Page 6 | residential children's home to open in our street

steppemum · 2025-02-06T15:26:04+00:00

Got home last night and there is a letter through our door from a neighbour. Apparently there is a planning application in to change the use of a house to a residential childrens' home. The letter was asking for people to put in ojections to the planning application. I walked past the house today. We are a quiet road, dead end, the house in question is large with big garden and another house built at the end of the garden (they built it and sold it off) It is close to neighbours but detached. Has its own large drive for parking. The application is for both the main house and the house in the garden to together become a childrens home. I can't see what the problem is! I am tempted to put in a comment to the planners to say this is a nice quiet, safe road for a kids home. I am glad that there will be more facilities as our council has a great deal of trouble finding enough foster homes. We are detached but very close to neighbours, and we never hear a thing. Am I being naive? Is there any reason why this house might cause problems? Honestly I just think this is NIMBY ism. But is that me being naive?

soupyspoon · 06/02/2025 21:55

I'll remember this thread the next time theres a thread about a troubled teen or a child with violent behaviour in the home and the OP is advised to 'put him into care' or the next time there is a news article and people say the child in question should have been removed and put into care

Where do you think children can go, who is going to look after them when there are objections to residential facilities but equally no foster carer wants to deal with drinking, drugs, kids going missing, violence in their home, school refusal etc etc

Who do you think is going to look after them on minimum wage, who is volunteering to change career and do that work?

Mentions in previous posts about 'facilities with gyms or canteens or boarding schools' - where are these? Name them and where they are? (not that this is good for kids anyway)

JohnofWessex · 06/02/2025 21:57

I suggest from reading the thread that a lot of the issues are down to the quality of management which in turn affects the outcome for the children.

Iwiicit · 06/02/2025 22:00

This is indeed a very sad thread and there is definitely a scandal brewing regarding private children's homes, the phenomenal cost and the motivations of these providers.

Regarding whether you would want to live near one. I'm afraid some people are being naive. There is one in my village that takes teenagers from the other end of the country. The idea is to get them away from county lines gangs they have got mixed up with.

There have been occasions when expensive, large cars with blacked out windows have arrived in the dead of night, armed criminals having tracked down the children, to kidnap them back. This is scary shit that you don't want near your family.

oakleaffy · 06/02/2025 22:02

KeebabSpider · 06/02/2025 21:54

There are children in care being accommodated in travel lodge and other B & bs because there is a severe lack of suitable placements.

I've worked in children's homes in both rural and city environments. In both locations the children had little to no contact with the local community. In all cases the children were educated in the provision provided by the home. In both the children had full supervision. We took them to activities but they were usually 1:1 or 2:1 and always with staff.

One organisation I worked for had a policy of no police involvement because they sought to prevent the children acquiring a criminal record. We only had one child abscond, once. No drugs, no dope, no loud music or antisocial behaviour outside of the home. It was tough, the kids were severely traumatised from early childhood abuse but not one child was allowed to breakdown their placement. Their ethos was that they would never give up on a child. The team I worked with, I'd trust any of them with my own children.

In another home we had prolific self harmers. Ambulances arrived two at a time. Police involvement to catch a child who they couldn't restrain. She was basically beating up two police officers. Not that the neighbours would have known, because all of the homes I've worked in were very much closed communities and none of this was allowed to spill out. The home received an appalling ofsted before I had started there. So only very desperate LAs with extremely hard to place children sought a placement there. The staff were hopeless. I'd been offered a senior position because I'd had experience with prolific self harm and complex mental health issues with children. It became basically like a psych unit because the managers pet project was to take only self harm. But of course, this had no impact on the local community.

It's true, many of these troubled children breakdown one placement after another with violent and self harming behaviours. But only a very badly managed home would have this affect the local community.

Only a short stint in a boarding school. It was without doubt the very worst of places for these children. In an education setting the threshold for restraint is much lower, it was routine and normal to see kids dragged face down over the tarmac. The staff were itching for 'a fight' and old fashioned, punishingly strict routine with no therapeutic working. I lasted a week. It was inhumane. But it was in the middle of nowhere

These children need unconditional love and support, just like every child. They need stability, and to know that the adults can be trusted not to abandon them and give up on them. And this needs to be in small homes much like a family home with a tight knit small staff team and low staff turnover. The staff in the school had no time to build meaningful relationships, the kids could form no meaningful attachments. The behaviour was no less challenging and no hope of successful outcome.

