Nitpicking manager

[MyCatNamedCookingFat]

I need some advice please on dealing with a frustrating situation that’s honestly making me question my capability. After 14 years away, (I was working but part time jobs to fit in around childcare) I’ve just returned to a formal workplace office. I’ve got a solid track record and extensive experience and my last role was as a senior manager. But it was a long time ago and a different sector so a lot of this role is brand new to me, like working in the gas industry when you used to work in water, added on top of that new systems, all meetings on teams, its a lot!

I'm back now as a junior, quite happy not to have the stress of anything more and I like leaving at 5pm and not having to worry about work. Except I am now because of this.

I’ve got a supervisor two grades above me who’s constantly nitpicking my work.
I fully expect to make some mistakes — it's overwhelming being back in an office environment, and there's a lot to get up to speed on. But this feels next level. A few examples:
I get called out for thin minor stuff like one time they saw double spacing between two words in an email.
Sarcastic comments if I get a person's title wrong like ' this person is Head of blah and blah unless you know better than me' WTAF?
If I make the same mistake once, I get called out again, in front of the head of the department, like I’m a kid being reprimanded: " I told you to be more careful."
If an email bounces back, I get an email asking what I did about it and I should double check the addresses. It was one bounced email and I wasn't to know a person left?
Called out for not having the corporate background on a teams call, when nobody else did either!
And worst of all: after my first week, they posted things I hadn’t done correctly in the shared project doc. After one week of training. (And no formal, written process to follow, by the way.)
Oh, and I got a lecture today about how I was sending the wrong emails to a senior manager, even though my email was exactly the same as what everyone else sends!

I’m trying to take it all in stride, but I feel like I'm stuck in a cycle of being publicly criticized for minor stuff that everyone else seems to doing. Am I being too sensitive here, or do I have a legit case of being micromanaged?
How can I handle this? Anyone been in a similar situation? I’m starting to wonder if this is normal or if I’m just getting bad vibes.
Thanks in advance!

You might want to get this moved @MyCatNamedCookingFat as you've posted in Chicken Keeping.

@unsync Thank you - I'm definitely not in poultry!

I’m sorry, that sounds awful. How unsupportive!

@SoftandQuiet thank you.

I'm getting the dread of being at work, which is a shame as I actually enjoy the role.

Anybody else have any advice? I feel so out of touch with the world of work I'm going into " I must be rubbish mode'

First of all, sorry you are experiencing this. I'd start logging everything you have out here plus any other times you have been belittled and singled out. Could be a bully or a thicko on a power trip, with their first taste of supervising someone.

I know this isn't easy and I couldn't have done it years ago, but I would now as you don't need this shit. I'd challenge the person in the moment, when they say something. When they say on Teams you don't come from a Corporate background. I'd say 'Why do you feel the need to say this on a Teams call? Whats the purpose of this?' Then go silent.

Unfortunately I think you are working with an arsehole. You may need to raise a grievance or ask to move depts, but do not go quietly. Make their life as uncomfortable as possible.

Remember, you just want to get on with your job, why should you put up with this bullshit? Find your anger. Good luck!

Also, enough of the imposter syndrome! I think the other person may be threatened by you. Esp if you are friendly and getting along with other people. What's their character type?

I had this in my previous role but with two managers! They were such idiots.

Some of what you described happened to me, yet my other (ex) colleagues weren't called out when they made mistakes.

I ended up leaving as they were trying to manage me out, best thing I ever did.

I agree sounds like they might be a bit threatened by you and are bullying you to "keep you down". Is there any way you can raise this with their manager or bring it to their attention somehow? In the examples you've given they definitely seem out of order!!

Is this person you're supervisor or your line manager? Either way their behaviour is completely unacceptable and disproportionate to the very small mistakes you've made. Definitely keep a log of it all. How big is the organisation you're working for and do they have a separate HR dept?

Thanks for responses, I'll check back in when I've got some at lunchtime!

They manage me, so will do my appraisal etc.

They have been in the organisation a long time. I think they think they are irreplaceable. Nobody is.

Slight Dementor feeling in the office if it is just myself and them. Has made zero effort to get to know me or ask about any of my work experience.
There is no point making suggestions as they don't take on board anything I say.

Very large organisation.

Thing is, we are not getting some of the work out on time and I'm not surprised with the obsession with some minor stuff.

If I was to receive a letter via email, I'd not be at all bothered by the email that came with it, however my ' Dear XXX please see attached an update on xyzzy' isn't good enough, I have to write 'Dear XXX further to your letter of blah blah please see letter blah blah which will explain blah blah'.

The letter has the content, no need to repeat it in an email!

@ExitViaGiftShop I will do that. Another time I was called out for not having my camera on. I wasn't participating in the meeting, just doing the admin for it. And so many other don't who are participants. It is puerile really. All you could see was the top of my head as I was busy taking notes.

It might be power trip territory too!

They sound rigid, incompetent and threatened by you. So petty as well re: emails. I think you should shine a light on what is going to someone higher up the food chain, otherwise you will be blamed, behind your back, for work not getting done. If less than 2 yrs service they can just let you go.

I don't think this situation is sustainable for you. You can't thrive and show off your skills in this role. If I were you, I'd ask to move. You need to get out from being under this unpleasant fool.

I've had a manager like this and it's because they were threatened. I was told she didn't like the words I used (then used them herself), to copy her into each email (and then complained about the volume), to stop helping, to help more, to not go on leave, to do more, to do less, to know about things that hadn't told me about. Whatever I did wasn't good enough and I ended up off sick for months. She then started on someone else. It took me years to recover and even now it haunts me.

