What would you have done? (Inheritance)

[TheAmusedQuail]

My grandparents had always been quite clear what they wanted done with their estate. Contents of bank accounts shared between their children (2 brothers). Value of their house shared between their grandchildren (4 of us).

Granny died and Grandad remarried (this isn't going where you think). Step-granny had nothing. My dad and my grandfather and my uncle were estranged.

My grandad became frail and my step-granny had always been a bit pathetic. So my uncle convinced my grandad to sell the house and buy a big house together that they all (uncle & aunt, grandad and step granny) would live in.

Grandad died. Step granny's daughter arranged for her to go into a Salvation Army care home (in an attempt to get her hands on grandad's money - she failed).

Uncle and aunt, and by default, my cousins got all of the inheritance. I know this was deliberate, because the one time I saw my aunt with my mum after Grandad's death, my aunt discussed 'Our children's inheritance' (meaning myself and my brother and my cousins). My divorced parents did nothing about it and so my brother and I lost all of our inheritance.

What would you OR your parents have done? Was doing nothing the right thing, because it was too complex to disentangle? Or should they have fought it?

I was a very young adult at the time and it didn't occur to me we should have done anything. Incidentally, my uncle is still alive and has remarried a woman with nothing after my aunt's death. My cousins definitely benefitted (house deposits, cars etc).

It wasn't your inheritance though was it? There wasn't a will leaving you anything.
The same thing happened to my children. their paternal grandparents always said that the house was for the grandchildren when they died. However, they didn't bother to make a will so my ex husband got everything.

It is really sad. But your Uncle hasn't done anything wrong, so that can't be the reason he chose not to keep contact with you.

Perhaps your Uncle was upset by your Dad's treatment of their Dad? Or that no-one but him stepped up to care for Grandad in his final months? Or maybe your Mum or your Dad had been contacting him trying to claim part of his money that they weren't entitled to? We don't know. But we can deduce that due to the actions your Grandad took, as per his wishes, you (and your Dad and your sibling) weren't entitled to anything from your Grandad and as per your Grandad's final wishes, your Uncle was morally and legally entitled to it all.

Literally the ONLY basis you have for feeling this entitlement is that when you were younger your Grandad made a comment about leaving the house to his Grandchildren. But subsequently to that, his circumstances changed and he clearly changed his mind, and he legally arranged for everything to go to his son, the one who lived with him, looked after him and cared for him single handedly to the end.

If you want a relationship with your Uncle, contact him. Thank him for all he did for your Grandfather, and accept that he is entitled to do whatever he likes with the money that legally and morally is his, and was likely left/given to him in appreciation of what he did (and your father didn't do) for your Grandad.

There might have been a Will, who knows, the uncle though 6 months before his father died, had his father liquidate his house. So he got his fathers estate in return for 6 months worth of care.

elderly people lack energy and can be easily led. Just because the gf did not care about his other son, does not mean he wanted op to lose out.

This story stinks, sympathies to op.

The uncle was probably also worried that the stepmother would inherit it otherwise and leave it to her own dc. Which would be even worse as sm had nothing according to op.

For 6 months worth of live in care. Given his brother was estranged, uncle (or his wife) were probably doing a lot of organising care/cleaners/food shops etc before the move. My mum is still at home and DBro and I do a lot to enable that.

Also, don’t know what the Dgf died from but it’s entirely likely that when the purchase happened, DGF might have lived considerably longer than 6 months.

Since neither OP’s father, mother, (nor OP herself as a young adult) seems to have been involved with the support for DGF, who can say what might have happened if they had been.

And maybe the DGF didn’t want to leave money to a branch of the family who thought that his second wife was pathetic…

Sadly, my Grandfather also thought she was pathetic. He married her when he was recently bereaved and eventually regretted it. But he was an honourable man and saw marriage as a life-long commitment. And before I'm shouted down, I know this, because he told me.

Again, that was his choice, wise or not. It’s quite surprising he would share that harsh view with a young adult DGD. Not the most honourable of moves.

I believe more widowers than widows marry again swiftly because men (NAMALT) miss having a wife.

Some people are desperate to believe ill of other people, especially when money is concerned.

Regardless OP try and let go of the resentment. It won’t do you any good long term. And could taint your memory of your grandfather which would be a shame.

He burdened you with this knowledge as a young child? He doesn't sound like he thought before he spoke at all. I'd take his word with a massive dose of salt.

No, when I was a young adult. He married her when I was a child.

He was a very good man. This was years later.

@GutsyShark he's remembered as a good man by the remaining members of my family. No one can taint my memory of him.

He's been horrible about his wife and made promises he hasn't fulfilled. Your description of his actions aren't those of a fantastic grandpa

You're entitled to your opinion.

He was great. I only have good memories of him and my granny. The only thing he didn't give me was money. Meh.

I have to say OP sometimes it it that parent/grandparent that holds the family together and when they die it leaves the remainder of the family to go their own way. Perhaps the fact your dad is in your own words meant that once his dad was the dead he didn't feel the need to stay in touch with your branch of the family.