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Original poster

How many friends do you have? Am having an existential crisis

56 replies

Boredatlunchtime · 28/01/2025 14:43

Just out of curiosity really. I've had some awful years with my husband walking out and my mental health going to shit. I know I haven't been a good friend and have leaned on my friends too much. Lots of friendships have fallen by the wayside.
I have some friends from school - 3 of them
2 friends from uni
A cousin and a sibling who I guess are my friends
An ex-work colleague who I message sometimes

And that is it! I don't really have an mum-friends. I have acquaintances, wouldn't meet up outside of a playdate.

My husband was my best friend but he has a new partner now.

Is this normal? How many friends would a typical 43 year old have?

OP posts:
HPandthelastwish · 28/01/2025 14:46

None really, 2 women I used to work with are the closest really and we meet up a few times a year. Friends seem to be situational, work friends, toddler group friends, swim club friends and as DD has moved between activities those connections have gone as well.

letsi · 28/01/2025 14:49

about 3 locally who I have the odd lunch with and a once a month meal out. That's it locally. I do have old school friends who i'm in touch with infrequently online and I guess they count as friends. Do they?

Allmarbleslost · 28/01/2025 14:53

I just have the one friend who I see every few weeks for coffee or drinks.

TheAirfryerQueen · 28/01/2025 14:54

None really. Only people I chat to at work.

Differentstarts · 28/01/2025 14:54

4 actual close friends who i would go out with call and msg regularly buy gifts for etc and then quite a lot of acquaintances who i may go out with in a group wouldn't really buy gifts for except for a party would stop and chat to in the street.

ViciousCurrentBun · 28/01/2025 14:54

It depends on many things, it is quality more than quantity. I have 5 fabulous friends have known one since the first day of primary school and the others for sort of 20 to 35 years. Then others who are decent long term friends but not quite as close and then lots of acquaintances. The 2 closest friends I have ever had died in the last 5 years in their mid fifties, I found it more upsetting than when my Mother died.

PigInAHouse · 28/01/2025 14:56

Similar age to you. I have a group of school friends (5 of us) who meet up once a month. I see a couple of them individually outside of that more regularly. Another group of 4 of us from uni. Another 4 close ‘individual’ friends who I’ve met over the years at hobbies etc. A few ‘mum’ friends who I have the occasional coffee with. That’s about it

BeachRide · 28/01/2025 14:57

'If you have one true friend you have more than your share.'

mondaytosunday · 28/01/2025 15:01

One friend from school, a couple from uni. However they all live in different countries to me so they aren't people who I just call up to chat.
Three friends from early working days who I see pretty regularly.
Four mum friends who have definitely gone beyond that definition and I know I can call on them in a crisis. Our kids are at uni now but we still meet even though I'm now 70 miles away. We chat regularly on WhatsApp too.
One dear friend I met working who I see every other year when I travel to that country. And one more recent friend who I hired to help me move and she's become a firm friend.
I'm a widow I met most of them other than school and work friends after he passed.

Beetrooty · 28/01/2025 15:02

About the same as you I'd say , plus a few work friends.

Angularline · 28/01/2025 15:03

I do get tired of these threads from people who try to make out that they are isolated and then list quite a healthy social network.

PigInAHouse · 28/01/2025 15:07

Angularline · 28/01/2025 15:03

I do get tired of these threads from people who try to make out that they are isolated and then list quite a healthy social network.

I don’t think the OP is ‘trying to make out’ anything. She’s feeling fragile after a relationship break up and asking if it’s normal, that’s all.

BlondeMamaToBe · 28/01/2025 15:14

I only have two at the moment.

2024 was the year I cut off the flakey friends, the ones who thrived off drama and the ones who thought they could walk in and out of my life.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 28/01/2025 15:19

I have one school friend but haven’t seen her for over a year, a ‘mum’ friend and we’ve been friends for years. A work friend and another friend I met locally and two friends I met through choir.

midgetastic · 28/01/2025 15:23

It does seem that the 40s is a lonely decade and people older have a bit more free time to make friends and keep them

HansGrubersSuit · 28/01/2025 15:26

4 close ones of 20+ years

NoGwenItsABoxingDayTrifle · 28/01/2025 15:41

Two ex work colleagues who I've stayed in touch with, meet once a month for lunch/dinner.
One who I've known 25 years, meet once a week.
A school friend who I've been friends with for 35 years, talk on the phone all the time but live 300 miles apart so go years without seeing each other.
My sister who lives 80 miles away but we meet every other month.

