Parenting toddlers 80s/90s

[oneandonlygreg]

I was chatting to my mum and was aging I liked to try and take my 2 year old outside everyday. She was saying that she never felt she needed to take us out as toddlers everyday, and we never used to go to soft plays or anything like that because there weren't really any in the area.
I'm just interested to know what other people's thoughts are on this. What else would you say has changed? There's no real reason for this other than I'm feeling a bit sad about how the world is at the moment and really wish we had the simplicity of the 90s (even though I was only young at the time).

@Pickled21 I think it all depends on your family set up. Definitely being left free range, in a nice area, with family members around to check you're ok is better than being stuck inside with only a screen, whilst your mum is stuck on her laptop until 7pm. But some kids have a better quality of life now, and some kids in the 80s and 90s had a worse one. We were just reminiscing about some old bloke on out estate, he was in his seventies, we used to hang out in his house all weekend and after school. He used to buy us booze and fags, we're talking about 13- 16 year old kids, and we'd turn up with five or so friends. Luckily he never touched us! But was he just lonely? What was in it for him??
My kids will never have that. I won't just let them hang out on the streets. And that is both sad and necessary.

Thanks everyone - I have loved reading your replies. Perhaps I'm both nostalgic and nosy!

I had my 2 DC in the 90’s, I worked 2 days a week, I would take them out most days either shopping, to the park, play groups and a local Tumbletots. On the days I worked my MIL came over, she sometimes took them out to the park or back to her house, which they loved.

I think a lot depends on your toddler.
My dc1 needed to get outside and running about every day. That was then the habit we were in (and dc1 still needed it) when dc2 came along.

Had dc2 been my firstborn, I don't think I'd have necessarily gone out every day - they were much more content to sit and play with things at home.

That said, no, I never went to soft play (except when they were invited to birthday parties once at school) as they were not in our budget, and, quite frankly even if they were, they just were not nice.

So, your Mum might not have gone out and about as much as you do, but that is nothing to do with the year you were born, and everything to do with either differences between you and your Mum or differences between you as a toddler and your own toddler.

Late 90s toddlers - there was no soft play but outside definitely existed! Would take mine out for walks, so the shopping or go to the park/playground most days, or we'd go swimming or similar, in order to make the day interesting and get some exercise/fresh air.

I did it because it felt like the right thing to do for all of us, not because there was any pressure to.

If there was a day when it didn't feel worth it or someone was ill or the weather was horrible - we didn't go 🤷🏻‍♀️

I took mine (around 2000) out everyday from birth but it wasn't always centred around them, often it was to walk the 7 blocks to the supermarket at 2pm when they reduced the prices!

My eldest learned to read and do maths from adverts on buses but often we were going to do my work (mystery shopping, was surprisingly lucrative, paid for our holidays)

@CasuirDubh

My dc fitted into our schedule, so much easier, and double buggies are perfect to nap in or whilst at an evening out. I had no childcare

This. I grew up in the 80s and you were expected to fit into adults routines. I probably have the imagination I do because of spending time sitting through things that would now be considered too adult for a primary school child (concerts, long formal meals, church services etc). I used to dream up stories if I was bored as complaining would have been unthinkable.

I think safety has changed a great deal. My mum was happy for me from around the age of 2 to go downstairs in the morning while she was sleeping get myself out a cup of water or milk from the fridge that she would make the night before, get a cereal box and eat from the cereal box and turn the TV on by myself and I'd eat and watch TV or play for a good hour or two before she even got up.

@ShiftySquirrel this just unlocked a childhood memory for me! My grandad used to hide 'treasure' in his vegetable patch and we'd dig to find it. I didn't realise till much older that he'd actually hid it there. I also used to go into their neighbours houses to see all their kids- they were a big Irish family with loads of kids so I loved going round there! If I spent the day at my other nans house, I'd go down the market with her and then back home to help her cook dinner while she chain smoked and then I'd tinker around in her bar. They all passed by the time I was about 7/8 but I have great memories. My Nan had a hoover thing but it was manual and a black and white tv and gas meter and I remember being obsessed with them, oh and her outdoor toilet!

I was an 80s child (born 1980) and my mum was back to work FT at 3 months. I was with my grandparents 8-6 every day who chain smoked and I got pneumonia and nearly died. They did give up the smoking after that (though I’m asthmatic now). There was no indoor play, but we did used to go to children’s farms and playgrounds same as today. I played outside every day, but I also watched a lot of tv (mostly talk shows and soaps as very little children’s programming).

I think my dc probably had a more enriching childhood. They have 2 involved parents and they probably have more life experience of different things, travel, different foods, people. But I did love my grandparents and they were the best thing about my childhood (my dc don’t have grandparents who ever do any childcare or ever take them for a day out or have a sleepover like mine did).

