I'm a non-driver, but very used to getting to places by public transport. I often feel a bit uncomfortable when people stop their cars and expect me to get in and take a lift. Do any of you feel the same?

[Winterysun]

I know people mean well, and if it's pouring with rain/I'm running late the offer is much appreciated! But I feel uncomfortable with people suddenly pulling up next to me, loudly beeping and insisting I get in their car, right now! These are all people I know, obviously. 😀

I'm fairly introverted I suppose, so can be lost in my own thoughts when sat at a bus stop with a coffee, doing my easy 15 mins walk to work (this is several times a week so I'm well used to it) and I don't mind the walk.

People seem offended if I refuse, but I felt uncomfortable with this just the other day! I was wandering along, podcast in ear, with plenty of time to get where I was going. Suddenly I heard 'Do you want a lift, we're heading to town too!'
Didn't recognise car, then realised it was ex-neighbour & husband. Said thanks but no, then she insisted again. Problem was, I couldn't find the doorhandle! It was a new car with button on 'hidden' panel if that makes sense. Her husband rolled his eyes, embarrassingly! Then a complicated seatbelt arrangement from ceiling which neighbour had to help me with.

Once in town, as I got out her dh sad 'Oh you managed to figure out the door THIS time then'! I felt embarrassed tbh, would have been easier for me to carry on walking! It wasn't far.

Similar has happened before, ie, I haven't realised a car had stopped/failed to recognise someone's car (I'm not expecting to see them) or looking forward to a quiet bus journey!

I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but it's easer for me to just carry on! Anyone else feel the same?

The key is not to break stride - give a big cheery wave as you march on: "Not at all, I prefer to walk, see you later!" They'd have to kerb crawl to keep trying to persuade you.

@Bwoaolkk's story is batshit crazy. Aside from anything else, I have never offered - or been offered - cash for a short, unsolicited lift from an acquaintance - surely this hasn't become the norm?!

I do drive but yes this would make me uncomfortable too. If I am getting the train I like to sit alone and read or listed to something and not have to make small talk.

I once overheard my MIL slagging me off for accepting a lift from them when they pulled in after seeing me at the bus stop. The bus would have dropped me off much closer to my destination than the free parking spot they usually chose, but no, I had obviously divined that they were going to drive past and scampered to the bus stop to con them into offering a lift I didn't want. She would have been equally disgusted if I refused. They could never quite understand that a certain point at the bottom end of town was closer to my house than their usual parking spot, so I spent a lot of time trudging with my shopping and waiting for them to finish theirs if they ever spotted me.
Use your words, Mrs Crumpet, I know, but sometimes it's easier to try not to offend.

Yes the problem isn’t being offered a lift, I know they’re being nice. It’s when they don’t take no for an answer and it ends up being really awkward and you end up almost being bullied into having to accept a lift you don’t want or have them get annoyed with you for refusing. I offer people lifts myself but as soon as they say no thanks I accept that and go on my way.

Yes this. ^ I am really glad that it's not just me that this happens to. I thought I was going mad when people kept offering me lifts - and then getting really annoyed and irked and giving me dirty looks when I refused, because I wanted to walk.

As I said in my post on the previous page - I've had offers in the last couple of months of three lifts from people I don't know, two women and one man. I'm definitely not getting into a car with a man I don't know, and I won't even get into a car with a woman I don't know. They could be anybody! I am NOT putting my safety and well being at risk.

When I say I don't want a lift, take no for an answer. Don't try to bully me into getting into your car, you fucking weirdo. 😆 Why are so many people offended by people refusing a lift?!

.

I don't drive and sometimes I wish people would offer especially when the weather is bad

That's fine, that's up to you. Other people are allowed to refuse lifts though. Many people prefer to walk. And no WAY should anyone be taking lifts off strangers. And as some posters have said, even if you know that person, it's sometimes weird and awkward sitting in someone else's car, being driven by them. Especially if you have said no several times and they have bullied you into getting in. I mean I wouldn't be bullied into a lift if I didn't want one, but some might be.

@AppropriateAdult "@Bwoaolkk's story is batshit crazy. Aside from anything else, I have never offered - or been offered - cash for a short, unsolicited lift from an acquaintance - surely this hasn't become the norm?!"

Well, in the bizarre Mumsnet world of tally keeping I'm sure you are expected to "reciprocate" a lift, either in cash or in kind....

I find this thread quite baffling. Are fully grown adult women seriously, genuinely walking across entire towns like teenagers with backpacks?! I'm not referring to using public transport of course, people of all ages and for all reasons, use buses & trains obviously. But walking everywhere beyond your early twenties is unusual- at least for where I live - not to mention bloody dangerous if dark.
Do your husbands not drive either?
You would certainly get some funny looks in my semi-rural town. Very unusual

I find this attitude very strange tbh, it goes to show that we're all different I suppose!

I walk a lot and use public transport. We specifically chose our house as it's a 10-15 minute walk to a town centre, bus station and railway station. We walk into town on a Saturday to do our food shop for example.

