Is your male alter ego a mumsnet ick ltb?

[GauntJudy]

Here's me as a man...

Single dad, middle manager. Spends weekends at home, sees his mum a lot. Gym 3 times a week. Personal hygiene OK although flossing routine could be better. Drives 15 year old car. Clean toilet, messy kitchen, shite cook. Doesn't believe in hobbies, instead I'd talk about tv, books and music.

Am I a catch?

Acts like his job is really important but always seems to be on mumsnet when supposedly in a high powered meeting so obvious he's just doing it to get out of family life. Also has taken up bizarre lockdown hobby that involves yet more time away from the family and soggy kit. Barks at partner and kids for not pulling their weight but often leaves shit everywhere and stuff half done. Hangs about with a bunch of weirdos who have meetings and think they're going to change the world.

@longestlurkerever Politician ? 😁

Oh I love this😂

Early 50s, overweight, separated and waiting for divorce and settlement! Living with my mother and 2 teens. Teens are gobby sometimes and stay up gaming but I won’t let anyone else criticise or discipline them.

Not working right now and can’t see when I will be. Suffer with mental health issues and on medication. Die my hair violet and probably wear rubbish clothes same style as when I was 20 and 5 stone lighter!

Struggle to get up some days but do keep on top of personal hygiene and teeth so I think I smell okay and nice. I think I am quite kind and I love animals. Not really interested in sex!

Form an orderly line ladies!! I would not date me!!

Early 40s, had a stereotypical midlife crisis involving a motorcycle and a half marathon. Smokes, drinks a bit, knows all the football results and will talk about them at length if given the opportunity. Gets on well with ex. Has catastrophic organisational skills but is aware of this and has systems in place to make sure the keys etc don’t get lost but this doesn’t come naturally. Neither do cooking or cleaning, but they still get done. I’d date me!

Knocking on 40 with a dad bod. Thinning hair. Works in IT, pretty dull hobbies (wildlife walk ladies?) but invariably stays out for one too many with the lads once a month and will be annoying when he gets home. Moans to his mum regularly. Personal hygiene great but partial to dressing like a tramp with a convoluted skin care routine as underneath the "I don't care" fashion sense he's actually quite vain.

50's , very obese, good cook , permanently knackered but cheerful and kind. Optimistic realist, who doesn't need a lot to be happy. No hobbies as such. Does far too much for everyone whilst having no expectation of any return, see permanently knackered !

I wouldn't fancy me, but would love me to move in and help me

50 year old public sector accountant with nice face but dad bod. Two teens at home. Reasonably fit but drinks too much with single friends. Aging raver/indie kid who hasn’t grown up. Extremely loyal. I’d date me 😁

@Daisyvodka Has expensive and elaborate hair routine that still results in completely unremarkable hair.
This made me laugh out loud!

Mid 50’s, single minded with new found selfish side, only a new and recent understanding of boundaries, controlling- annoyed if OH holds the remote, hate OH wearing anything they have picked themselves in public, banned OH from wearing tartan slippers, no noise for 1 hour on me returning to the homestead, cup of tea brought every morning, OH expected to listen to long self validating moans about work, poor listener, goes to bed at 8pm or earlier in separate room, sleep with a fan on or in winter -8 windows open all night, 1 cotton sheet only on bed. Intolerant, mental health issues and bad temper. Come and get me!!!

Mine's revolting. Picks his nose, showers too little, masturbates too much. Has short lived obsessions with inappropriate celebrities and leaves toenail clippings on the floor. Ick 🤮

Actually my male ‘alter ego’ is fucking awesome but the reality is dire and a massive ick.

This has been a mind fuck. Brilliant thread!

Late fifties. Carer to youngest son. Average cook. Decent baker. Epic and insurmountable crisp habit. At home hobby which causes regular zoning out of family life. Spends large part of day with headphones clamped over ears listening to audiobooks in order to maintain sanity. Very untidy. Disorganised. Procrastinator. Struggles with affection. Good listener. Loves a laugh. Cuts own hair🤣🤣

Jesus, I think I should probably leave myself.