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One of the best counsellors I know {a male} now approaching retirement age-can deflect violence like no one else- I asked him how he learned this skill, and he said as a teenager, he had a live in job {Back in the 1970's} at a children's home in a 'rough' part of London.

He said the three years he spent working in the children's home taught him more about negotiation and deflecting violence than anything else. {He then went into similar roles}

These are the types that are needed...He is a very 'strong' yet quiet calm presence.

AlexisP90 · 06/02/2025 22:06

Hiccupsandteacups · 06/02/2025 17:51

Good for you OP I would feel the same way

Me too. These children have to live somewhere. They are probably already vulnerable/feel unwanted/unloved. This sort of thing upsets me that people are trying to stop it.

Good for you OP. We need more people on this earth like you.

user1492757084 · 06/02/2025 22:08

My friend's disabled son lived in an experimental residendial children's home with 3 other vulnerable children. They all reached their potential in terms of learning skills and independence. Education was focussed to their very precise needs. A minivan took them to swimming, school and dance etc. They learnt to cook and went home for holidays and had their families visit too.
These happy four, now in their late twenties, still live in shared accommodation, overseen by a live in professional. They work in satisfying part time jobs (laundromat similar) earning money and spending it on their own outings and activitiies. It is expensive but very successful.

memoriesofamiga · 06/02/2025 22:09

itsjusttheradio · 06/02/2025 21:29

Sadly, quite a lot of that cost is the negotiated sum, negotiated by hard headed developers, not the actual cost. This is an example of public private partnership which is exploited by private companies because their negotiating counterpart in the LA do not have the skills or experience to negotiate building or development contracts.

And where you have one of these homes with teens running amok, you are looking at extremely badly managed houses, the teens not having their needs met on any level.

The whole thing is appalling.

So it isn't the economics here, it is the public private partnership concept failing to the tune of a blank cheque and a lot of failed children.

Did the house need gutting? Probably not. Would the refurb cost that, at cost, or even in a well negotiated contract negotiated by a commercial employer? I don't think so.

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I work for a LA (in an entirely different field to this) but sit next to planning/housing team colleagues and they are by no means lacking in skills and experience compared to private equivalent. Pretty rude assumption. All too often their hands are completely tied by political decisions both national and local that they have no say in and no power over. On a local level counsellors are largely bullish and will not listen to anything other than their own agendas.

Workisntworking · 06/02/2025 22:10

Fairyliz · 06/02/2025 17:58

Honest you are being completely naive op. These are unlikely to be sweet little children whose parents have died in a tragic car accident.
They are likely to be the worst of the worst teenagers; drugs, violence, arson etc. Your house insurance will go up, as they are likely to try and break in; and your property prices will fall.
You sound like a lovely person but is this what you want?

Shameful comment.

Worst of the worst...

Or just vulnerable children who unlike most children will have more than one adult keeping an eye on them at any time.

Starsandall · 06/02/2025 22:10

I think people are quick to judge but these children have no where to go. I think if it’s a detached house I wouldn’t worry to much. Yes sometimes the police will be called if the children have gone missing as they are classed as vulnerable.

Workisntworking · 06/02/2025 22:15

Jellycatspyjamas · 06/02/2025 20:09

i say it every time this type of thread crops up. The same people who say they weep over children like Baby Peter, or Sara Sharif are the same ones who label teens as “damaged” or “mentally disturbed”.

We weep for the poor, neglected, abused children but oddly enough no one wants to deal with the impact of that abuse, to give these young people safe places to live, to recognise that the disruption, drug taking, exploitation are all a consequence of children being neglected and abused and be prepared to give them a chance. Yes it can be disruptive and challenging, but my god the language used to describe kids who are very often removed from incredibly unsafe, traumatic homes is appalling.

If those children had lived, these are the young people they’d likely grow into. In need of care, empathy and a lot of support and healing.

So we'll said.

oakleaffy · 06/02/2025 22:16

@KeebabSpider
''These children need unconditional love and support, just like every child. They need stability, and to know that the adults can be trusted not to abandon them and give up on them. And this needs to be in small homes much like a family home with a tight knit small staff team and low staff turnover. The staff in the school had no time to build meaningful relationships, the kids could form no meaningful attachments. The behaviour was no less challenging and no hope of successful outcome.''

Finding staff that can manage is probably so hard.

The really skilled staff seem to have an innate calmness and unflappableness about them.

One cannot meet violence with violence.