My DH does drive but I don't expect him to give me lifts everywhere. And he also likes to walk where possible.

I find 'Can'tStopBuyingSeeds' post quite strange, too! Myself & my dh also live centrally, bus stops & train stations all very close, and several taxi companies nearby.

No, my dh doesn't drive either (we both had lessons years ago, but it just didn't come naturally to either of us). We like walking, and are very comfortable with public transport.

I don't walk on my own in the dark, obviously not! If I'm coming back from somewhere late I'll take a taxi. But where we live (just outside city centre) it's really not unusual for people of any age to walk, bus or train.

It would be if we lived rurally maybe, but we've positioned ourselves centrally deliberately! Actually we don't walk as far as people think we do, we're often walking just 10 mins downhill to bus stop, or just round the corner to train station. People say 'Oh you must walk miles!' Our answer - 'Er, not really!'😀
Unless we do a day trip to the coast, then we do some lovely long walks out of choice.

What an odd post.

I've been a fully grown adult for over 40 years, and been able to drive for longer. But I choose to walk places sometimes, for a combination of reasons.

What on earth is wrong with carrying your things in a backpack ?

What does my dh have to do with this ? ( now even more )

Why would anyone get funny looks for walking anywhere?
How do you differentiate between people walking to the station or bus stop (which you think is normal) and people walking because it is better for everyone if people who are able walk on those shorter journeys (which you apparently find 'baffling') ?

What in the what what what?

Walking is awesome. It's free. It's healthy. It's meditative. It's great for your mental health. I do drive, but driving is a pain and walking is great. And I don't melt after dark. I've walked to some amazing places, many - hold onto your hat - not accessible by car at all.

It's deeply sad that you've confined your own life because you think that walking is a "teenage" 🤔thing.

What a weird post. Everyone around here (close to a city centre, hospitals, university) generally walks or cycles unless they’re headed somewhere distant. Men and women. Surgeons, architects, academics etc. Why wouldn’t you? Generally quicker, more pleasant, good for fitness.

Just say a cheery 'No thanks!' if you don't want a lift OP. I would always offer if I was heading in the same direction as someone walking/taking public transport, but I'd never be offended if they declined.

Oh I've been waiting for the opportunity to post about this, but not felt it worth it's own thread. Seems many of us have the same issue though.

My work runs a park and ride from the hospital site to a car park on the edge of town . On days when I don't have the car, I take the bus and walk from there, it only saves me a few minutes but it's up a big hill and a busy-ish road. My walk home from the car park is through a couple of fields, some woods and a lane.

The horror this inspires in some people - especially if it's raining or dark - is incredible. There's one particular bus driver, who when he first discovered I do this, after chit chat in the bus one day I was the only passenger, drove past the car park and continued to the village I live in to drop me off, saying "I can't let you walk in the dark".

can't let me?!

I wasn't aware I needed his permission. And yes, it's dark, and yes, many people would prefer not to, but I am an adult woman who has done her own risk assessment thank you very much and a man who refuses to let me out of the vehicle we are in and drives me to a place I didn't ask to go is more frightening than anything I've encountered in those woods.

As for the 'teenagers with backpacks' comment, I have a beautiful Radley rucksack that I use as my work bag. It gives me joy every time I use it. 😁

I do drive (although I didn’t have a car at the time of my earlier story). But I CHOOSE to walk where I can, as well as doing a couple of leisure walks each week. My big grocery shop I do in the car, for ease of getting it home but if I only need a few things then I walk. I love walking and find driving and trying to park far more of a faff.

It's lovely and kind when people offer lifts. But fgs, when someone says no thanks, just bloody accept it. My walk to work is literally the only alone time I have.

Also the amount of times I've been taken further away from where I need to be, by someone who thinks they're doing me a massive favour, is unbelievable.

I used to walk a lot, just to get from A to B. I loathe all other forms of exercise, for a start. I'll be walking again once the joints have been mended.

It's not so much offers of lifts as the attitude that I'm a loser if I walk - that and the catcalling by men from passing vehicles (in middle age, BTW).

Well, I and my fat loser arse will undoubtedly live longer than the judgey types and the catcallers, so meh.

@Laszlomydarling "Also the amount of times I've been taken further away from where I need to be, by someone who thinks they're doing me a massive favour, is unbelievable."

Sorry??

Does anyone else do solo walking holidays, btw? I did my first solo one last year and to my surprise, I found it a deeply spiritual experience. It made me understand pilgrimages.

@Bwoaolkk that’s crazy cf’ery right there!

Which bit was unclear?

I'd love to know where you live - not in a stalkerish way but more that this does not ring true with me at all.
I live in a semi-rural (fair sized) town, public transport patchy and car parking really expensive. Loads of people walk (with backpacks or shoulder bags). I live around a mile from the town centre, it is very usual for me and most people living near me to walk or cycle to town. Loads of older people walk as well, it's really nice.
It's a great way of keeping healthy too.
Because I do have a car I don't really get offered lifts (unless sudden rain) as I assume that people think I chose to walk.