Smacking was not acceptable in the 90s and fewer smoked your post sounds more like the 70s.
Toddler groups, parks, NCT groups, baby clinic were normal.

I had a daughter early 80s and one early 90s.
I took them to the library for toddler story time.
Took them to parent and toddler swimming.
Other than that we spent time at the park a lot.. going to museums and places like Eureka and York railway museum... always out and about.. we did loads of crafts and baking at home.

My first 2 DC were born early 90’s , I worked full time so during the week they were at nursery. Weekends went to parks, walks, visited friends and family, when they were older occasionally visit to cinema or zoo etc, younger two born early 2000s same really but more cinema and swimming due to age gap so we could all go out together.

I don't recognise that at all.

Dangers of smoking were well know then. I mean, obviously there were parents that smoked, same as there are now, but the dangers were well known.

Same with hitting. It certainly wasn't commonplace.

"Unsupervised in incredibly dangerous situations" ? Without examples, difficult to know what you mean here, but again, in most parents situations, I don't think that was commonplace.

Sorry you didn't have a great childhood.

I was born in 90 and my sisters in 95. My mum absolutely did not do any specific toddler activities with us, unless it was a special occasion eg a birthday. We watched TV, played in the garden or went to visit family - where we’d also watch TV or play in the garden 😂

Not to quite the same extent, but I don’t feel the need to entertain my toddler every day. He’s in nursery 2 days a week and the days he’s home with me one of them we might go to a group or the park or library, but the rest of the time he’s running errands with me or just pottering about at home. We do things as a family on a Sunday usually, we’ll visit a NT property or a nicer further away park, or eg the sea life centre. My friend has a toddler the same age and every single day without fail she’s uploading pictures of them at a group, class, library, some outing or paid activity. I haven’t the funds or the energy for that!

When I was a toddler in the 80s my mother did an informal playgroup - or more like a nursery really - with three other local SAHMs: each one would, one morning per week, have all four kids in their house for a few hours, do activities and have a snack etc. So each mum would get three free mornings per week. Seems like a brilliant idea now! Although with so many more women working now it would probably be much harder to find three other like-minded parents living close enough to make it convenient.

@somewhereinsuburbia
I talked about free play at home, in my garden or at my kids gran's. I never mentioned allowing them to play outside without supervision because that's not something I'm keen on. My parents didn't allow it as we lived on a main road and then on a very busy street. What i was trying to get at is that I don't think micromanaging every day off is necessary. It puts unnecessary pressure on parents to keep their kid occupied when actually letting them be bored isn't a bad thing.

I was working full time - the childminder cost £72 per week. Weekends we used to go out on hikes or to parks. DS had to fit in with our preferences on the whole and I wasn’t bothered about having a routine. No snacks or constant water drinking.

My mum doesn’t drive so when dad was working we were going for a walk, but mostly me and my sister were playing at home when my mum was busy cooking, cleaning. When dad was home we were going swimming, going to the sea for day trips etc., so I’d still say they were organising our time. I have a toddler now and I don’t feel the pressure for endless soft plays. We go once in a bluemoon. But we go for walks and he goes to nursery full time so it keeps him entertained too.

I had 2010s toddlers and didn't spend out on soft play very often. Then we decided to sell our house in the Autumn (and it fell through so again on Winter) - we got a 3 month pass to Wacky Warehouse because:

• I didn't want the kids home during viewings
• It was too cold and importantly dark to hang around the park in the early evening
• I did want the house to stay clean
• I hadn't heard of UPFs yet so would occasionally eat tea there.

When my brother and sister were little (early 80s) my parents used to drive to parties and leave them outside in the car playing/sleeping until they were ready to go home - probably drink driving home too!

My children were born in the late 90s.

I did like to get them out every day for fresh air and exercise on the days I didn't work, but usually that was just the local recreation ground or playing in the garden. Or we'd go for a walk, with me carrying the little one in a backpack type carrier while the older one walked. They also played in the road with other children on bikes/trikes/scooters (with parents watching on).

There was no permanent soft play centre locally until the younger one was about 4 but before that the local leisure centre had a bouncy castle session once a week for pre-schoolers and we often went there in the winter. Other options for wet days were the swimming pool and the library for a story session. I also used to take them to Tumble Tots once a week.

Happy days!

Again, this is clearly an issue with your parents, not a whole generation.

I passed my test in 1981, and it was well known by everyone at that time not to drink and drive. I'd have been a small child in the 60s and my parents wouldn't have left us outside in the car when they went to a party.

I was just sharing my experience, never said it wasn’t a “my parents” issue.