Curious about the school of thought that embracing death results in a better life.

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I have had health anxiety for 20 years. With the help of a wonderful GP I eventually found a medication that has zapped the anxiety. I have been free of HA for five years.

Being terrified to die, when you aren't even ill is awful - obvs not as awful as the real thing though, and I have been reflecting on this.

There is a school of thought - mostly seen on TV shows (in my experience) - so likely anecdotal, that embracing death and not fearing it is the key to being happy. I am not able (even with meds) to consider my own end with anything other than fear. I would love to be really free of that fear - is that just bollocks and impossible?

Curious on other perspectives.

I think it's that fearing death means you aren't living life to the fullest because you've got that constant fear in your life. Whereas if you accept it then your life will be richer because you're free of that niggling fear. That's my take on it anyway. I'm not scared of death itself, more what will happen for my DH and ds if it happens

Wondering if you ever feared death, and you got over it, or if you are at peace with it by default?

I understand Op I used to feel like this.

Weirdly the thing that helped was going under general anaesthetic!

I can pin point the moment I ‘went’ and still remember it now, but obviously I remember nothing after.

For me this is how I imagine death to be, I’ll be aware of it for a split second and that’s it, I won’t even know! I’ll be sad to miss my family I imagine but the awareness I suspect is fleeting. But for some reason this helped.

There’s a section about death in Derren Brown’s book “Happy” that really helped me. I’d really recommend it.

I think you can be helped to feel less afraid of suffering at end of life by knowing what a normal death looks like and that for most people, the process of dying is a gentle fading.
Those feelings about the sadness of leaving people you love are harder. acceptance and commitment therapy can make those feelings less powerful and allow you to live the life you want.
also medication for mood and anxiety has its place. I wouldn’t be here without it

I fully embrace my eventual death.
It’s 100% going to happen, the only questions left are simply how and when.

So I avoid crossing the road without looking.

And helps me live a sort of ‘clocks ticking, every day counts as times not unlimited’ life and often find myself thinking “ok stop dithering, just do it, or don’t do it, in 50 years no one will care either way, especially me as I’ll be dead lol”.

It’s very liberating in many ways, I genuinely live a good life and don’t sweat the small stuff.

I have never understood the fear of death, because you can't feel emotions once you're dead - there's just nothing. I can't see anything scary or unappealing in that.

I do understand the fear of dying though - ie not wanting a slow, painful decline. That must be horrific, so I'd prefer to avoid it!

Perhaps some people confuse the two, which means they say they fear death?

I used to think that embracing my fears helped when they happened, like my father's death. He had some health risks, so I tried to acquaint myself with the idea and run it through and picture it, work out how I'd react. It didn't help at all, made it worse really. Worrying while there was time to enjoy his last days. So WRT my own life's end, I simply live in gratitude for each dawn in my life, and that's it. For example, I'm happy I can run today, I enjoy the moment, my physical body and its slow decline. It doesn't matter whether I can run tomorrow.

I had a sudden, close, premature bereavement in childhood so I've always accepted mortality.

My aim is to live as well as I can for as long as I can. It's quality I care about more than pure quantity.

I'm clearly not enthused about the end stages of mortality or in any rush to get there, but the fact that life is finite doesn't concern me. I'm glad I'm not immortal, I'd get bored and really pissed off with humanity's talent for creating new ways to bullshit

I think accepting death as a natural part of life is important. Also, knowing we have a cut-off point can drive us on to live life to the fullest and appreciate everything we've got. Imagine if you never died - the tedium of living every single day just like the last. You go around the world a few times because you've got all the time in the world and nothing seems new or exciting any more. Going round the world is boring. You get tired of everyone around you because they go on and on and on forever and you get tired of yourself. I'm scared of what my upcoming MRI might show, but that makes me eternally grateful to be waking up every day knowing that the clock is still ticking for now.

This thread has sent me wondering. I am 60, never really worry about my death. My DH and I consider it from time to time, re graves, DNR, etc. But rarely progress from abstract thought to practical action. I would say that I never worry about death at all. I know it will happen, have sat by my very much loved father's death bed, have lost other friends and family. But despite this, I don't worry about at it all. I wonder why some people worry so much and some not at all when we are all going the same way?