OnlyTheBravest · 28/01/2025 15:45

I had about 10ish friends in my 40's (prior to lockdown) and a few more that I would call acquaintances but I did a lot of work to maintain those friendships as it is easy to be so full on in a relationship/family/work that friendships just fall away unnoticed. Post lockdown a few of my friends are more like acquaintances. Nothing major has happened just at different points in our lives.

My friends have come from different areas childhood/school/uni/Mum friends/work/hobbies

Fawn87 · 28/01/2025 15:47

One school friend I see regularly but it's more that she relies on my help than to socialise with though we do have "deep" chats. One school friend I message every few weeks for a catch up but we don't meet up. A few people I speak to at the school but they are more acquaintances rather than friends. I thought I had made a good friend at the school but she's suddenly stopped talking to me without notice so I can't count her anymore. I do think I should have more people to count as true friends but honestly deep down I'm quite content as I am and I can't be putting loads of effort into people anymore when I never get the same back.

Birdbox181 · 28/01/2025 15:49

I'm 44 and I'm down to 4 individual friends. My school friendship group fell apart 2 years ago quickly followed by the mum group I'd made. They broke up when the kids started secondary school.

It's been really difficult. I haven't got the energy to start again. I'm thinking retirement will be my next opportunity to build a network of friends.

Friendships seems disposable to people these days. If you're not fun enough, available enough etc people can't be bothered and will drop you.

My mum's generation is very different. She's got so many different friendship groups that she's accumulated over the years. She's still friends with the mums of my friends (who have all vanished!).

Sad really.

LaPalmaLlama · 28/01/2025 15:58

3-4 from school (meet up once/ twice a year as all moved away- one overseas but actively in touch on FB)
10ish from Uni (varying degrees of closeness/contact)- with a few of the guys I'm now more friends with their wives than them!
10ish from time living overseas (mainly WhatsApp now with occasional holiday and weekend meet ups - quite a few of these are family friends rather than just my friends which is nice)
10 others from round and about current town. I guess most are "mum friends" but I do see them independently.

Quite a few of these, other people might class as aquaintances- my bar is "would you message them to invite them to go for a drink/ coffee?" So someone I like and I talk to at DD's netball most weeks and thats it = acquaintance, someone I know through school but we go for coffee and the gym together: friend.

Also, most of these don't live near me so I need a big pool to fish from.

@Birdbox181 yes, my mum is still friends with all my reception friends' mums- I left that school in Year 2 as we moved 10 miles and obviously not still friends with those girls but I might as well be as I get the news from my mum.

angelcake20 · 28/01/2025 16:01

2 university friends who I meet for dinner about once a month but little other contact, 2 Mum friends, although one of them I wouldn't meet without the other so probably doesn't count, 1 ex colleague. Fortunately DH is my best friend. We were wondering the other day whether we'd have put more effort into friendships if we hadn't had eachother. I've lost a good local friend as she met a new partner and has just vanished from the scene (says she's happy). Lots of people I'd casually describe as friends but only see if there's a big event and people I meet from a hobby but aren't "my people"; it's not enough and I'm lonely.

Musicaltheatremum · 28/01/2025 16:03

Group of 5 of us from church plus their other halves. Get together as couples and just the ladies and men individually at times. Don't see them too often but would help out in a heartbeat

2 that I met 30 years ago when kids were little see each other once a month or so

Neighbour who has become a good friend see every few weeks

4 or 5 other couple friends including husbands cousins who we get in well with.

Daughter has loads of friends...she's in her 30s and has really kept up with a lot of people. I do think social media has helped that.

My neighbours are all really lovely too and we will chat or get together for drinks or coffee occasionally.

I found the early childhood years hard as had very few friends and nursery mums would turn away from me when their better friends arrived. They acted as though I was beneath them ...maybe because I was working and they were SAHM doing charity work (nothing against SAHM but it was the implication that they were doing such good deeds whilst I was only a mere doctor) I'm over it now but my self esteem was pretty low then.

skippy67 · 28/01/2025 16:03

Up until my mid 40s, I had about 10 or so people I considered friends. I joined a netball club at 46, and that number has shot up.

namechangeGOT · 28/01/2025 16:08

I have 1 friend. My sister. I don't want or need anymore!