What would you have done? (Inheritance)

[TheAmusedQuail]

My grandparents had always been quite clear what they wanted done with their estate. Contents of bank accounts shared between their children (2 brothers). Value of their house shared between their grandchildren (4 of us).

Granny died and Grandad remarried (this isn't going where you think). Step-granny had nothing. My dad and my grandfather and my uncle were estranged.

My grandad became frail and my step-granny had always been a bit pathetic. So my uncle convinced my grandad to sell the house and buy a big house together that they all (uncle & aunt, grandad and step granny) would live in.

Grandad died. Step granny's daughter arranged for her to go into a Salvation Army care home (in an attempt to get her hands on grandad's money - she failed).

Uncle and aunt, and by default, my cousins got all of the inheritance. I know this was deliberate, because the one time I saw my aunt with my mum after Grandad's death, my aunt discussed 'Our children's inheritance' (meaning myself and my brother and my cousins). My divorced parents did nothing about it and so my brother and I lost all of our inheritance.

What would you OR your parents have done? Was doing nothing the right thing, because it was too complex to disentangle? Or should they have fought it?

I was a very young adult at the time and it didn't occur to me we should have done anything. Incidentally, my uncle is still alive and has remarried a woman with nothing after my aunt's death. My cousins definitely benefitted (house deposits, cars etc).

My Dad was always a selfish arse. I could have seen HIM pulling this stunt. Shocked and still shocks me that my Uncle did it.

Sounds like it would have all been eaten up by care fees if your uncle hadn't stepped in. I'd reframe it as a reward for this care

Good old uncle, what a gentleman! I doubt the uncle had his father's best interests at heart - more like he had his inheritance on his mind and probably persuaded his Dad to change his will so he could get it all since OP's father didn't get any. The uncle could have given some money to his niece, but chose not to which is telling.

I mean, your dad was estranged from his parents and, by your own admission, was/is an arsehole. Maybe everyone just considers it to be completely normal that he didn't get anything and that their entire estate ended up going to the son who was a good person and actually close to his parents.

If there was a will then those beneficiaries should have received what they were entitled to. If there was no will, then intestate rules apply. In your Grandad's case it's likely that his estate should have been split evenly between his children.

Even if your grandparents had made wills your grandfather's will was rendered invalid when he remarried.

It's not really practical to decide what you want done with your estate too far in advance, you never know what will happen in the meantime.

TBF looking after elderly parents is bloody hard work and as a PP has said there may have been no money left if GPs had gone into a home rather than been looked after at home.

It is what it is, I didn't inherit anything from my grandparents either, I think it's pretty unusual as it normally all goes to the next generation.

The situation isn't going to change, so all that's within the op's choice is their own perspective on it. They can either be eaten up with resentment or be grateful their grandfather was surrounded by family in his older years. Makes no odds to me. The choice op makes could mean they have peace with their perceived financial loss

It’s somewhat convoluted but I think what you’re saying is that at the time of your grandfather’s death, your dad was estranged from him and his brother.

In which case, your dad wrote you all out of the inheritance.

How did your Uncle "rinse" his father? It's a perfectly reasonable thing for Grandpa to leave his house/money to the child who was living with him and caring for him and part of his life and not to the child who he was estranged from.

You uncle wasn't "greedy" to take what was legally his as it was either left to him or the house was bought in his name, and following the wishes of the deceased.

At the end of the day, your grandad left you nothing. He could have put you and your brother in his will, but he didn't. It sounds like you were expecting your uncle, of his own initiative, to redistribute his own inheritance. But why should he have? It's not what was in the will.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it sounds like you're feeling like your otherwise nice uncle has done something terrible to you, and I just don't think it helps you to see anyone as a villain here. The situation had moved on a lot since those days when your grandparents would talk together about how they'd leave their money. And you won't know the whole story - your uncle would have his own story.

I don’t really get why the uncle is to blame here? Unless he coerced his dad, which doesn’t sound like it. Your grandfather made a will and it didn’t include you.

This makes me wonder about dynamics, OP?

How much certainty do you have that you know what really happened with your grandfather's estate? If your DF is like this, is it possible he had some disbursement from your DGF before and the house thing was to even things up? Or that your DF wasn't prepared to do any care for your DGF and his wife so the move in with your uncle was quid pro quo for the house equity? Or, perhaps, that your DF has done things in the past to your uncle so that this was a form of payback?

fwiw, I have a somewhat similar story. My grandfather boasting that his estate was worth $1.5 million, the trust that this would go into, to benefit his heirs. Fast forward to after his death & his widow moved in with his youngest son (my uncle) & maybe some of uncle's kids. They managed to fritter it all away. Family agreement is that my cousin, only surviving child of one aunt, is the big loser because the inheritance would have been life-changing for her. Rest of us luckily manage fine without. So ... completely "normal" as in ordinary outcome. Grandmother made choices she was allowed to make, that made this happen.