The boarding school story where an angry but lost child is being dragged face down across the grit..That won't work.

Trouble is, roles like this aren't very well paid- and they probably do attract their fair share of bullies.

Jellycatspyjamas · 06/02/2025 22:18

*In need of care, empathy and a lot of support and healing."

And definitely not in one of these designer developer run children's homes.*

These “designer developer” often provide care to the most vulnerable of children and young people, offering specialist supports and much needed therapies. A homely setting is the best place for children and young people, in communities where they can grow and live. Why would you accept less for these kids than you’d accept for your own.

Janedoe82 · 06/02/2025 22:18

Fairyliz · 06/02/2025 17:58

Honest you are being completely naive op. These are unlikely to be sweet little children whose parents have died in a tragic car accident.
They are likely to be the worst of the worst teenagers; drugs, violence, arson etc. Your house insurance will go up, as they are likely to try and break in; and your property prices will fall.
You sound like a lovely person but is this what you want?

I work with young people like this. They aren’t ‘the worst of the worst’- they are children who have experienced trauma- physical and sexual abuse, parental drug misuse, DV, CSE, all kinds of awful things.
Stop being so vile about vulnerable children.

lazyarse123 · 06/02/2025 22:23

I know of one home for teenagers that caused a lot of issues for their close neighbours.
We had one at the end of our street for kids about 8 to 12 and unfortunately one of the boys sexually assaulted my two sons so I would never live near one again. I know you can't tar everyone with the same brush but not a risk I would take.
The boy involved got the help he needed but one of my sons has had lifelong issues due to the abuse and hasn't worked for 8 years due his mental health problems, the other oson has done well but struggles occasionally.
Sorry bit of a tangent but it*s a very sore point.

Tiredalwaystired · 06/02/2025 22:24

aei22 · 06/02/2025 18:21

Yes you are naive OP, sorry.

To those wondering where would people like these children to go? Well, I would like them to have a decent place, rather like a boarding school, where there is continuity of staff and facilities that the children need - such as a sports area or something like that. A large common room with games equipment. A friendly canteen.

A residential house is too small, not fit for purpose, random staff will be coming and going and it will be really boring for the kids living there.

Canteen?? This is their HOME!

Winterscoming77 · 06/02/2025 22:27

Fairyliz · 06/02/2025 17:58

Honest you are being completely naive op. These are unlikely to be sweet little children whose parents have died in a tragic car accident.
They are likely to be the worst of the worst teenagers; drugs, violence, arson etc. Your house insurance will go up, as they are likely to try and break in; and your property prices will fall.
You sound like a lovely person but is this what you want?

Wow what an awful comment

MrGoldfarts · 06/02/2025 22:27

Jellycatspyjamas · 06/02/2025 20:09

i say it every time this type of thread crops up. The same people who say they weep over children like Baby Peter, or Sara Sharif are the same ones who label teens as “damaged” or “mentally disturbed”.

We weep for the poor, neglected, abused children but oddly enough no one wants to deal with the impact of that abuse, to give these young people safe places to live, to recognise that the disruption, drug taking, exploitation are all a consequence of children being neglected and abused and be prepared to give them a chance. Yes it can be disruptive and challenging, but my god the language used to describe kids who are very often removed from incredibly unsafe, traumatic homes is appalling.

If those children had lived, these are the young people they’d likely grow into. In need of care, empathy and a lot of support and healing.

Very well said!

Livelovebehappy · 06/02/2025 22:29

You need to find out exactly what type of home it’s going to be. As someone upthread has said, if it’s a home for problem older children, then I think it’s reasonable to expect some disturbance, and it will more than likely affect your street. My brother lived next door to one, and had other kids coming and hanging out round the home, and there used to be a lot of antisocial behaviour. He sold in the end, and lost quite a bit of money on the sale as people were put off due to the home and associated problems.

MrGoldfarts · 06/02/2025 22:33

lazyarse123 · 06/02/2025 22:23

I know of one home for teenagers that caused a lot of issues for their close neighbours.
We had one at the end of our street for kids about 8 to 12 and unfortunately one of the boys sexually assaulted my two sons so I would never live near one again. I know you can't tar everyone with the same brush but not a risk I would take.
The boy involved got the help he needed but one of my sons has had lifelong issues due to the abuse and hasn't worked for 8 years due his mental health problems, the other oson has done well but struggles occasionally.
Sorry bit of a tangent but it*s a very sore point.

