gone swimming for their weekly lesson. Once back we are starting our ramadan crafts to get them excited for it starting. After that they can either eatch a film or play. We are having cheese and onion pasties for dinner, I will make the mixture and they can make their pasties into whatever shapes they like. Yesterday they went to see their gran and played with cousins whilst I was at work. Adults were present to intervene if necessary but they were playing together.