Curious about the school of thought that embracing death results in a better life.

[colinthedogfromaccounts]

I have had health anxiety for 20 years. With the help of a wonderful GP I eventually found a medication that has zapped the anxiety. I have been free of HA for five years.

Being terrified to die, when you aren't even ill is awful - obvs not as awful as the real thing though, and I have been reflecting on this.

There is a school of thought - mostly seen on TV shows (in my experience) - so likely anecdotal, that embracing death and not fearing it is the key to being happy. I am not able (even with meds) to consider my own end with anything other than fear. I would love to be really free of that fear - is that just bollocks and impossible?

Curious on other perspectives.

Thank you for this suggestion. I will look into it.

"It is not death that a man should fear, but rather he should fear never beginning to live.” —Marcus Aurelius

Stoic philosophy has helped me move from fearing death to accepting it - it's incredibly liberating and I intend to live fully whilst I'm here.

Spot on. My survival instincts have gone batshit though. Death is to be avoided at all costs, including having a truly happy life.

At my worst when my HA was in full control, I could not even walk past a doctor's surgery and would have morbid thoughts when driving past a hospital.

It's a completely ridiculous way to live - given the outcome is absolutely certain.

What was the experience?

I think of death as the same as birth. We go through it alone. It's probably painful but the pain is forgotten. So as we've all already done that, there really is nothing to fear.

I actually really agree with this
Having been with a number of family members at the end of their lives it reminded me so much of birth, it seemed so natural and it happens on its own time noone can dictate or hurry it along. The process of being with a loved one In their death felt alot like waiting for birth in a way. Another thing that reminded me nothing to fear!

I’m far more worried about the deaths of my loved ones than my own. I hope it will be peaceful and as pain free as possible but I mostly hope my loved ones remember me with a smile once the sadness passes. I’ll never stress about aging and embrace each decade as it comes.

I'm 67 and now and then the reality of my approaching death (and time seems incredibly speeded up now) hits me like a brick.

At those times I think What was it like for me before I was born? So I know there is nothing in death that can hurt me.

If there's an existence after death, great.
If there's Nothing I won't know about it.

Win-win.

I've never been afraid of death itself. I find death anxiety quite an odd thing to understand.

If there is nothing after death then you won't know or care. If there is an afterlife, then hopefully it will be better than this one and we will reunite with those who passed before us.

Unless it's a fear of God/Hell that people are experiencing?

I am in my 60's and when I was a child it was very common for older people to die at home. Grandparents often came to live with you when they could no longer be independent and end-of-life care took place at home. So in a sense death, at least when it came to the elderly, was considered completely normal and natural and nothing to be feared.

I think the modern emphasis on extending life at all costs rather than focusing on quality of life has led to an almost unnatural fear of death.

One advantage to getting older is that I've lost my fear of most things. If I have another decade or two...well, that would be nice, but I accept the inevitable and really don't fear it. I've had a full life so there's no anxiety about an "unfinished life" etc.

Maybe we've sanitized death too much, removed it to hospitals and care homes, developed ways to extend life to an unnatural extent? Talking to someone in their late 80's or 90's does give you an interesting perspective.

I’ve had 2 occasions where I thought my time was up. One was when I was getting attacked and there was a part of the attack that was obviously terrifying, but suddenly I felt just complete calm and had a “oh it’s time” moment. It wasn’t scary or painful, it was calm

I have a lot of animals and livestock (deadstock) and they teach you a lot about death. They fight to survive, but also know how to die.

I’m thankful of every day, because I know it can all change on a sixpence. I also expect to lose everyone I know, which means I don’t ever argue over stupid stuff and value our time together deliberately and consciously.

If you’d ever consider psychedelics such as magic mushrooms in a controlled setting somewhere in Holland you might have a breakthrough. You get such a separation from the ego part of your brain and you dissolve into the general consciousness of life that death is much less scary. It allows you to stop overly focussing on yourself and see the bigger picture.

It’s not for everyone but these drugs are being used with good success to treat resistant long term depression which shows how powerful they are.