If there is now a frost between the two sides of the family, I’m wondering if your uncle/aunt didn’t have a chat with your mum about it. You might not have been part of it.

I mean looking at my/dh family, there would either have been a huge fuss around it, words exchanged etc…or it would have been all PA and avoidant and stopping talking to people but wo ever really saying what it was all about.

I don’t see that your uncle “rinsed” your grandad. He did have to buy a house with space for grandad, step Gran and provide/organise any care or adjustments.

As your dad was estranged and your grandad remarried, and you think there wasn’t a will, much of it would have gone to step Gran if they had not moved in with uncle and put a lot into that house. Did step Gran get nothing?

I also think you are harsh about her DD “putting her into a Salvation Army home to get her hands on the money” - if the SA would take step Gran with any money, that is up to them. But the DD isn’t obliged to take step Gran in and she may well have been happy and cared for at the SA, especially if she shared their beliefs. Do you even know step-gran’s DD or is this coming from someone who does who is bitter?

I’m not estranged from my mother, but if my brother wanted to build an annexe for her with her money and organise her carers etc, I would think he deserved every penny of any additional value he got from that.

@TheAmusedQuail do you think you are actually annoyed with your dad for becoming estranged and redirecting this onto your uncle and step gran’s DD?

I didn't really get the bit about the step-gran's daughter trying to get money by putting her mum in a home. Was that supposed to mean getting money to pay the care home fees, or was it like getting her mum out of the way so she herself could somehow financially benefit? There seem to be a lot of assumptions about how everyone else has been trying to get at this money, and it seems like the OP has been brought up to expect it too. Surely there is no inheritance till the people are dead and you don't know what will happen between then and now... I have a baseline assumption that I will receive no inheritance as it may well end up going on care or to a remarried spouse. It feels weird the idea of telling my DC "one day you will have a portion of granny and granddad's estate".

Surely it is your grandfather's wife who was cheated out of an inheritance here, if anyone.

If your uncle and your grandfather made an agreement, that's fine. They would have no obligation to consult your parents. So if the house was joint with your uncle and the poor step granny had no right to reside or was managed out, which it sounds like, it passed legally to your uncle.

If your grandfather had other assets and died without a will, it's likely they passed to his spouse and didn't meet the threshold for the remainder to go to his children. If he had a will I presume that was honoured.

So unless he was very wealthy, your parents probably weren't in a position to challenge on your behalf - no grounds. I hope that's a bit of reassurance.

I think yes. But I'm also angry with my uncle. I had him down as a good man.

Step-gran's DD I don't care. She wasn't my relative. Whatever.

@SheilaFentiman
I don't think I'm harsh at all about Step-gran's DD. She should have left step-gran where she was, in the house paid for by my Grandad. Her DD only took her out to try to get her hands on money that was never hers and she was prepared to throw her own mother away to do it.

@RawBloomers
My dad never got anything from his mum/dad. But I don't actually think he expected it either. I'd be the first one to say he was a git, but in this respect he was reasonable.

@SchoolDilemma17
Uncle convinced my declining (about 6 months before he died) grandfather to sell his house, fund 90% of a large new house, give most of his possessions that had any value to my cousins and then benefit 100% from the estate when my grandfather died. It's a pretty open and shut case of greed. Fair enough, screw your selfish bro over. But your nephew/niece, that you had a lovely relationship with prior to this?

As much as I didn't care for her, it was her own daughter that did it to her. She'd have had a home for life if her daughter hadn't forced her into the Sally Army care home in an attempt to get her paws on the money.

Pretty sure what your uncle did was illegal.

If your grandad was married and died intestate then his share of the house they bought plus whatever was left in his bank account should have gone to step-granny.

So whatever your granddads intent was or what anyone thinks was morally right is a moot point.

It's a pretty open and shut case of greed.

That’s been quite clear to me since the beginning. I think some people who’ve replied are naive to think that family members don’t prioritise money over other family members, even when it’s their declining and vulnerable parent. Well, some do.

She should have left step-gran where she was, in the house paid for by my Grandad.

But how was that actually possible? If your uncle was also in that house and wasn’t prepared to take on care for your step-Gran?

Your grandad was perfectly entitled to gift the money to uncle and not be on the deeds of the house, if that is what happened. If he wasn’t on the deeds, then step Gran wouldn’t own any part of the house after he died and would have no right to stay there.

Would you leave your mum in a house with someone you didn’t trust to take care of her, over and above sending her to a properly run care home?

This is why wills are so important and communicating what's in them. I know of a family who haven't spoken to cousins in 30 years for what sounds like a similar thing - what was in the will and what people had been told they would get were very different and of course it was what was in the will that counted!