Short mid forties and tubby. Was an early overachiever academic/music/sport. Still believes they are capable of all of the above - but clearly not. Can cook hates being late spends far too much time on tech when should be doing other things. Wears jeans and fleeces all the time.

bloody hell - i am wall to wall ick.

Definitely not a catch because..

1. I work part time minimum wage
2. Training for a marathon
3. Go to the gym 3 days a week
4. Will be doing yoga at least once a week
5. Have way too many shoes and clothes

Although

1. I do nearly all the cleaning, cooking and the school runs so I kind of make up for only working part time.

32 years old male, well paid job in finance, just got on a property ladder, gym 4 times a week, martial arts in between. Super fit, good looking and arrogant. See women only as objects to entertain me or to have sex with. Think that I'm amazing in bed ( into pushing boundaries and Dom shit). In reality a bit lonely and can't comprehend why my life feels off.
Aren't I'm a catch?

'Epic and insurmountable crisp habit' amazing!

Good mum, good friend, fun well sometimes, good cook, lazy, not keen on housework, procrastinates, watches a lot of tv, sings loudly a lot

Well I'm married so that's probably not a great start, not that it seems to hold some men back...

40 years old. 2 kids, don't want any more. Good job/salary, but working days are long and I am notoriously unreliable at knowing when I am going to get home. Own house (mortgaged) but we'd have to buy the current wife out in the divorce. Smart, sometimes funny, drifting into biting sarcasm occasionally. Overweight, but hair/teeth/skin in good nick despite very low-effort maintenance regime.

Better domesticated than most men and more than pull my weight around the house, which is clean but in a permanent state of clutter. Average but unenthusiastic cook, will happily let someone else do that for me. Enjoys moderate intensity outdoor activities but is never going to run a marathon. Volunteers with a youth group and is out with them at least one evening a week and occasional weekends. Not interested in football, motorsports or golf. Likes crafts, sleeping and Netflix.

Married overweight father of 3 under 9. Does little around the house, but takes the kids to school twice a week. Rarely seen at the week as will be playing golf, watching rugby or just on the lash. Financially irresponsible.

I am the higher earner and do at least half the work, don't expect my spouse to work for money but support his creative endeavours, am about 6 pounds overweight, no particular health problems.

Three young kids though, so I imagine that alone would get me out of the "catch" region.

60 and Semi- retired with modest pension. Mortgage paid off. Earn small amount fron self employment. Carer to spouse. Very capable. Good at housework, cooking, gardening and some DIY. Kind heart but have a tendency to be a bit grumpy and sarcastic.

Not particularly blessed in the looks department, but like nice clothes and look after myself, though need to get myself down to the gym to tone up the dad bod.

I think I am a catch!

Late 30s dad with two kids. Mid-level professional job. Not particularly ambitious career wise but earns enough to be comfortable. Has own car and mortgaged house, pulls his weight around the house. Great with the kids and a loving dad. Overweight and far too fond of crisps. Good sense of humour and laid back but can border on laziness.

Good relationship with family and speaks to them regularly but live far away. Small circle of close friends, goes out once a month or so for dinner and drinks with mates.

Likes reading, watching true crime documentaries, cruises and beer gardens. Hates football and crowded spaces.

Solvent, housetrained to a degree, good cook, acceptable levels of personal hygiene. Pretty healthy for my age.

Retired so plenty of availability but two hobbies that take up too much time and money. Good social circle but well settled so hard for anyone new to catch up.

Hates sport and parties and cba with small talk. Hypercritical and shockingly judgemental behind the sympathetic smile. Snores, body ravaged by babies, hates sharing a bed.

I really couldn’t see the point of dating me.

Well you have some redeeming qualities 🙂

Mid-40s. Child-free by choice. Autistic. Works in IT - well-paid professional, but spends far too much time in front of a computer. Shouts loudly when watching sport on TV. Also enjoys performative sneezing.

Personal hygiene a bit ropey on occasion, but has highly organised drawers. Hates it when people mess with organisation. Likes cats more than people. Mildly obsessed with military history and crows.

What a catch I am. 😄