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Original poster

Ugh Facebook friend request from ex….

27 replies

Thedarknessssss · 08/02/2025 21:16

I left ex 25 years ago after meeting my now husband. Ex and I had only been married 6 months but we’d been together 7 years (I know, I know) but in my defence I was young and should never have have stayed with him in the first place. No kids and a fairly amicable break up in the end.

I’ve bumped into him a few times since, we’ve had a brief chat and always been quite pleased that things have turned out well for one another - he remarried and had children and I married my husband and also now have adult children.

He’s now just sent me a FB friend request as we have about 6 mutual friends. Part of me doesn’t see the harm in it and he’ll see I’m very happily married still (I very much hope he is too) the other half wonders of his motive. I’m a typical people pleaser and hate offending people but I don’t want to hurt my husbands feelings either (that’s the most important thing to me).

WWYD? Is it weird to accept?

OP posts:
Lifestooshort71 · 08/02/2025 21:17

No it's not weird.

Mrsknowitall · 08/02/2025 21:19

Put the shoe on the other foot, if this was your dh about to accept a request from an ex would you be completely fine with it?

personally no I don’t think it’s normal and wouldn’t have my ex’s on fb

Vallmo47 · 08/02/2025 21:19

Mention it to your husband and say you don’t mind either way but don’t want it to become weird. Then if he thinks it’s best to leave it, that’s exactly where it’s left.

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GoldMoon · 08/02/2025 21:20

He may have been just stalking your page and having a cheeky look .
I think I'd pass . I've blocked my ex and his girlfriend ( divorced many years ) because I don't need to know anything about his life .

Original poster
Thedarknessssss · 08/02/2025 21:21

No, and that’s what I’m thinking. I wouldn’t like it if DH had his ex on there but on the other hand shed see all the lovely things we do and places we go. I wouldn’t feel threatened by her, he’s married to me.

OP posts:
2025willbemytime · 08/02/2025 21:21

I'd be a no on this one.

chocolatetimeagain · 08/02/2025 21:22

Are you and he actually friends?

Original poster
Thedarknessssss · 08/02/2025 21:23

chocolatetimeagain · 08/02/2025 21:22

Are you and he actually friends?

No! We have mutual friends as we’re in the same kind of line of work. That’s how we’ve bumped into each other twice in 25 years.

We chatted, it was all friendly, very happy for one another that we’d remarried and gone on to have happy families.

OP posts:
GoldMoon · 08/02/2025 21:25

Why does it matter that your dh ex might see you've had a nice day / weekend / meal out ?

Original poster
Thedarknessssss · 08/02/2025 21:30

GoldMoon · 08/02/2025 21:25

Why does it matter that your dh ex might see you've had a nice day / weekend / meal out ?

I wouldn’t want him to think there was even the slightest chance that I’d ever be interested in anything.
I left him and I know he was devastated.

You know, now I’ve thought it through I don’t want him knowing anything about me in any great detail, I don’t know his motives even though it’s many years on.

Facebook should be for people that you are comfortable with knowing things about you and I wouldn’t be with him, I’ll delete the request.

OP posts:
Pieandchips999 · 08/02/2025 21:36

Definitely delete the request. It sounds like you didn't want to be Facebook friends anyway and you were just being people pleasing.

2025willbemytime · 08/02/2025 21:36

Why would your ex seeing that you've had a nice day out with your current husband mean he might think you want him back?

tellitonthemountains · 08/02/2025 21:39

No, it’s fine. Accept if you’re happy to; if you don’t feel comfortable, don’t

tellitonthemountains · 08/02/2025 21:40

Thedarknessssss · 08/02/2025 21:30

I wouldn’t want him to think there was even the slightest chance that I’d ever be interested in anything.
I left him and I know he was devastated.

You know, now I’ve thought it through I don’t want him knowing anything about me in any great detail, I don’t know his motives even though it’s many years on.

Facebook should be for people that you are comfortable with knowing things about you and I wouldn’t be with him, I’ll delete the request.

Show quote history

There is a restricted option too – you can accept but limit what they see. But if you want to delete the request, just do that

Original poster
Thedarknessssss · 08/02/2025 21:45

I’ve deleted it, I just needed justification that it wasn’t a rude, horrible thing to do.
I don’t know his motive, what if suddenly after all these years he fancied some revenge or something. Nope, he’s not someone I’d want to be ‘friends’ with so why should I have him on my private FB.

OP posts:
FofB · 08/02/2025 21:46

It's fine to ignore it. Do you want him peering in on your life- a life you've built without him? If not, just don't press yes.

WilmaTitsDrop · 08/02/2025 21:49

If you're not actually friends, then just ignore the request.

It's not a big deal.

Chuchoter · 08/02/2025 21:58

Just leave the request so that you neither accept or decline it.

He can then decide whether to delete it or not once he realises you are not going to accept it

TammyJones · 09/02/2025 07:52

Thedarknessssss · 08/02/2025 21:45

I’ve deleted it, I just needed justification that it wasn’t a rude, horrible thing to do.
I don’t know his motive, what if suddenly after all these years he fancied some revenge or something. Nope, he’s not someone I’d want to be ‘friends’ with so why should I have him on my private FB.

You've done the right thing
He may have even sent it by mistake/ caught a wrong button.

coodawoodashooda · 09/02/2025 07:54

Thedarknessssss · 08/02/2025 21:45

I’ve deleted it, I just needed justification that it wasn’t a rude, horrible thing to do.
I don’t know his motive, what if suddenly after all these years he fancied some revenge or something. Nope, he’s not someone I’d want to be ‘friends’ with so why should I have him on my private FB.

You don't invite the wolf dressed in sheep's clothing into your house.

tellitonthemountains · 09/02/2025 07:56

coodawoodashooda · 09/02/2025 07:54

You don't invite the wolf dressed in sheep's clothing into your house.

Show quote history

lol he probably just thought of her and wondered how she’s doing

This thread is v funny

tellitonthemountains · 09/02/2025 07:57

Chuchoter · 08/02/2025 21:58

Just leave the request so that you neither accept or decline it.

He can then decide whether to delete it or not once he realises you are not going to accept it

yeah this is what I would do if I didn’t want to accept. If you delete, they can see because their pending request disappears

Original poster
Thedarknessssss · 09/02/2025 08:32

tellitonthemountains · 09/02/2025 07:57

yeah this is what I would do if I didn’t want to accept. If you delete, they can see because their pending request disappears

Show quote history

Ah does it, oh well never mind, mine and my husband’s feelings are more important (despite me hating being rude to people) 🫣

OP posts:
Starboy14 · 09/02/2025 08:41

I don't see the problem. You were a part of his life for a few years. Some people are more sentimental as they age. I do think it's funny how people seem to think their exes are just dying to get back with them from a simple friend request! Although women are known for reading into things far too much. Some people are more adult than others I think.

rainbowstardrops · 09/02/2025 09:15

I wouldn't have a problem with accepting it but I'd probably run it past my husband first. I wouldn't have a problem with DH accepting an invite from his ex either. It was years ago and you've both moved on.

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