They completely alter the way you see the world.

I think it's like before being born. You see family pics. You are not there?

I’ve never feared death itself. But I do worry about health being so bad I can’t ‘live’. Then pesky people trying to prevent voluntary euthanasia so want others to suffer horribly and for longer.

Another really interesting thing to think about. I have considered micro dosing for anxiety. I live in Aus though and I reckon it will be difficult to achieve in a controller setting.

I'm old and quite frail. Oddly, maybe to you, I've never feared death.

Death is inevitable. Once we are born, it's just about the only thing we can reliably depend on.

I sometimes fear the manner of my death, nobody want, to be in pain. But the decision of if I will be or not, is largely out of my hands, so I just roll with whatever comes my way.

Having said that, I've never had health anxiety, which I'm very glad about so I do have sympathy with you, opening poster, even though I cannot truly understand, because I've never been where you are.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately as I have been faced with my own mortality and it has prompted a lot of reflection.

I don’t fear dying, I sat with both my parents and held their hand as they passed away. They both died very peacefully. I remember thinking at the time, that death is not something to be frightened of and I hope that when my time comes it will be just as peaceful.

I think it’s important to break down what it is that you fear.

If someone walked into the room now and pointed a gun at me, I would of course be very scared. I don’t want to die, but when I think about it, I wouldn’t be afraid of actually dying – because once I’m dead, I’m no longer here to mind that I am dead. I would be scared because I don’t want to die yet – I would be scared that my time was about to run out – that there would be no time left for me to do anything.

If, on the other hand I am told that I have x number of years left, then it gives me time to do everything I want to do – or as much as possible in the time I have left. I can make the most of that time. It doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t prefer to have more time or another x number of years, but I would prefer to make peace with the reality and make the absolute best of it.

It’s not a great analogy but I can’t think of a better one right now. Imagine being scared of Mondays, you could spend all week being scared of Monday, but it’s not going to change the fact that Monday follows Sunday, it’s not going to stop Monday from happening. All it will do, is take up away your enjoyment of all the other days.

You asked if it’s possible to be free of your fear. Yes it’s absolutely possible. Fear is an emotion, it’s triggered by either a circumstance or a thought. If you understand what the thoughts are, then you can work through them and manage the emotion.

CBT might be something to think about?

I think this is true. Medicine has become focused on extending life in a way that sometimes seems absurd, and at the same time it has tabooed and obscured death.

I was a teenager when I watched my GM die over a period of years, and I think a lot of people now would criticise my DM for exposing me to that. And I'd tell them the truth, which is that they're dead wrong. That experience taught me a lot. It taught me with absolute certainty that there are worse things than death, and that living in rage and pain and indignity was a far worse fate than the peace of death.

I don't know if it's connected but I wasn't scared of giving birth either. I was scared of getting stuck in non progressing labour, but giving birth itself I looked forward to, and both times it was a very positive experience for me.

This will sound ridiculous but here's what worked for me. I watched a Canadian program called rescue medius. 2 women would wait until ghosts appeared, observe them for a bit, surround them with light and then the ghosts or spirits would move on. Quite often these women could see them being met by family members , or one time a priest as he was very troubled. Short version: they found peace.

Yes I was going to say, come and spend some time in the countryside op, where death is ever present in the midst of life. Where there is livestock, there is also dead stock. There are also the small creatures all around you whose daily life is a struggle against death; but many die anyway. Also, if you live as a farmer, because it's such a dangerous job, you live alongside the potential of death every day. Pretty soon, death will become part of your normality; as it should be for everyone. And you appreciate life so much more as a result.

Apologies for the late reply, it's been a crazy weekend. My account is a little bit too private to me to post on Mumsnet. However, it's in line with what has been reported in the literature. David Fontana has written a comprehensive review of evidence. His book is very academic and somewhat difficult to read. He was a Professor of Psychology department at the University of Plymouth, England until he passed away. Leslie Kean, a journalist with an interest of paranormal, compiled another review of evidence in her book Suriving Death. Both books are available on Amazon