I'm sorry for your experiences. Just to say though that this can happen from children of any background. I went to a naice private school, middle class kids, and was sexually assaulted in year 5 by three of those kids. I also grew up with domestic abuse and sexual abuse in my naice middle class family. I'm like your son who has complex severe issues mentally which means I don't work. Obviously I do consider myself fortunate compared to those who grew up without parents at all or in poverty, but I never did use that fancy education I had because of the trauma.

That's not to belittle your experiences in any way, I just think it's a risk everywhere.

Hoping your sons find healing and peace

Sunshineandoranges · 06/02/2025 22:39

We have a residential home four doors down from us. It is for young adults with severe autism. I thought there might be issues but none whatsoever.

Amybelle88 · 06/02/2025 22:40

I live behind a children's home and I don't hear a peep. My friend has one of her own. (Regulated).

Regulated children's homes, like the application you've seen, are just that - regulated - they are watched extremely closely by so many different agencies such as ofsted. We need more regulated homes as, at present, children are being placed in unregulated homes as councils have nowhere for them to go.

Have a look at unregulated homes, it's extremely upsetting what they get away with.

KeebabSpider · 06/02/2025 22:42

oakleaffy · 06/02/2025 22:16

@KeebabSpider
''These children need unconditional love and support, just like every child. They need stability, and to know that the adults can be trusted not to abandon them and give up on them. And this needs to be in small homes much like a family home with a tight knit small staff team and low staff turnover. The staff in the school had no time to build meaningful relationships, the kids could form no meaningful attachments. The behaviour was no less challenging and no hope of successful outcome.''

Finding staff that can manage is probably so hard.

The really skilled staff seem to have an innate calmness and unflappableness about them.

One cannot meet violence with violence.

The boarding school story where an angry but lost child is being dragged face down across the grit..That won't work.

Trouble is, roles like this aren't very well paid- and they probably do attract their fair share of bullies.

@oakleaffy You need a lot of emotional resilience, a calm head and a big heart.

Recruitment is difficult mainly because you are drawing upon people already made cynical from other care work environments. The hours are long, the pay can never compensate for days away from your own family. Younger people lack clear sight and experience, older people lack the energy and enthusiasm. Older people have replaced hope with 'wisdom' (read pragmatism that is often unhelpful) younger people have idealism (read that as naivety)! the best staff teams have a mix of older experienced staff and enthusiastic young people. The best therapeutic home had mainly staff with grown up children, and young people who had no children. It was very much a 'family' dynamic, and the ethos was to keep the child in mind. I thought I'd fallen in to a cult! but it became my normal for some time, and the LAC we looked after stayed for years. No broken placements.

I don't think care work or nursing necessarily attracts people who like to bully vulnerable people. But I do think the culture endowed from above affects the way people behave. Its management combined with recruitment from a pool of people with lower educational attainment, from lower socio economic groups who have fallen into care work.

Finland is interesting. Its well paid qualified and professional work. Just as it should be.

lazyarse123 · 06/02/2025 22:43

MrGoldfarts · 06/02/2025 22:33

I'm sorry for your experiences. Just to say though that this can happen from children of any background. I went to a naice private school, middle class kids, and was sexually assaulted in year 5 by three of those kids. I also grew up with domestic abuse and sexual abuse in my naice middle class family. I'm like your son who has complex severe issues mentally which means I don't work. Obviously I do consider myself fortunate compared to those who grew up without parents at all or in poverty, but I never did use that fancy education I had because of the trauma.

That's not to belittle your experiences in any way, I just think it's a risk everywhere.

Hoping your sons find healing and peace

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Thank you. You are of course right as I am a survivor of csa by a family member so know how true that is.
It's difficult sometimes. I wish you peace too 💐

Rockmehardplace · 06/02/2025 22:44

Fairyliz · 06/02/2025 17:58

Honest you are being completely naive op. These are unlikely to be sweet little children whose parents have died in a tragic car accident.
They are likely to be the worst of the worst teenagers; drugs, violence, arson etc. Your house insurance will go up, as they are likely to try and break in; and your property prices will fall.
You sound like a lovely person but is this what you want?

“Worst of the worst”?!?! How about the most damaged, let down, traumatised children in our society.

LBFseBrom · 06/02/2025 22:44

MissAndrey · 06/02/2025 17:30

Good on you for being more compassionate. Most of these kids probably feel pushed out and rejected already, alienating them further does nothing to help.

I agree. I hope it goes ahead.