The good news is it's a large organisation and you've caught it early. Can you ask for a managed move to another team? Are there any vacancies you can apply for? Is there a union? Would HR be any good?

In the meantime get all the feedback in writing and store it away. Continue to be courteous to her. If you do respond keep it factual and push back by saying it feels personal and that you've never had feedback like this in your entire career. Ask for more training and shadowing. Actively demonstrate that you've taken everything she's said on board

But the key is to find another role away from her. So try and concentrate your energy on that.

It's such a horrible and unnecessary situation.

Constant nitpicking is bullying. If you can move I would , this sort of treatment grinds you down

Yes been in a similar position, due to personal reasons I stepped down from a previous senior position and after 2 yrs out of the workplace I applied for a more junior position in a charity, I was perfectly happy with my decision and there were other very experienced staff there who were working below their previous levels because they were very committed to the charity aims. The senior staff who interviewed me were very happy to get someone with my level of experience, I worked very happily for 6 months didn’t overstep but was encouraged to bring my previous experience into the role all was going well. My boss left and new boss started she was an absolute nightmare, micro managing me screamed at me for making a small spelling mistake in an email. Said things like “well you’re not the boss now” if I dared make any sort of suggestion. She was so threatened it was unreal and not just by me either she did the same to the other overly qualified staff. Anyhow long story short the board did nothing despite some of the bullied staff having years of service, these staff all left, I stuck it out for a while rather than give her the satisfaction but eventually left, she’s still in post by the way but only employs young biddable staff who don’t challenge her in any way.

This sounds very similar to my experience. I was qualified and experienced but had 10 years out of a formal work environment.

Decided to dip my toe back in and accepted a much more junior role to regain my confidence.
I lasted about 6 weeks as the woman who was supposed to be showing me the ropes was a complete bitch. Would also nit pick and make a fuss if she had to show me something more than once. It was clearly bullying.

Unfortunately the rest of the office would defer to her so I stood no chance.

I decided life is too short and left. I took on some temping work to update my skills and gain confidence, then applied and got a permanent higher paid job.
The people I work with now couldn't be more supportive and I think that awful woman probably did me a favour!

Don't let it get to you, easier said than done I know, but don't think you have to put up with that shit.

That doesn't suggest exceptional attention to detail!

Seriously though, this sounds ridiculous, especially if you're in a relatively senior position.

I have the same thing at my work too. It has shot my confidence to bits and dread going in every day. I am always waiting for the next negative comment.

I raised it with my boss who implied I'm too sensitive and other people wouldn't be bothered...

I'm looking for other jobs!

Thanks everybody. Maybe they are is threatened? Not sure why though, I have really struggled getting to grips with being back in the workplace. I can't even recall being senior!

So took advice on here and I called them out on the fact that the content of an email I sent I had cleared with dept manager and they still came back disagreeing with my approach, copied to my dept manager!

Something else they did in my first week also had me wondering about trusting them.

I was not yet cleared with IT systems, so I had no log on. I used dept head's, logon, at her suggestion. On the Friday, dept head is on leave. So I say to supervisor, shall I use Mary's log on? They say no, its against policy and they advised against it. I said, what shall I do then.?They said, 'there's not a lot you can do' turned back to desk and carried on working, leaving me sat there with nothing to do. Nothing, even all the policies and training was online. I said, well, what can I do, who can help? They said, you could ask ask these people, and named dept manager's boss and the Director, neither of whom I had even met, it was my first week!!

I said, well I can't do that. I then said, again, ' I'm here all day, what can I do', said AGAIN 'There's not a lot you can do' . They turned back to their desk, with their back to me, and carried on working. I said you are putting me in a very difficult position. They said it was dept head's fault for not sorting it out and shrugging.

Thing is, if they had done lots of other IT related stuff to have me put on systems, as was their responsibility, they would have realised I wasn't cleared with IT!

So then I say, maybe logon details have arrived, but they will be sent to dept head. They said, you can ask them. So I have to contact dept head who is on leave, and ask if my log on details have arrived. They agree to check work email, not too happy. Then said 'you should shadow supervisor today if I don't get them'.

Surely supervisor should have done this, contacted boss? Or contacted IT? And suggested I shadow them? They did nothing.

Luckily logon details arrived. But what a shower of shite way to be treated in my first week. I'm getting angry just thinking about it!

Is it local authority? They sound a bit incompetent not having the systems set up before you arrive.

I do think some of the items in your list, such as the email bounce back and attention to detail are common sense, but there are ways of them addressing these issues.

Do you think you are being a bit sensitive because you have been out of the work place for a while?

Chicken keeping 🤣🤣

OP, this is awful and no way to treat people. It also creates a situation where you will get up in the morning and not want to go to work. The knock on from that is you start to lose sleep and it goes down hill from there.

You have clearly moved to a very different environment. Errors happen with a new job and double spacing is not really an error.

• Is there a trades union? If so join.
• ls there someone higher up who manages the people who manage you? If so, l suggest you request a private meeting with them.

Good luck! x

Sounds like me towards the end of last year. Their manager was sympathetic but really didn't do anything. The other two, well, couldn't care less about me. Some of the things they said I could have gone all the way with complaints etc, but I'm hoping karma will kick in.

I found a new job on slightly less money, but it was so worth it. Lovely people, no toxic environment and more importantly I'm off the anti depressants. 😊

How's it going OP?