I am a practicing Buddhist. To me, life and death are the sides of the same coin. I remember reading Professor David Fontana's book "Is there Afterlife?" That was shortly after my mum passed away. I couldn't fly over to see my mum as it was the beginning of the Covid epidemic and I couldn't get into the country. It was very traumatic. I remember reading through so much evidence of people making contact with the deceased and lamenting the fact that nothing out of ordinary ever happened to me. I was chanting an ancient Buddhist chant Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo for hours every day trying to convey to my mum I haven't abandoned her. Then I had the most incredible experience. I lost all fear of death after that

I litterally said to my daughter today everyone is going to die it's the main thing we all have in common

I'm a Catholic who practices their faith eg regular church and sacraments etc, death is part if what we live for! I genuinely have no fear of death. The sorrow of grief is the price we pay for love

For me to know I was loved and have loved is enough. Also when someone dies who I love or know others loved that is a life that touched others.

I think whatever people say, the vast majority of human being have a fairly well evolved survival instinct. Most people want to fight as hard as they can against the possibility of death. Most people don't want to die, and that's why it's scary.

I did fear it a long time ago but I've had alot of bad shit happen to me so 🤷 I doubt anyone isn't scared of death just by default

I had a horror of death, but have gradually gotten over it. I find it helps to avoid death memoirs/news stories about people with terminal cancer etc. For me a lot of it is about the sadness of life over, leaving loved ones, the nothingness. But struggling with that is a universal and timeless human experience. If those feelings arise I notice them and let them pass through.

Do you know that feeling OP, when you have really bad flu and you don’t care about anything? All you can do is lie there feeling completely apathetic. My experience of seeing people die is that it is mostly like that. It is not wretched in the way you imagine because when someone is dying they are not gripping onto life in the way you do when you’re healthy.

When someone we love dies a lot of the awful grief is about the loss we feel, the life cut short. I do find that when some time has passed I can get some solace from the idea that the life wasn’t cut short - it was always meant to be as long as it was and I can feel huge gratitude for the time I did have with the person.

You can probably tell I’ve thought about this a lot! Pleased for you that your HA has eased. What a relief that must be.

I work in a funeral home and find it to be incredibly life affirming. Oddly in a way, it resolved any concerns I felt about death previously, and the transition is so often a peaceful and loving one.

I used to have bad death anxiety, especially in my late teens and then again when my kids were little.

Then we lost 3 grandparents in 1 year. And especially with my grandma, I just felt that my worry about death decreased dramatically, because I feel that whatever happens when we die, she’s already done it - if there is anything afterwards, then she’s there. We all have to go through it, like being born.

I had hypnotherapy to help with the fear, fear instilled in me by the Catholic church I might add....helped a lot

I don't want to die yet, obviously, mostly because I love living and I would hate to leave the DC while they are still young. But it doesn't scare me. I know deep in my bones that being dead is just like it was being not-born; there is no me, there is no pain, no consciousness, no longing, there is nothing to fear. This is the swallow flying briefly through the firelit room, and no more.

It is still most likely several decades away, of course, and it would not be surprising if my feelings for it changed before then. But I saw my GM trapped in a rotting body for years and years before she went, most of it conscious and infuriated. I wished for death for her, ever day. It would have been better. Pain and suffering are to be feared; death isn't.

I don’t fear dying as such but I fear leaving my kids, and not being there for them any more.

Can I be INCREDIBLY nosy OP and ask what medicine has helped you? I have struggled with health anxiety for over a decade now.

Weirdly though, it has been a lot more manageable since my mum was diagnosed with a terminal illness in November. She is not very old and it was a complete shock and for some reason seemed to 'reset' my death anxiety in a way and I can't really explain why. Maybe I just realised how pointless the worry is, my mum was always worried too, but if she hadn't been it wouldn't have changed anything, she is still going to die much sooner than we thought, and her last years could have been much happier had she gotten on top of her anxiety.

Even weirder still is SHE is less anxious now that she 'knows' she is dying, she said she spent most of her life waiting for bad news and now she has it and can get on with her life!

I also recognised that this was a cycle of anxiety that had been past down several generations deep and I didn't want to spread this fear into my own DC's. I haven't embraced death, but I have recognised that it can be so random that worrying about it completely and utterly pointless.

Sorry to hear you have had health anxiety OP, that sounds really tough but great that you have a handle on it now 💚

I don't fear death, it's the great unknown, having just lost my Mum recently if there was even the slightest chance I would see her again in death, albeit briefly, then that is something I will never fear. And if there is nothing I'll be none the wiser and finally enjoy my sleep!

And there it is, the distinction between our imagination and dealing with reality.

I hope your MRI goes well. 💐 💐 💐

Your Mum sounds very brave, as do you.

I tried about five different medications at different dosages - eventually Sertraline at 100mg did the trick.

Thank you for your post - it's really odd - I totally understand how your Mum feels. To be really free because the worst has happened might be the best case scenario.